New member

Hi Rory,

Welcome to the Forum, and well done for posting. It sounds like you have got yourself in a situation where you have not much option but to come clean with the people who are directly affected by your gambling. Well done for telling your manager about gambling your loan, and it seems like he was honest with you, 'understandably livid but won't sack' you. It sounds like he expected you to sort yourself out, and that is right as you alone can sort this out. You mentioned that you do not know how to tell your wife, I am wondering if it is becuse she feels that you do not have any access to gambling, as she is helping you by controlling your finances. Whatever be the case, you may have to tell her as you would have to travel to work; Like your manager she may be dissapointed, but unlike your manger she may not have much option but to help you find a way to get to work, and then you two may have to look at how you can clear the work loan.

Rory, you may want to use this time to think about what you want to do about your gambling, as your determination to not want to gamble is paramount to your recovery, as there will always be a way to gamble if you want to find one.What you have to settle is your work loan and you and your wife may be able to work out how you can pay your work loan from your wages. However way your wife decides to deal with this will be her choice as you made a choice when you took the loan from work and gambled it. Hearing it as it is may be what would help.

What you could do now is to look at putting blocks in place to make it less easier for you to gamble when you have the urge to gamble, there is help. We can also give you free counselling if you want to look at the underlying reasons why you gamble.

You can call our Free Helpline on 0808 8020133 or our Netline from this site and speak to one of our advisors in confidence. Most people will say that coming clean takes the weight off their shoulders, and it may be the best option for you too in this situation.

You do not have to be alone in this, there is help.

Take Care

Forum Admin

Morning admin,

​I have had enough of gambling. I havnt had a bet since Sunday night and I will try not to today. Its my wife's birthday in 2 weeks, I cant do it to her just yet but I will. I have opened up to my older brother, who has had addiction problems in the past. I love my wife and don't want to lose her over this. She will know in good time, I just want to put the wheels in motion to recovery so she can see i am serious this time. I spoke to an advisor yesterday to told me things I could do to help ie blocks on phone which I already did. Told me about ga which I am going to go to and referred me to brake even counselling. Should here from them today. I am going to beat this once and for all. I don't deserve my wife and children but I am going to change, I have to change. I can get to work today and for the next week.

Its a start.

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Hi. Newly joined this forum. Yesterday my son-in-law was brave enough to tell me he had gambling problems, today I'm finding out how I can support him through getting himself out of the mess he is in. I'll be browsing this forum as a starting point (I have phoned the helpline - very nice lady, very helpful.)

Hi iv just joined , not sure this is the right place to type ?! I'm starting to get into dept to play online slots and I can't go into a shop with out getting a scratch card . I have to withdraw my money from my bank as soon as it goes in or I end up blowing it on slots . My partner has no idea he knows I gamble sometimes but he has no idea how much it's taking over my life . I really don't know what to do to stop .

Rory how about making something for your wife? Write a poem, or something that she likes. Sometimes its worth more than things we buy...

Hi,

Helen, I'm not sure my mother in law would be so understanding, although, this is 14 months on from when I first admitted a problem. Not sure she would so sympathetic. Rosie, you've maid the first step, well done. Contact the number in the post above by admin team. Will help you there. There are also gamblers anonymous you could contact re group sessions. This is a disease and I hate it now. I feel so guilty.I didn't have a bet yesterday and I will try not to today. One day at a time.

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Hi lasttime23,

​I am making a conscious effort to do more 'man jobs' in the house. My wife is always badgering me to do these things and it is something I loath but it is something to put.my mind towards otherwise my mind will probably wonder and go to the dark side. I hung some doors the other night and this weekend I am wallpapering my youngest girls bedroom. We are going camping as a family next weekend and the week after for my wife's birthday we are going out for drinks and meal. I want her to see that I am making a real effort this time. Hopefully it will soften the blow and we can work together.

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Sound great! Good luck with it!

Rosie mercey1 wrote: Hi iv just joined , not sure this is the right place to type ?! I'm starting to get into dept to play online slots and I can't go into a shop with out getting a scratch card . I have to withdraw my money from my bank as soon as it goes in or I end up blowing it on slots . My partner has no idea he knows I gamble sometimes but he has no idea how much it's taking over my life . I really don't know what to do to stop .

Hi Rosie

Thanks for taking the step to share your problem here. Do please give us a call on 0808 8020 133 or chat to us on the Netline. We can tell you about ways to block yourself from gambling online, and we can offer free counselling or point you towards support group meetings in your area. There's a lot you can do to help yourself. It's tough to do it alone, so it's important to ask for help.

If you'd like to start a thread of your own, go to the front page of the 'New member intros' section, scroll to the bottom and click the button marked "New topic".

Best wishes

Forum Admin

HelenH wrote:

Hi. Newly joined this forum. Yesterday my son-in-law was brave enough to tell me he had gambling problems, today I'm finding out how I can support him through getting himself out of the mess he is in. I'll be browsing this forum as a starting point (I have phoned the helpline - very nice lady, very helpful.)

Hello Helen

Thanks for joining the forum and being supportive of your son in law.

You might get more responses if you start a thread of your own. To do that, go to the front page of the 'New member intros' section, scroll to the bottom and click the button marked "New topic". Here in New Member Intros you'll get responses from gamblers and those affected by other people's gambling. You might also want to explore the 'Family and Friends' section which as it says, is for those affected by someone else's gambling.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Hi Rory.

You are not alone and we have all been there. I relapsed for 10 months after first saying I would stop on the forum.

Larger sums of money is a trigger and you might not have realised the full power of the addiction. You must learn from this and talk through the situation where anybody might give you advances or cash sums. I told everyone I thought of that I was not to be handed any sums of money without standing in the bank with me and watching bills get paid.

Recovery is also a learning process. My best advice is that its no good having secrets from your wife so if you can build up the courage to tell her. Thats your decision and its based on a clear plan of action on how you are going to move forward and replace that money over time.

The addiction was often stronger in us than we realised but it can be beaten with better blocks and taking it through with family and counsellors. I can assure you the desire to gamble does fade away when the mind heals.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum.

Hi,

​Day 8 and still no bet. This side of things hasn't been to hard. The fallout has been the hardest. I told my wife yesterday and she is broken. I thought last week was bad when I had to tell my boss. Like my wife said, I seem hell-bent on throwing my life away. The guilt I feel is immense for what I have done to my wife and girls. I am devastated. She let me sleep in our bed last night but I sense there is worse to come. Not much conversation happened Las night. I saw her this morning briefly and she hadn't much sleep. I looked into her eyes nd there wasn't much emotion. Whatever she decides, its all my fault and something I will have to deal with. What have i done? Off to ga meeting for first time tonight. Hopefully my actions will help and I can get my marriage back.... I will not bet today. Received a message just now from my wife. She has true explaining to my 9yr old about why her mummy is upset. My daughter kept saying sorry to her and offered to give my wife her pocket money.....how heartbreaking. I shouldn't be letting my daughter think like that. I am the worst father....

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Hi Rory I'm wife of cg, please encourage your wife to get help. Call the helpline, get counselling or get to a gamanon meeting. Well done for telling her, but she needs support too. Good luck

If your wife has control of the finances how were you able to spend the season ticket advance? If there's a loophole there, you will need to close it. Addicts are experts at exploiting them.

Agree with MGR. Your wife needs support too. Has she anyone she can turn to IRL?