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My husband is the recovering CG in the house so I can't offer quite the perspective you're asking for but I can assure you sooner is better than later. There isn't a good time to do it and doing it makes it very much harder for you to gamble in secret. He's going to find out anyway. You can't hide that level of debt indefinitely. Telling him puts you in control of how that happens and means you can show him what you're doing to eliminate your access to gambling rather than making vague promises. It also means he can offer you additional support in taking over finances, setting passwords and sitting with you while you self exclude from every account you have. You can expect a lot of anger, a lot of worry and a lot of questions. My advice would be to take it on the chin and answer everything honestly and patiently even if you think you've already covered it. You've known about this for a while. He will have it dumped on him out of the blue and it's going to take a while for him to process it all. It would be a good idea for him to access support for himself whether that's online, via a group such as Gamanon or someone close he can confide in.

On another note GA statistically has the highest rate of success in maintaining recovery. Even if you were to run into someone you know everyone is there for the same reason and they all have the same goal which is maintaining a gamble free life. No-one will judge you and you will be among people who have been exactly were you are and get it in a way that's near impossible for non CG's. Mr L attends regularly and him letting it slip would make me very, very twitchy.

Thanks so much for responding Lethe.

Panders. I know exactly how you feel. I too feel like I can't share my shame with anyone. My debt is 33k and I also had a string of unpaid direct debits which made me realise how ridiculous and out of hand things were getting. I'm a single mum and have had to move back in with parents (at 42!!) so I have been hiding the debt from them. Things came to a head over Christmas and I had to go via Stepchange. They recommended a debt management plan which is now in place. I'm paying £394 a month instead of nearly £900 a month. Such a relief. I also started on some "harmless" bingo but used to get bored waiting for the next game so started online slots. HUGE mistake.

My parents know that I gambled but not full extent of debt. I wish I could rewind 18 months :(. Could you not retry filling in the stepchange information and bump up your outgoings ??? I have no idea how you cope with the repayments but they must be phenomenal. Good luck with stopping. I'm only on day 5 but previously managed just over 150 days. I got complacent and had "one more go" .....it cost me about £4K . NO MORE EVER AGAIN Xxx

Thanks so much for your reply, having read some of your threads we could be twins with so much similarity in our stories!!

Hi Panders. I told my partner about my gambling on Friday. It was the hardest thing I have done in my life. I was so guilty from hiding it from him for the past 8 months but as soon as I did I felt relieved. It took me weeks and weeks to decide it was what I had to do. I feel like I have totally let him down and my children. I almost felt like two different people being happy and normal and carry on as normal hiding it away and then when I was on my own I was scared, anxious, shaking and hated myself. He was shocked and horrified on Friday. It's a massive thing for someone to take in especially as he hates gambling. However he listened to me and we chatted for hours, he hugged me and tried to understand. This weekend has been a rollercoaster. He feels like he is living with a stranger and he is angry at the moment. However I do know he loves me and I'm hoping we can get through this. I will keep you updated on how it turns out. In the meantime I can say that for me, no matter what the outcome in my relationship, I am still glad I got it out and admitted it. I haven't felt like I have wanted to gamble since. I feel like now I have got it out and told him that will give me the strength I need to overcome it. I know it's going to take a long time to do this but I'm going to take it day by day.

Hi and welcome
Thanks for sharing your story. ..
It is sadley a very common story ....and one that will be repeated more and more I fear.
Like you I gambled the online slots in secret....
Tried several times to quit alone. ..it didn't work...
Take a look at my diary love.. it may help...it may not....
A year ago i arrived here broken...scared and ashamed..
My lifes very diferent now...
Good luck love

Thanks so much, I take lots of strength from your coming clean with your husbands not being as bad as expected.i just keep coming up with reasons as to why now is not a good day to do it! I have my first counselling session tomorrow evening so I hope that will give me further incentive to tell him, just feel so bad dumping my issues on him when he's done nothing to deserve it 🙁

Loxxie its going to take me weeks to read your diary but loving it so far!

I too have started to read your diary Loxxie. My story is similar to yours, started with a bit of bingo nothing much then I found the slots whilst playing bingo games. Huge massive big mistake. I totally understand it's so daunting and terrifying putting your problems on your husband when he hasn't done anything and doesn't deserve it. Mine truly hates gambling and that scared me to death admitting it to him. That's as far as I have got at the moment but already I feel a huge weight has been lifted, no more hiding away, no more pretending all is okay. I would love to hear how your counselling session goes this evening.

Panders..at least if your reading my diary its keeping you occupied
Keep pushing xx
Let my family down...I hope it helps a little...good idea to start your own diary.....easier for others to keep in touch love

Hi there,
I've just this minute joined here but wanted to reply right away.
Ive been where you are now.

I am addicted to slots also, it started about 10 years ago after my nail technician told me about a win she had on Jackpot joy.
I went home and gave it a go and won £200 right off........I was addicted from that moment.

Over the years it was my husbands credit cards that I run the debt up on, about £28k - let alone how many other thousands of pounds of my wages and payday loan companies, probably about 70k.
My husband left all the finances to me, he always thought I had everything under control.
I stopped the credit card statements from being sent in the post so that he wouldn't find out.
I would try and juggle the cards around to being on 0% interest but as the cards were being maxed out to their limits and then being declined any more credit cards, it got really really messy!
I lived my life in panick, years and years of being consumed by guilt, I'd sit and watch for the postman most days when I could just in case any letters arrived concerning his credit cards.
He then started about moving house and applying for a new mortgage and I knew he would find out about all this.
I knew I had to tell him, and I was convinced it would be the end of my marriage - I was so completely sure of that!
I tried a few times to tell him but bottled out at the last minute.
Then when the day came and I told him..... I couldn't get the words out easy as I was crying so much I told him everything.
Guess what he did?? He hugged me!!!!! He hugged me!!
He said we all make mistakes and that we can deal with it together. I was in total and utter shock and was sobbing uncontrollably from relief.

I was the biggest sense of relief I've ever felt in my life!!

I cut up all my debit cards and handed him his credit cards back.
It's was tricky not having a debit card, but I opened a savings account that just had a cash card facility so I could get out the cash from the atm only. The money I saved was huge.

Unfortunately, just before Christmas, I re ordered my debit card as I thought I was over my addiction and wanted to do some Christmas shopping online. I was so very wrong. I'm now back on the slots. And last night was the absolute worst as I transfered £400 from my husbands bank account to mine so that I could play. I'd hand a few drinks, which is the worst thing for me. And now I have that sick panicky, guilty feeling back right now.
If he found out, he really would end our marriage this time as we haven't been getting on too well recently.......and the s**t thing is, he's recently lost his job.....so there is am taking £400 of his savings. I litterally am the worst wife in the world!
I will pay him back when I get paid at the end of the month, it will leave me with no money for a whole month, but it's my own fault. I'm just praying he doesn't find out before that.

So it was the best thing I ever did when I told my husband about it the first time!!!
Now I've messed up again, and I don't think he'll be so understanding second time around!
My debit card has been cut up this morning!!
I really do hope you find the courage to tell him, you can't go on living as you are. You need to tell him and whatever the reaction, it will still be a freedom from what you are living now.xxx

Sorry for the long reply!

Hi I am new an cannot believe the similarities with my situation. I started on bingo about 8 years ago only spending low amounts. Never use slots but found them online and had a little win. Started playing more but only one or twice a month. I then started playing when I had a few drinks and losing inhibitors. I felt I still had control until I had a run of bad events within the last 3 years such as bereavement and redundancy etc. I had a blow out of about 2 grand in 2015 but got a 0 percent credit card and paid it off by early last year. I found a new job but started gambling again last July. I only went on every couple of weeks when feeling weak especially when my mother was seriously ill. I ended up with a 3 grr and debt. I spoke to gamcare in depth and I realise that I gamble as a coping mechanism and release. I told my husband and he did not really understand but paid my debt off. I put measures in place such as my wages going into the joint account and me having so called pocket money in cash. I was so releived and thought I had a fresh start. How wrong was I. I now have my old overdraft back and owe. 1 k. Am disgusted in myself and feel such a failure. I am debating whether to tell hubby but not ready yet. I want to try to sort it myself this time. I know it's not a life changing amount to owe as I don't have any other debt but it's more than about the money to me. I now feel more determined than ever to keep away from the internet sites and will regularly check in with progress. It's sad but good to feel that I am not alone. Sorry for long post but 1st time on her. Keep the strength up everyone x

Thanks everyone, so overwhelmed by the support and upset about the similarity of the themes for us all....bingo seemingly being the gateway to this horrible addiction! I'm going to start a diary as suggested and hope to follow your continued recovery on there!

Hi reading all these stories brings one thing back to the surface that we are all compulsive gamblers and are all very good with lies and deceit from our partners. The one thing I couldn't do when I was gambling was to reach out and ask for help as I was so ashamed and embarrassed by what I was doing whilst in my gambling bubble. My wife has stood by me previously but every time she has found out and I never came forward with my gambling problem. This time as usual she found out and if I'm honest it has cost me my marriage and family life with our 2 sons who are deeply upset, I am totally devastated that this illness/addiction has cost me my marriage. The only thing I would say from my own personal experiences is it's never nice but is so much better coming from you rather than them finding out.

Regards

Darren