I have been a long term lurker here for about a year. Everytime I had a bad few days of gambling I would come here to try and convince myself I was ready to quit, but at that point I knew I was just having myself on.
Although I have been gambling for years, my gambling seemed to notably spiral out of control between 1.5-2 years ago. Online sports betting was my problem, and I would spend every spare moment (and even times when I should have been focusing on other things) thinking about my next bet. It was so bad that I would even stay up until 3-4 betting on obscure markets.
I have been gamble free now for just just over 2 months, and feel like I have hit my rock bottom and finally had my lightbulb moment. The thought of gambling right now makes me physically sick, and I have self excluded from the majority of online bookmakers, so even if I wanted to gamble, I couldn’t. I avoid checking sports results too,so that I don’t second guess if I would have chosen winning selections.
My main issue is that I have managed to accumulate notable debts during this time. At my worst I would gamble without even really caring about the outcome. It was like I was on self destruct and I have no idea how I managed to reach this stage. My only hope is that because I have reached a stage where I am willing to acknowledge this problem whist im in my 20s, I will be able to fix it before it completely ruins my life.
My debts currently sit at around 17k. The worst part is that my spouse has no idea. I want to tell them more than you can imagine, but I am terrified they will leave me. Years of gambling brings deceit and attempts to cover up finances and I know they will be angry and betrayed that I didn’t confide in them earlier and seek their support. To me, the thought of admitting this problem to someone else makes me feel like a failure and as if I won’t be trusted again.
I know very well that this debt is my problem, and I have a plan in place to sort it out myself. My credit cards and loan should be cleared within 12 months, and then I will be able to replace my 5k of savings that have went towards payments recently.
I guess my main question really is one that isn’t easy to answer... when should I tell my partner? My thoughts were wait until December to show her my commitment to not gambling and the progress I have made to clear these unknown debts. However I worry that still springing an unknown debt onto her, and one that I have been keeping a secret for so long will cause her to distrust and think less of me, or worst, leave me.
Also another question, when you have free time and find yourself thinking about gambling, what sort of activities do you do? I know hobbies differ for everyone but it would be nice to hear some suggestions.
A big big thanks to anyone who can help me out.
Hello NeverAgain6789,
Well done for joining the forum and posting here.
Questions about whether, when and how to talk with your partner about your gambling problem and debt, are clearly on your mind. Many of our forum members share your anxiety about opening up to their partner, others have confided in their partner and sometimes allow their partner to supervise their finances as a way to support their recovery. One consideration could be, what would your partner like you to do?
Your other question is about how you might schedule your time with other interests. As you acknowledge, your own personal interests are relevant here, and you are welcome to call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133, if you'd like to talk it over with an adviser.
Take care,
Forum admin.
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