My son is a compulsive gambler

Looking back at his statements at 5.20am couldn't sleep. Started three years ago not two. Started small bets couple times a week, got worse over time, out of control now. £310 in last 7 days. Please don't tell me to say nothing as I need to to.

hi what can i do ? i been reading your thread every day im 32 a been a CG for about 7-8 years i think and my mum knows i have gambling issues but can,t do much to help but just hope i see sense , im now a dad of a little girl and learning about parenting and i think you got to be very strong now as its a progressive illness i never thought so , but even thouh i paid essential bills and booked an xmas break away i lost so much money this month both in shop , and online and almost lost everything so im ready to stop , full stop good luck

Hi What Can I Do

I know I mentioned this earlier but the financial side of things and money management is the one thing you can control and you should be taking over.

He can't handle money responsibly and should be given a small allowance to get by each week, limiting the damage he can do.

Hi, WCID,

Sorry, can't say what you want to hear. You know the one about leading a horse to water?

Whether you do or don't take financial control, only he can save him from himself. You can't.

Be aware also of the danger of making things worse, of inadvertently enabling him. The support you give should be focused on helping him to help himself.

Also if you have other children, don't lose focus on them, be aware of the risk of letting his crises dictate what happens to the whole family.

Look after yourself.

CW

Spraggy - 7/8 years this is what I'm scared of. I can see how it has progressed in the last 3 years and has got hold of him. He has missed car payments every month. Today is pay day I've told him to pay his car today. He says it's not due until 16th. I know by 16th he will have no money left. Can I ask you were you, have you been happy while you've been gambling? As a non gambler all I can see is the anxiety it brings to my son.

Clear mind- he still hasn't admitted to the problem but tonight is the night my husband and I will sit with him until we have said everything we need to say to him about it. I realise it's an addiction and for reason I will treat him with respect and compassion but we will not take any nonsense tonight we need to try and work something out to help him before he gets in deeper.

Well sat son down. Half the time he shouted at me half the time he ignored me. Didn't deny he has gambling problem but won't let us help him said will sort it out himself. Said I wanted his bank card and wanted him to self exclude. Kept my cool told of my concerns. I'm doing his head in. Husband has told me to transfer his car payment money into our account before it dissapears, which I have done. Oh he's not gonna be happy. But neither are me or his dad.

All sounds very normal WCID. Have you thought about counselling via gamcare? Its available to both gamblers and their families. Sorry if asked this before but feels like you need more support and help

You are dead right to try and make sure he makes his payments. When he does his money he will be delighted that some use was made of his wages. It is only a short term stop gap hopefully he will see the error of his ways but this is unlikely first you have to fall and that can take any time from 1 year to a life time. All you can do is make life hell for him while his gambling but let him know once he stops there is a life there waiting for him

In rehab a counsellor once described gambling as train going in one direction and when you stop you get off and walk back.

Hi Tri I have told him about gamcare I have asked him to go counselling I've told him Everything I am saying is out of love and concern. I am ok I will battle ahead just find it frustrating. I asked if he wanted to be in the same position in another 3 years. No reply. I said if he got into a serious relationship I would have to tell the girl as i wouldn't like that life for his own sister -no reply.

Michael - that sounds about right if he doesn't try and sort this addition now it will be a very long walk back for him.

Michael that is an excellent analogy. The walk back takes much longer than the train on the way out. The destruction is fast and the recovery is slow. I only wish I quit and stayed quit a lot earlier. I've got a good march on now though!

wcid as I've said before you are in a tough spot and I don't envy you. Your struggle really comes through in your posts and I can tell this is affecting you badly. It is occupying your every thought. I just don't know how I can help you. I'm really sorry.

What can I do wrote:

Thanks everyone I've never really had to ask for advice regarding my three children before I'm usually the one fixing things for them!

Hi What can I do

I'm new to this site but certainly not new to most of the things you have been raising in your posts (I have taken the time to read all the comments)

As a parent myself, it is very difficult to stand back and watch as your child makes mistakes. However, as many comments suggest, your son is an adult and is making choices, albeit poor ones at the moment. As a human being our natural reponses are to try to 'fix' others problems when actually, the only people who can fix such problems are the ones who are experiencing the difficulties. This time it is a jacket, next time it will be lost wages or some other excuse. I suggest you take you consider taking a hard line and soem tough love.

I hope things work out for you

Thankyou everyone for your replies and advice I'm sorry your all going or have gone through this as well, sorry for the families and sorry for the cg who have been in this position but well done to you if you have been able to recover from the addiction of this horrible evil thing that drags you in. Why is it you can go to the doctors and get help to stop smoking, stop drugs, stop alcohol abuse, anorexia, the list goes on and on.

You have to take yourself to the doctors 1st! There is help out there for this too but we're so caught up in the addiction & the belief that it is gonna bring us the golden egg that we don't need help! Grrrr, how I wish I'd accepted it sooner!

I know it's hard & I'm pretty sure that today's chat has just left you more frustrated but you need to do what feels right for you! You are going to be pecking @ his head but whilst he's under your roof & not playing by the rules, you are entitled to!

Keep posting, keep breathing - ODAAT