New and need of advice

Well I have been reading what others have put on here, it really helps to know that I am not alone. I have not gambled today as I am trying my best not to cave into temptation. Day one as they say but I have the evening to go...... Why is it so hard to say no! I keep saying to myself I can do this, I only hope it holds

Last night I spent £150, my husband has stopped me from accessing the account but unbeknown to him I used paypal to transfer money. I am going to have to tell him tonight. I am so scared as I really think this will be the end. Why do I do things like this! I am going to try to be strong and face up to what I have done but how much can one man take. He tries hard but I always give into temptation. How can I explain why I do what I do when I don't even know myself. I only hope that with the advice of a blocker and extreme hard work on my part will be enough, I pray that I can stop.......

Hi AmandaG,

You have come to the right place! 🙂

I also have an addiction to gambling (mainly slots)

I have been using this forum for approx 1 year now and find it a huge help, talking to others and realising that you are not alone. There is also a lot of great advise on here from people who won't judge you.

I have been trying to quit for approx 10 months, I have had a few slip ups along the way bit as of today I am 114 days gamble free and feel so much better for it.

My advise to you would be to install the gambling filters on your pc ASAP, and if you can't do it immediately then self exclude from every website that you use

Secondly, find something to fill the time when you are bored, read a book, go for a walk find a new hobby / sport etc

return to this forum regularly, I find it a great help to read through peoples stories and advice to remind me why I am quitting and keep me focussed.

Another thing which I found helped me was to hand over complete control of my finances to my partner, although I thought I would hate it I found it was a huge weight lifted of my shoulders, not having any money really helps with the cravings.

There is not magic formula to quit gambling, you just need to try different methods, and find one that works for you.

I wish you all the best and hope to hear from you soon.

Adam x

Thank you Adam for your advice, I have told my husband and we have together put the software blocker K9 on. I can now no longer access any gambling websites. I can not tell you the relief I feel and the support from Paul, I really do not deserve it from him or yourself for that matter. Day one is almost at an end and I have not spent a penny, so glad of this. I am going to set myself a target to fill in time tomorrow, it will probably be reading just as you suggested. Thank you for your advice and I hope things now start to go a lot better than they have been.

Hi Amanda. No real advice but sounds like you have a really supportive partner. If it's boredom and upset that triggers you i think you have to really try and notice when those moments occur. It's a similar trigger for me and I'm finding it easier to stop myself before I gamble than I ever could stop mid gamble (I'd literally be glued to my comp for hours). Definitely do everything you can that will act as a block from allowing you to gamble in terms of self excluding, blocking, giving control of finances to partner. Also maybe try and find something to do that's positive and useful when bored. Something crafty, exercise, reading, learning. Cooking...

Thank you thetimisnow for your very good advice, during the last few days I have been keeping very busy and have found that I have not had any want to gamble. I just need to make sure that when I am down or bored that I actively do something positive instead of negative.

Hope all is well with you.

Hi Amanda,

reading your post is very similar to myself..looking at your partners face, when you know that you have gambled is hard...i have given the slots up,and know that that it is not easy money!! it will help by still coming on here and sharing your thoughts...I feel good knowing that I have resisted temptation on my own terms since Decemberr 2013 and not gambled all my wages, and then have to take pay day loans to live...This is a new begining for you and your hubby,As long as you love each other things get better..I know because i could not understand when my chap said that he loves me so much and how he stuck by me. We have just had a great positive month and hope to keep many more month's this way..Good luck to you, and you be the winner by putting 2 fingers up when you think about the slots xxx

To have the support of a partner is an amazing thing, you must cherish this and understand that progression will only come about by being as honest as possible. Tell him about the urges you feel, tell him how your thought processes work and about when (or if) you have been dishonest or deceitful. Problem gambling and compulsive behaviours are very difficult to fully understand for the person involved, but even more so for the people who are indirectly caught up in it. People are also less likely to listen when they are upset, angry or disappointed, it is up to you to fill him in on everything that you learn. He can continue to help too, there are GA sessions for partners, he can read up at the library or online to get some advice, maybe ask him to text you your gamble free days everyday like my mother did for 3 months, it proved to be a great help and was a constant reminder that I am not alone in wanting to move forward.

You have definitely come to the right place, there is a wealth of information on here and like it has been said before, there is no magic formula to dealing with this so pick your way through it all, take what you can and find that way forward, it does exist! You will figure this out in time, it maybe today, next week or years down the line, you make that choice from within, and once you're armed up, you will be able to beat away that irrational person that comes out and makes yours and others lives a pain!

Well done for seeking out some help, it shows that you do know how to take control, the best of us can fall into this situation so don't beat yourself up.

Lets do this! Think of what you could have been doing and achieving whilst you were gambling and understand that especially playing any game where you have less than 50% chance of winning is just a pointless exercise! Wave it goodbye!

All the best and good luck!

Alexis

I need to start somewhere, not even sure how to??? This battle of gambling had brought me back again!!! I’ve just spoken to a counselling service and booked my 1st appointment for a 1 to 1 session, I thought I could do it alone, but obviously not as after all these years, I have relapsed, I was online until 4.40am this morning gambling on the slots, I then got my son to school and went to work, I could not consentrate driving on the motorway, which scared me, I got into work, then made an excuse and booked the day off- I just needed to do something, to address this gambling addiction, I gambled £2400 of my wages- and now have to punish my family until next months wage comes in. it’s so brutal, I have no tears, or anger anymore as it is a normal pattern almost, I am going to head this problem properly once and for all, by having counselling and continuing to use gamcare, I can not do it alone- I have to accept that,as of this morning gambling won me!!!! This stops as of 11.45am today- I will be open and honest about my problem and finally have the sense to quit the entisment of self destruction

Hi Karen - How come the self destruction is weirdly enticing like you say? I can relate to that, this addiction is so messed up. We all have multiple tales of our gambling catastrophes yet are somehow still attracted to it! It’s infuriating but I haven’t gambled for two weeks & have got on top of debts caused by gambling somewhat. But I’ve worked hard and have no money to spend on myself. That will have to continue for a few more weeks until the money I earn starts to become mine again. Gambling has caused so much pain that I don’t want to sit down with it anymore.

+ It may not mean much but I’m thinking of you and hope you can find the help you need to rid yourself from this terrible affliction, you’re better than this.

Hey Karen, just thought I'd pop in and say hi. Sounds like you are and have in the past been in similar situations to me. I thought I could beat the gambling myself about 3-4 years ago when I borrowed a huge amount of money off a close family member and paid off a chunk of my debts. I didn't gamble for probably 10-12 months before I thought I'd have a little accumulator online on the football, you can imagine what happened next. 12 months after borrowing the money and not paying a penny back yet again I was back up to my ears in gambling, only this time worse. All cards maxed out again and in a worse position than before I cracked and realised I couldn't do it alone. I work away and spent a week not sleeping or eating, crying and driving myself into a hole of depression until I reached out to my family member again and a very close friend. This time I told everything and between us it was decided I needed to come clean to my wife whatever the outcome, I needed help and support.

After almost losing everything and a lot of rough months we managed to make it through the worst of it and 17 months later we are in the best position we have been for a long time, and I have paid roughly just over 50% of my crippling debt off, including 60% of what I owed my family member. I can honestly say that gambling changed me completely, I was totally unrecognisable to family. It's never too late to quit but the most important thing is you have to want to stop, talking about it isn't good enough and trying to beat it alone and keeping it secret only feeds the need to gamble (or so I found). Here is my advice to you, some you may have already acted upon....

1. Be honest, tell your partner everything. You will feel better for having it all in the open.

2. Contact all gambling sites that you use, explain you have a gambling problem and that you want a lifetime exclusion. Don't worry if you forget some, they will contact you everntually. Just make sure you exclude yourself when you do find them.

3. Get your partner to install whatever software you can get your hands on, I found Gamban helped me on my laptop. As for your phone, you might have to pay a small fee depending on your operating system but it would be worth it. Get your husband to set the password so you don't know it.

4. Seek counselling through here. As I work away I couldn't benefit from the face to face so instead opted for phone chats. It helped me find my triggers (boredom and financial stress being mine) and I now do whatever I can to steer myself away from them. I started in the gym again to relieve some of the boredom and started booking little things to do with the family to look forward to, stuff we couldn't afford because I spent everything gambling.

5. Cancel all cards and ask for new ones to be sent out, this way none of your card details will be stored on any sites. When your cards arrive get your husband to cut them up or store them away from you.

6. Give your husband full financial access to your accounts, banking credit cards etc so that he can monitor them from time to time.

You don't mention if you are in debt, I know things like that are very personal to some. I was in debt to the sum of a small house, and I work hard to make sure I continue to reduce that debt as much as possible. Once again it all depends on how much YOU want to stop, personally I never want to gamble again and tomorrow will mark my 500th Gamble free day so proof you can do it if you want. Please don't be fooled though, even at day 499 it's still all very raw. The lies and the lifestyle I gave my family, the debts I amassed, the endless days of darkness are still with me everyday and I still struggle from time to time but I am a much better, and stronger person without gambling.

We are all here to chat if you ever need advice. Sorry for rambling on.

Thank you for responding to me, I’m so encouraged by your kind words and advice, I will be able to move forward as every part of my being wants to- Only I can do this with help and support, yes I have many debts, maybe immediate to the excess of about ,£3000, there is then the debt in my partners name from the past 10 years of gambling and scrapping up my volcanic episodes, where he remortgaged the house, to give me/us clean start....£20,000, I’ve maxed the credit card to £6000, which he payed off last year to make it that we wouldn’t be paying debt of monthly!! Admittedly I’ve have not gambled with the credit card- but month after month we have had to use it to live - as I’ve gambled all my wages, he isn’t happy but he will stand by me, whilst I seek out side help and support, I can not wait for Tuesday to meet my counselling support. All the above debt is very doable...as I earn good money- my grace and hope is that we are only at the end of March 2018. This in my head allows me a goal to rid the debt within the next 9mths and have a total utter gamble free for 2019...this is the goal I have set my self, the rest of this year will be the start of my healing process... my son wants to got for a meal later, and I have to tell him that we can’t do anything for the next month, shame on me!!! This is enough to to make me understand that gambling doesn’t work out, I’m going to get through this day by tackling the real life feelings, that me blowing my wages had done, I will keep you updated, and we’ll done to you yourself, thanks for your words.

Hey, firstly Amanda I'd like to apologise for hijacking your post, in a tired state of confusion I thought it was Karen's.

Karen it's really no problem, we are all here for one thing and that's because we have an issue. If what helped me reach 500 days GF can help 1 other person I'll be happy, I know exactly what it's like to be in that position. My debts totalled the price of a small house where I live and I dread to think what I spent on top of that. What's quite scary is how much we are able to do without the betting. Fortunately, like you I have a decent job which pays well and is allowing me to reduce my debts. I also set a target to have everything paid off by a certain date but then after a discussion with my wife I decided to let that slip a little, afterall you need to be able to do nice things and enjoy yourself. In the months since I've quit we have done more than in the previous 5 years of gambling not to mention the amount of home improvements we've done, all while still paying the debts. This has only proven to me that being GF is totally worth it and is a continous drive for me, why give all that money to someone for nothing.

If you haven't already then give your partner financial control until you can control the urges a little better, people think it's horrendous but trust me it really isn't. It just puts another pair of eyes on your bank acount so that you can't hide it, I found that hiding it made it easier because my wife couldnt see what was being spent. You might get a huge shock how much extra cash you have if you can go a month without gambling. Just imagine what you can do with that 2400....a holiday?, some of your debt paid off, maybe pay a chunk off the debt and treat your family to a weekend away, that's up to you but do something that makes you feel good. Things that will give you something else to focus on other than gambling. 🙂

Once you start with the counselling things should get better, hopefully they'll help you find your triggers. At the minute things are very raw, once that mist clears from your head and you can see a little clearer it'll get easier. The further away from that last bet I get the better I get. Try not to dwell on the past, that's done now and the money is spent. Instead focus on the future and what you want from life because I'm pretty certain this isn't what you want for the next 20 years. Good luck with your recovery and we are only a mesage away.