Not again!

Well Alex I had to hit rock bottom for me to start my recovery process. That was a month ago. I started on here on January 18 did well for a few days then went a bit mad and spent £5k at £200 a go (25 deposits!! - didnt look good on my statement). I was OD on one account of £7.5k and other account of £1.5k and I have a loan!! So i was At my worst. I had to do something and then by luck I found this site and haven't looked back. i have since blocked myself to high heaven and though i have been tempted i cant gamble anymore. Keep focused YOU CAN DO THIS

I only joined yesterday...c'mon chap, you CAN do this...don't let 'us' or yourself down, forget about what you've lost, it's gone, think of what you'll be saving by NOT doing it, don't ever think about what you could win...you NEVER will. I've had 3 & 4k wins, but you'll never truely be a winner in money terms! You'll feel more of a winner every day by not gambling...talk to us, to to anyone that understands how these demons feel like they're phsically talking to us, I feel them in our stomach, and almost hear them whispering in my ear, ''GO ON...JUST HAVE A GO'' then ''JUST ANOTHER SPIN'' cast them behind you!! Laugh at them!! You tell them, you're in control!!!!

Hi Alex,

As you are finding out chasing is the quickest way to the poor house. I know over 200k losses prove that. Get out before gambling destroys you and your relatives.

Put your finances in the hands of your girlfriend. It will show her that you are serious about quitting.

You've got to make sure that when you get the urges there is no possible way you can access funds to gamble.

One day at a time. When the gambling free days mount up things get easier. Urges do subside.

If you can go to a local GA meeting.

Read Phil's post about urges on 2015 Challenge.

Take Care Now

Well Alex I had to hit rock bottom for me to start my recovery process. That was a month ago. I started on here on January 18 did well for a few days then went a bit mad and spent £5k at £200 a go (25 deposits!! - didnt look good on my statement). I was OD on one account of £7.5k and other account of £1.5k and I have a loan!! So i was At my worst. I had to do something and then by luck I found this site and haven't looked back. i have since blocked myself to high heaven and though i have been tempted i cant gamble anymore. Keep focused YOU CAN DO THIS

Thank you so much for the kind words and advice. I was very close to trying to borrow money to gamble tonight but managed to check in here first. Having seen your messages I'm sitting here like some kind of blubbering wreck! Crying into my laptop but not gambling and instead have put blocking software on my phone as well as laptop. I know I will be looking at football scores tommorow night and the demon inside me will be wishing I had bet that £4k I was planning if the bets I was about to make win. But I need to stop thinking like this, stop being so obsessive and find a way to move on. I guess its 12 hours without gambling for me which by my recent standards is a minor miracle. Thank you again!

I could write a million things about gambling but have you ever stopped to think about some basics: Sure we all need money to live but how much? are you judging your life by how much money you have? I bet all your grilfriend really wants is you to be more honest, to build the trust back. You're doing the right things, get a blocker like Gamblock. How can you predict the football scores anyway, they're all over the place this season. Fill your time with other things, do the opposite of what you do now. You simply cannot keep getting in debt and think gambling will solve it, my gambling debt was settled with years of working paying it off, now i have savings. You say you've lost 40k in the past 5 years, how does 100k sound in 10 years, it's a progressive illness so 100k is a fair guess. How about if you said in 10 years you paid back all the money you owed and lived a life full of no worrying about money because you had enough to do what you wanted to do anyway but just didn't know it at the time. C'mon Alex, let old Ray Winstone stick his odds up his backside, i'm sure he's not crying into his laptop.

Strong words Orbits but so true. What is the point of us mentioning the amount of money we have lost its all gone and nothing can change that. You can only make the future better not the past. Alex the way you write showing your emotions is a good thing maybe it shows that you really care and are determined to give it a go. Yes it will be hard but life can be hard, but life is for living not for gambling. Keep going and when you have the urges always check here first to read stories. What i have been doing is taking more notice of the news and seeing the poverty in the world. This makes me see sense!!!

Thank you Orbits, Poblwc, reading your words has been such a reality check that it doesn't have to be like this ... so true. Feeling a lot more lucid and clear headed today and even slept last night! Time to look forward not back. This is day 1 of a fresh gamble free start 🙂

Brill glad to hear you talking like this. If you post on this forum i will try to read what you have to say and keep you strong. There has to be light at the end of the tunnel

Thanks Poblwc, one day down and feeling positive - small steps!

Alex, i didn't mean it to sound like i was giving you a good kicking, i know the pain very well from when we beat ourselves up and i don't want to make you feel worse. I just want you to focus on what's important because what i say to you i say to myself too. We should not have self pity, sure if we get upset that shows we have feelings and some fight left in us and we didn't mean to do what we did and we regret it but we didn't know any better, i've cried many times in a GA room. I also know that right now when you've lost money it's hard to draw the line in the sand, to write the money off because the thoughts of a big win to make things better are big on the mind. To get through the first fews days is hard, but when you get through them it's get's better, life just get's so much better because most things don't cost money. I gambled for 2 years solid and went to GA every week and said i'd gambled, then i slowly got better, my periods of abstinence got longer, i still had the odd slip and now i'm doing ok. You do what you think is right for you but should you ever want people to listen to you, we're all here waiting.

Alex12345, me and you are in the same boat, and I can't swim, so I don't wanna fall in the water, stay strong and in time the urges will get less, and the money you (and myself) will save, can make us feel better, long journey ahead,but I'm up for it, and so are you. All the best everyone

I too had a big win 2 years ago, and it did nothing but make things worse. I became even more obsessed because it actually happened, and if it happened once it could happen again right? WRONG, i just ended up blowing most of it, and still chase that dream of making it again. And no matter the jackpot size, it will NEVER be enough, your bets just become bigger and so does your debt. After I won I was betting 250€ per spin, really e***n crazy. I am on Day 5 since I last gambled, and I cannot tell you how much better I allready feel knowing that in a few months I wont have to worry about money.

Not at all Orbits, I needed to hear a few home truths and you are very right about self pity. I have drawn a line on what's been lost and realised without gambling it won't be long before I can be debt free and starting to save again. Shamrock - thank you and good luck, you're right we're all in this together. Brennzky - appreciate you're insight on the big win, definitely an emotion I have felt and that's why I can never go back. I've proven I can never draw the line and say enough is enough even when £20k up, instead I will just keep thinking £5k more, £10k more and lose it all plus much more besides. Sounds like you are doing great, keep it up! I'm only 2 days in but already feeling much better and learning to blank out the urges - at the moment literally standing up and walking away from anything I could bet with seems to work!