I really need some advice as I am at rock bottom. I'm 34 female with a partner of 10 yrs and a beautiful 4 year old boy. I have gambled online bingo since my early 20s and never really had a problem gambling small amounts and getting by with a few little wins. I have had many jobs but never been all that successful as I didn't have any money behind me to finish uni and I left home at a young age. My partner is the world to me we got together and have had many ups and downs. He went bankrupt in 2012 as a result of a failing business and I stuck by him and supported him as our son was a baby at the time. We put our wedding on hold. He is now doing much better. I lost my dad in 2015 he died suddenly at only 58 and with no warning. This destroyed me and I can't process my grief. I also had to deal in a horrible legal battle because he did not leave a will and this has caused an incredible amount of stress to our entire family over the last 3 years. I received an inheritance of £30k after winning the legal battle and more is to come once the rest is over. However during the last 3 years I have been in a state of despair and began gambling more and more and have become addicted to a particular slot on my mobile. I would say it was a mixture of despair, emptiness and pain that I was trying to process and it was a bit of an escape to start with.. I spent some inheritance and wanted to win it back and the vicious cycle continued.the urge to gamble is more because I know it is my dads money I am trying to win back. I cleared my debts and then made more. I am now 10k in debt and have spent all of my inheritance. I have no way of getting more money as I am refused even payday loans now. My partner has no idea and thinks we are building towards buying our first house.we have discussed me getting the mortgage in my sole name as he has been bankrupt. My credit score is terrible now. I am so ashamed of myself and have felt suicidal but I could never because of my boy. it becy He is the world to me. I just want to feel better but I can't bring myself to tell my fiance because I'm scared he will leave me and I will lose everything. I am now going to enter a debt plan but this could mean we never gent our own home as we are both credit blacklisted. I have blown everything. I know I will receive more money and I'm scared I will go back to gambling. I just don't know how to help myself to get better and come to terms with losing my dad. I really want to stop but I also want our family to be able to do what most families do and have a stable home. I feel like life has been on hold the last 3 yrs and I want my life back and to know that I can live a happy life again I want to get married and grow our family. . I know that wasting money my wages on gambling won't do that but how do I put this right? My fiancГ© has no idea about the current situation but he knows I have gambled in the past and I told him I would stop. I feel like this is to great a fall for him to forgive me again. I am considering barring myself from the site and getting the debt management plan and not telling him. If I could pay the debt off when I receive the rest of my inheritance I could not tell him and we could buy a house further down the line.the debt is unmanageable at the moment but will be gone when I receive the remainder of the money from my dad. I want to put it all behind me and this is the first step I'm taking as any advice is greatly appreciated.i hate having to keep it from him and I feel so deceitful but I just don't want to risk losing everything he and my son are all I have left. Please help me
Good afternoon and welcome to the site . It’s quite a story but when you strip it down it’s identical to every gambler here . We can’t win because we can’t walk away and it continues like that for many years . It seems that you have now come to the realisation that you can’t continue like this with the gambling . What is Making it worse for you right now are a few factors . You have only just admitted it to yourself but your partner must be told . If you keep it a secret I’m afraid there won’t be any blocks in place . You then have to tackle the gambling outlets by self exclusion . Gamstop allows you to self exclude yourself from all UK based operators . Then you need to be honest again with your partner and hand control of your money over . The biggest issue you seem to be facing is the guilt of where the money came from , your inheritance . Would you feel any different if it was an extra £30k from loans ? The end result is the same and you must write this off and what’s gone is gone . Your financial situation could be remedied with the next amount of inheritance but only if you follow the steps and blocks otherwise you will still be a gambler with no access to money at the moment . Is there a GA meeting nearby or perhaps some counselling , I believe GamCare offers this . You also need to find something else to fill the void that gambling leaves , maybe start a new hobby , gym, study , whatever normal people do. This can be done you can stop if you want to but it’s very difficult in just willpower alone . If you don’t address this now I’m afraid it doesn’t look good for you further down the line . Good luck and it’s totally up to you to take any advice , I’m just trying to tell you how I have managed to stop for a successful period of time . I can sleep better at night and don’t have to lie to my family or myself . For the record I managed to get a new mortgage whilst on a debt management plan (which took me 7 years to pay off the DMP) but as I said before if it’s a big financial decision your partner has a right to know .
Hi Bryan thank you for your helpful comments. You are right the biggest problem I have is because of where the money came from. I have been using gambling as a coping strategy but it's spiralled out of control and I now feel even worse. I know I need to be brave and tell my fiancГ© I am just so scared. We have had a tough 5 yrs or so and this is just going to hurt even more. I am just so incredibly angry with myself and I don't deserve to be happy after what I have wasted. I anche also scared about entering the DMP as I don't know what to expect. We are renting and want to buy a house and I anche sick to the stomach to think that a mortgage is never going to be possible now. I want to do right for my son and I just am a failure. I still don't feel able to tell my partner how on earth do I break that kind of news to him?
Hi I think it's really important for you to not be able to gamble away the money that's coming. It's best to tell your partner, get him to look after the finances. Please see your gp for some grief counselling. Also gamcare offer free counselling for your gambling addiction. Put blocks in place. Software on your phone especially. K9, Gamban, Gamstop , self exclusion. If you really want to stop you have to put up the barriers.
A mortgage won’t be possible if you continue to gamble that’s the bottom line . It’s hard but you need to mentally write off the money you have lost in the past . You can’t move forward until you can do that . As compulsive gamblers no win is ever enough no loss is great enough . You have a fighting chance of salvaging a proper life from this if you make a pledge to stop.
Hi needlifeback so sorry you lost your dad its so hard . My story was similar to yours starting online bingo wasted thousands hit rock bottom but luckerly found this amazing site i havent gambled now for nearly 3 months and my life is slowly getting better month by month . I also have a 3 year old and a husband of 14 years i had to stop i knew if i didnt i would lose everything and they are my world . I was in debt with credit cards payday loans and my outgoing were alot more than my part time wage still cannot believe the mess i got myself into I started by blocking all sites you can do this easily now on gamstop blocks everything . I then wrote all debts down and worked out a plan for myself its scary seeing the numbers but found it pushed me more to stop . You can get counselling too on here which might give you more advise on how to grieve . Its early days for me but i really hope this helps you are not alone . I want a mortgage too just have to stay gf sort out debts and one day it will happen . Try to forget what you have lost you will never get it back . Good luck hun Bambi x
Hi Bambi thanks for your reply I a me glad you have found the help you needed. I know I'm not alone but I feel very alone. It is scary how life can be fine one day and just a nightmare the next. I still haven't told my fiancГ© I just can't do it. We have a holiday in a couple of wks and we have not had a break for so long I just want to try and relax for a week (uk holiday park great for kids). I have very little spending money though. None of this is sinking in I just wish I had that magic wand. To turn back the clock. I'm not going to gamble any more but this niggling part of my brain tells me to because I want to win it back. But I'm going to focus on a new chapter and accept the loss. It's just trying to pave the way for a decent future that worries me when I have a family to consider. I just feel like such an idiot. X
Take one day at a time and everything will fall into place as long as you stop you are winning and you will not have that horrible guilty feeling anymore plus we can save money once we get back on track. time is a great healer dont be too hard on yourself we all make mistakes we just have to learn from them . I think you should do whats best for you when it comes to your partner i admit i havent told my husband yet i plan to when the time is right for me . Hope you have a loverly family holiday take care Bambi x
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