New, 22 and Need Help. . .

Hi Danny

Have just read your post, but do not have time to reply right now. I will respond this evening, but just wanted to wish you well and encourage you to just make sure that today is a gamble free day. It's the best start you can give yourself to becoming the real you. Catch you later.

Ken

Hi Danny- It takes a lot of guts to admit that you have a problem and doing something about it takes even more guts. Im 33 and have gambled for 10 years and the last 2 I have let gambling take control. My dad always told me that it would spiral but I didnt believe him and here I am now on this site wondering why I didnt listen to him years ago. Anyway my point is, you are so young and have a great chance in changing your habits. Do it now because otherwise you will be here in 10 years with the same problem as me. Things are going good for you now but carry on gambling you will not believe how quickly you can lose everything. So dont take the risk. I would say the very best thing about this site - aside from the fact that there are great people on here who give great advice and helped me enormously- is that you can read others stories and almost get a glimpse into what your future will be if you carry on gambling. If I had come here 8 years ago I really would have stopped. Instead I bottled everything up and thought it was only me dealing with this problem. How wrong was I. Everyone here has different levels of problems and are at different stages of recovery but all have one goal. Not to gamble again. I hope you can share your story and just draw a line under the past and focus on the future because you will have a great one if you stop now. good luck

Hi Danny,

Please excuse me if I ramble a bit, but I want to get as much in as possible. I go to my local GA meeting almost every week and I find that 95% of what is said means nothing to me, but the other 5% I wrap up and take away with me to cherish. I am not religious and am just a normal guy who wants to do the best for his family and enjoy life. For years I used gambling as an escape, maybe life was too scary for me and I formed an unhealthy habit to protect myself. Now I have no idea what I thought was so scary.

It was about 25 years ago that I first contacted GA because I KNEW that I had a gambling problem. Unfortunately I failed to get the response that I needed, didn't pursue it and; hey presto! 25 years just disappeared like that.

Right now I have not had a bet for over 6 months and although my financial losses were never severe, what price can you put on those 25 years? I have the clearest head that I have had for many years, I am stronger and fitter than I was 20 years ago and my friendships and relationships are also stronger. I spent so much time and energy on gambling that I have had to fill my days and mental capacity with new hobbies and interests. I read a lot, listen to music, I rock climb 3 times a week, have been on Countdown, I spend time pursuing new business ventures, spend more time with family and friends, am better at my work, regularly prepare items for discussion at our weekly GA meetings, cook more, clean more, live more, I could go on and on…Oh and I still have more spare time on my hands than ever before.

Anything we do that we enjoy and is recreational and pleasurable ultimately has the potential to be addictive. It is part of our human nature that if something makes us feel good we want to repeat the experience. Gambling was my crutch for many years. In times of stress, grief, despair, frustration, unrequited love, whatever, I could always lose myself in an afternoon or evening of gambling. I could forget my troubles and go to the dogs, horses or casino and escape my woes for a while. Gambling was my panacea, my coping mechanism. A days gambling would get my head straight and I could carry on until the next setback or trauma. It was like self-medicating; gambling was my Prozac, my "upper" - it was the only drug that I needed to cope with everything life threw at me: and then somewhere along the line, the mechanism that I relied on to cope with my problems became the cause of my problems. I like to say ‘learn from the things that you do, even if you are not proud of them, and only regret the things that you haven’t done’.

Contemporary life is hard at times. We have to work hard to keep our balance and not favour escape over real life. I no longer want or need to gamble, largely because I have learned how much richer life is without it, but, I am not going to lie, I also have a morbid fear about where continued gambling could take me. I have read too many tortured accounts of peoples’ lives on these pages to be anything other than terrified of where gambling could lead.

I now have ultimate power and control over whether or not I gamble again. I would have to make a conscious decision to gamble. If I make that decision then I have no control as to where that will take me.

I often take inspiration from the power of words, so I will leave you with one of my favourite sayings and my favourite poem.

In any situation that requires action, the best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing; the worst thing you can do is nothing.

It Couldn't Be Done by Edgar Guest

Somebody said that it couldn't be done,

But he with a chuckle replied

That "maybe it couldn't," but he would be one

Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried.

So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin

On his face. If he worried he hid it.

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

That couldn't be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that;

At least no one ever has done it";

But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,

And the first thing we knew he'd begun it.

With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,

Without any doubting or quiddit,

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

That couldn't be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,

There are thousands to prophesy failure;

There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,

The dangers that wait to assail you.

But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,

Just take off your coat and go to it;

Just start to sing as you tackle the thing

That "cannot be done," and you'll do it.

If 5% of this has been useful in any way, the pleasure is all mine.

I wish you and your family all the very best.

Ken

Hey guys. Thanks so much for your responses they really are some wise words and cracking this addiction (strong one may I add) sooner than later, before it's too late is my main goal!

An update since self excluding Wednesday evening and deciding to knock this illness on the head for good, is great news. I haven't gambled at all since. I have logged in to gam care tonight because the urge to gamble this evening, right now is massive!

The whole, nearing Christmas, it's the weekend, buzz and excitement this evening hasn't helped my cravings!

But having read the comments has settled the urge.

I have found myself feeling quite grumpy and on edge the last couple of days which I suppose is normal?..

To add to a few comments you've made. . . My father and mother have no idea to the extent that I gamble, not only how frequent but the amounts too. In fact my friends don't even know. I guess it's feeling ashamed of it?.. But I even used to lie about the amount I won.. And say it was less.

Just to ask what were the best tips you guys used for stopping and did you feel happier after and how long was this?.. I'm sure it's personal preference but hearing what worked for you guys would be good?

Hope you're having a nice evening guys and will hear from you soon.

Danny 🙂

Hi Danny

It's great that you are doing so well. I have read a great deal on psychology in the past year and I have come to the conclusion, rather late in life that if you don't understand psychology, then you don't understand people, (or yourself), or why people do the things that they do.

The human brain is 3lbs of the most complex material found in the whole of the universe, so trying to understand it is impossible; we can only hope to control it to some degree. The gambling industry employs all the psychological influences possible to get the attention of our brains and encourage the habits that will make it want to come back time and again for more.

Urges are inevitable, but it is crucial not to take responsibility for the occurrence of the urge, only your response to it. Just because on Sunday you decide to stop gambling does not mean that on Monday you will not have urges. The fact that urges occur does not indicate that your motivation is weak, but that the addiction is strong. Because all habits have unconscious components, of which the urge is one, it will take time for these to die away. What is within our control is how we respond to the urge. An analogy could be made to someone knocking at our front door. All sorts of individuals might knock at our door, but it is up to us to decide with whom we will talk. Their knocking is not our responsibility, but to what extent we choose to speak with them is.

One book that you might appreciate is The Chimp Paradox by Dr Steve Peters. I recommend going to your local bookshop to read the first few pages before deciding whether to buy or not.

None of us can change what we have done in the past so it is best not to dwell for too long. We can, however, influence what happens now and that is where our efforts and thoughts should be concentrated.

Keep it up Danny, it will get easier.

All the best

Ken

Ken,

I am kind of into psychology and more so intrigued as to how the mind works, and I completely understood your last post and more importantly completely agreed! They are fantastic and very interesting words and the cravings have gone down to almost nil.

I will have a glimpse at that book but not much point when I have your text to read!

Thanks for taking your time to reply so quickly and I'll be back on no doubt tomorrow. . . As you know, Saturday is gambling mad so going to be chomping at the bit all day tomorrow. But will NOT give in.

Peace and speak soon.

Regards.

Danny.

I got the Chimp paradox after seeing it mentioned somewhere else on the forums. Ive only read a bit of it but can already see how that model is useful to gamblers. It sort of explains the question of Danny saying he is intelligent and yet still cant control the gambling - we are letting our chimps take control!

Great posts and advice in here. Definitely stay committed to stopping. I think we all have different weaknesses. For me it is online gambling only that I have a problem with (not bookies and not mobiles). Problem is I have to use a computer a lot. For me setting limits and self exclusion worked but I became unstuck when I found a site that made it harder to set limits.

I really urge you to do your best as you are so young so that you can avoid the pitfalls of things descending even worse. The first time I stopped I stopped because things had just got really bad - debts, having to move due to not having rent. I stopped then due to not having money available and also stopping contact with a group of friends who were all gamblers and would gamble on absolutely anything.

My recent blip I cannot offer any great advice as like you I am at the early stages of quitting. Reading this forum is definitely helpful to me and some of the stories have put some serious fear into me about future consequences if i continue the way I have been. I have excluded myself from the one games site I was left on and I am going to limit the bank account I have access to. This whole recent gambling experience has put me in fear on how I manage my bank accounts in terms of my own access to my money! Quite scary to realise you can work so hard and undo it all in a very short time frame of mindlessness.

Maybe it would be good to tell someone you know you have a problem. That's up to you. I told my girlfriend the other day and although it wasnt exactly a great experience I do feel good she knows as I'm not keeping it back from her. Plus I sort of want her to keep her eye on me. If you do carry on gambling - liklihood is people around you will find out at some point if it gets really bad.

Good luck. It's kinda funny that 10 years ago when I got myself in debt due to gambling I still never really thought I had a problem just a hobby had gone wrong kind of thing. Reading this forum in the last few days has made it so clear to me that I do have an issue when it comes to gambling and it is most definitely not a harmless hobby.

So many potentially good things we can do with our time and for some reason we are drawn to an activity that can cause real financial hardship, destroy ourselves mentally and cause hurt to those around us we care about. Good luck!!!

Some great comments from H-L. I totally understand what she says about having a clear head; I think perspicacity is the word.

We all too seldom hear the heartfelt views of someone who is on the other side of this addiction, so thanks and well done to your husband, please wish him well from me.

Recovery, or whatever you prefer to call it, is never one size fits all and you need to ascertain what works for you. It almost has to start as simple abstinence but needs to develop into something stronger in order to endure the test of time.

I see too many newcomers not returning to GA because they have been preached to by other compulsive gamblers. Even if done with the best of intentions, telling someone not to do this and to do that comes across to me as somewhat patronising when none of us is more or less worthy than another. GA is about sharing and sometimes baring your sole so that others can empathise and take something away to help them with their personal situation; when it works well you can feel something special in the room. It took me a few slips and falls before I got to where I am today, but I had to do it on my terms or it would merely have been a temporary fix.

Saturday is only another day, but it is far sweeter for not gambling.

Take care

Ken

Thanks H-L and Ken. Some more great comments and a great read.

Day 3 and I still haven't gambled so really chuffed as it's a Saturday which is football mad etc..

To some points about comments left is that I feel my parents don't need to know as i want to *** this without them having the worry.. Indeed if it doesn't work I will then tell them but I know I can *** it without them.. Plus I think to myself, "no gambling, I am not going to let you completely change, take over and ruin my life and how it used to be". So I am literally for now, living my life as I would have done before I ever gambled, and when I gambled.. Apart from no gambling!.. Still have all my friends if not most of them gambling around me on a daily basis.. (Peer pressure is the most powerful thing ever!!!! who wants to let their friends down?.. Nobody) And for now it's all well.. Although I am in a good way with it now I do know what steps I will need to take if I do have a mis-hap.

Thank you both once again.

So more wise words that are keeping me on track!

Concluding 3 days of no gambling, I have had 4 really bad urges but not given in.

One thing I will add is that I was terribly grumpy yesterday.. I think it's to do with stopping?..

Enjoy your evening guys.

Regards.

Danny.

Hi Danny

I hope that everything is well with you. If you slip up, dust yourself down and get up stronger, eventually nothing will knock you down. Have a great Christmas

Ken

Hi guys,

As you can see, I have not been on here for 4 months or so.

Did well initially, cant remember how long I lasted but am back to old ways gambling large amounts 7 days a week!

Came on here tonight as felt I must stop again but just need a little guidance and self-confidence.

How are we all getting on with our addictions?

I shall look forward to reading some comments on here tomorrow and am going to try really hard to not gamble of course! Fingers crossed and speak to you all tomorrow.

Goodnight,

Danny!