Hi all,
First of all thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this post as I have not spoken about my gambling to anyone before and this already feels like some kind of release being able to have someone, anyone, listen to it who I don't feel ashamed about telling and who might actuallu understand.
Secondly, the amount of time I've spent gambling and the money I have wasted on it might seem small in comparison to some people suffering for much longer, but I feel mine is spiralling out of control at such a rate that I just need to tell someone.
Tonight I lost 1500 euro in 10 minutes on a casino site and is the first time I have really lost big. I am not a rich guy and just sitting in a dark room here in my house I am filled with loathing about how I could have actually done this. My life has not been great overall the last few months (gambling started as a result of this I think) but today had actually been a great day and I had gone to bed and switched off my phone and was trying to get to sleep. The speed with which I immersed myself in roulette again and the stupid amounts of money I bet lost and chased actually amaze me, as prior to 5 months ago I had never placed a bet in my thirty years on this planet.
I started betting on an arsenal and celtic double around that time and won a good amount off a 10 euro bet. Since then I seem to have gone through so many cycles of getting onto a betting site, betting loads winning some and then eventually losing enough to scare me and then self excluding from that site. I actually think I must have gone through this process with about 15 or 20 sites over the last few months and each time I lost some but nothing cataclysmic. Each time I would still have that talk with myself and say never again but it always seemed to start again a week or two later with a different site.
I honestly hate myself for having lost so much money in 10 minutes this evening having worked so hard for that money in my job that doesn't pay that well. I also know that my parents and brothers in particular would be disgusted with me for that as the family ethos is all about hard effort and graft and they would just be so disappointed I got into gambling in the first place.
Anyway, sorry for rambling on about the but as I said I'm sitting in a dark room and deeply depressed not just at the fact that I have lost so much money in such a short space of time, but also that the gambling industry has managed to bleed another victim dry so easily. I just need to stop and get back to the other things in my life that are so much more worth living for.
Any advice anyone could offer on how to do this, I'd hugely appreciate it.
Cheers,
Niall
I'm new to this site.
I'm very frightened
Walsh,
You have a lot of reasons to be proud - it sounds like you are admitting to yourself and others that you have a problem at an early enough stage that you can stop this from having a profound impact on your life
There is some great professional help out there - use it
Personally, I would also advocate confessing to your family - I totally understand the concern that causes you but it would give you the best chance of getting on top of your addicition
and you are an addict
Your behaviour already confirms that and I think the most apt phrase for you to consider is you cannot win because you cannot stop
There are thousands of us CG - many of this site that will be wishing your every ounce of strength to take this seriously now and stop it before it gets any worse - don't think you can beat this solo, with an occassional gamcare post because it's probably less than 1/1,000,000 that are able to do that
I wish you all the best. I'm a CG, today I am going to choose not to gamble
Hi Paris
Welcome to the forum, I can see that you are frightened and would encourage you to call the freephone helpline today on 0808 8020 133 to speak confidentially to a helpline Adviser.
I also need to mention that your first post as a newcomer has been posted within walshno87's thread which will make it difficult for others to see your new post. If you could start your own thread it would make it easier for you to also get some responses from other recovering gamblers.
Kind regards
Cade
Forum admin
Hello Walshno87
Thank you for posting today
I can see that you have been having a difficult time trying to stop gambling online. To make things a little easier you could try uploading a blocking software on your device. I have included a link for you to take a look at and help you decide which one would be best suited to your device. http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software#.VCA52fldXww
You might also like to take a look at the chatrooms to help you share how your feeling with other recovering gamblers. It sometimes helps if you can have someone to talk to who you feel may understand what your experiencing. Please check the forum chatroom section for days and times of chat sessions. This link will help http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/gamcare-chatrooms-how-join-us
Kind regards
Cade
Forum admin
Welcome Walsh, your in the right place and there is no judgement here we have all been where you are. Most recently I was there about one week ago!
Paris, tell us your story, we are listening...
Hi guys
My name is Matty Lane and i am a problem gambler, i appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and even reply to what i am about to say. Recently i have slipped up majorly by lying to my fianceГ©, my family and her family about money that i had spent over the last months. I have been struggling with gambling for many years but up until 4 months ago had been keeping it under control. I recently had to make a transfer of some money to my fianceГ© bank account and as i couldn't do the full amount tried to cover my tracks by lying about where the money had gone. She saw right through me and gradually throughout the weekend the lie grew until i had to admit i was gambling again, it wasn't the fact of gambling or the money it was the lies and deception that i put her through. I feel so ashamed for what i have done and am at the point of self hatred, i was kicked out to my parent's house last night but this afternoon she has allowed me to come home so we can start to work things out. I owe her a lot of money but more than that i owe her everything, for giving me a second chance with her to make things right and recover from this i owe her my life. I hate what gambling has done to me i sought help before but i didn't fully commit and thought that just attending a few sessions would help, oh how wrong that has proven. I am now reaching out to anyone on here, even those who don't know me for advice, counselling all the help i can get, i don't want this life anymore and i don't want to be the compsive liar that gambling has made me. So guys what i am saying is any advice or stories of your own would be greatly appreciated and i want people to know that i need help. I have never reached out to strangers or joined forums before so this is all new and very scary but i love my fianceГ© and my family and I will go through hell and back to fix this. Thanks for reading guys hope to speak to some of you soon.
Hello Matty,
Well done for joining the forum and telling us about you. A lot more forum users will get to see your post if you start your own thread. To begin a thread of your own, go the forum section you want to post in, scroll to the bottom of the section and then click on 'New topic'. With a thread of your own you're likely to get more members reading your introduction.
Do feel welcome to call us on 0808 8020 133 to chat with an adviser if you like.
Take care,
Forum admin.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
