So I've recently been found out by my wife that I have a gambling problem. She understandably didn't take to it very well. We've had rows to full blown arguments over it, and all the while me never able to properly explain it. How can I explain to my wife why I do it, god knows, I can't understand it myself. My wife by the way is amazing, we have to beautiful little boys and we're a lovely family unit. Yet it seems that gambling is always a constant hold back in my life. I always have good intentions, but then lose money and chase after it. Sometimes I do really well and win, but greed and that feeling of watching your bet, almost nurturing it, then eventually losing my winnings. The guilt you feel afterwards is incredible, and the feeling of low self appreciation sometimes over whelming. But now I've finally started to make progress. I've implemented the tools on offer to prevent gambling online, my wife taking control of my pay via a joint account where she can see every penny spent. I focus my time now, in my kids and wife. We take walks, get the kids out on they're bikes, little things I'd miss I'd be glued to my phone. I'm also receiving counselling from a gambling practitioner and that really helps. But I'm finding my biggest help is more the way I spend my time. Keeping busy with the family, concentrate on the time I now have that I was wasting. It's literally only been one month of gambling free for me and I do get urges. But then I look at pictures of my family on my phone and it reminds my why I'm doing this. It helps lift my mood and concentration long enough for that urge to pass, then once it does I feel sense of positivity and goodness which by far beats the previous feelings I was having. It's still hard for my wife to understand, but her seeing me make progress is the best way I can answer her doubts. She still uses the fact I gambled and lied, but it's only because it's hurt her to. It's hard to rebuild that trust we had, but small steps we will get there. If anyone else is in this situation I'm more than happy to chat. It's a massive help talking to others that are going through it, or been through it. Anyway here's to the future and a more positive mindset 👍
Well done a great summary and it’s made me feel positive about our future I do believe that our risky money use is down to wanting to be more productive with our money it’s the same as high risk shares crypto and investment in trusts etc
 A certain striving personal trait never satisfied with the steady progress trying to run before we can walk and then looking back in hindsight hoping to learn by experience which is costlyÂ
Reading this has given me faith. I recently found out my husband had been hiding a gambling addiction for years. The fallout from this has been life changing for many reasons.
It is so hard to trust again. My husband allows me now to see his bank account and has put the ban on to stop online gambling. But I worry he is now going to the bookies.
A few times he has taken large sums of cash out of his account but can’t tell me what he did with it.
He did it recently then the same amount was put back into his bank. He swears to me he isn’t gambling but I am not so sure.
Can the trust ever be built again? He is definitely more present in the family than ge was in recent years. But these few incidents make me feel something isn’t right.Â
@wackadoo I know how you must be feeling. My wife wouldn't accept that from me. I need to show every penny. I can't have in-excusable amounts of money go unaccounted for. I need to prove to myself and her that I can do it. Yes your husband could always be going to a betting shop, but you can exclude yourself from them these days. Surely if he's that committed he can do that for you. It's extremely hard to explain, why we do it. It's like a need, a necessity, something that made me tick. It's not that you want to waste money, it's more that you want a quick and good return in a short timeframe. You feel like your doing it for good reasons, but don't register it that it's a problem and that your actually losing in the long term. Short term you feel tremendous guilt, like o*g I've lost our money that was to pay bills, or spent holiday money. But your mindset doesn't put you off, you just think if I had a little more cash I know I could win it back. It's a really bad circle that you just seem oblivious to. I think that support from family is the biggest part of recovery, but you need assurances back to know we are doing our bit. Have a nice chat with him over a coffee. Tell him that your with him in this, but you need peace of mind to, I'm sure he will understand.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
