Hi all
Last gamble a week ago friday, to feel the urge again would be amazing sat all day thinking of what have lost, have gambled on and off for years lossing giving up then went to vegas for my 30th and started a very downward spiral.
Since that 18 months ago have gambled on and off hitting big on one website coming clean to my wife saying i wouldnt again then i lost control over time.
I know my marriage is on the rocks because of it all i have 2 kids who are my entire world. Work 60 hours a week to provide for them guess this was my way to enjoy but i cant get out of my mind the look my wife had when i admited what i had lost, 10k in one night thats where it got too.
Feel sick to think about it have felt the urge so bad today tried to recover old sites but i couldnt have banned from most just want to feel that rush again and feel so ashamed for wanting to do it. Have a meeting thursday with a counselor to help. Have had counselling before guess i also suffer with social anxiety and depression and have been low a lot. Only plus is the last 10 days or so i have not cracked completly which for me is a step forward with depression have still worked but feel my wife can never look at me the same.
so hi i guess
Hi tffp and welcome to the forum :)).
It just goes to show the hold gambling has on us when we can lose stupid amount's of money in one evening and then forget about it and the way we felt after and yet still get those urges to gamble again ? .
I was the same my friend , I'd pop down the Casino on a Sunday evening absolutly do my B.o llick's then take that walk of shame home with sometimes tears rolling down my cheeks vowing how I would never gamble again , yet come Monday all was forgiven and by lunchtime I was back in the bookies after convincing myself that my " Luck would return " and trying to win back what I'd lost the night before . This was alway's on repeat for me just like a cycle that I couldn't break free of until I came here a couple of years ago and for the first time admitted that Gambling had well and truly beat me and for once I wasn't going to chase my losses , so here I am 2yrs on with no bet since and in a much better place emotionally and financially and you can do the same my friend , you just have to really want to :))
I noticed you said you were banned from " Most sites " ? Well there are alway's new ones popping up so have you installed any sort of blocking software such as Netnanny or Gamblock ? then you shouldn't be troubled by any of them :))
You said your family are your world so if you want to hang on to what you hold dear you need to make sure that gambling isn't a part of your world anymore ? I really understand how scary the thought of not having that crutch of gambling to hold onto is to you just as it was for me but once you do let go you'll realise that you didn't need gambling in your life after all , it's just a question of letting go and closing the doors behind you .
As for your relationship well only time will tell but in my opinion if your foundations are strong then most things can be rebuilt :)).
I'll talk to you again soon but until then I wish you well my friend .
Best wishes
Alan
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