Not sure how it's come to this, but it has...

Welcome...great place to be for support and advice...I'm only 21 days gamble free...already feel so much better...yes the money has gone but Cant change that...so am learning to live with it...and hopefully learn from it ....and move on to a better me...one day at a time....good luck x

Thanks for the welcome/tips guys, much appreciated 🙂

it's going to be a tough ride but one I'm willing to take, & must take in many ways... I'll be using this site as & when I can - it'll be tough acting normal, keeping my loss quiet infront of loved ones. As from today I'll be stopping all gambling, except lottery/occasional scratchcard, which is only a few quid a week, always has been, will be! Great to read the stories on here - gives me real hope for the future 🙂

Is it spread betting that was costing you and do you propose to tell your family?

CW

Cynical wife wrote:

Is it spread betting that was costing you and do you propose to tell your family?

CW

Hi, yes it was a mix of spread betting/accumulators & single bets - even heavy betting on the virtual football. I'm not planning on telling anyone, let alone family, which makes it that much harder.

Wise words too Dean, cheers fella! Hope things are good for you, NM

Why not tell if not telling makes it harder?

There's a difference between quietly abstaining for a bit and doing everything it takes for real long term recovery.

CW

Day one for me today, the fobt's have rinsed me of my money and soul, going to get help through the gamecare.

I can't justify it to myself, let alone a loved one/friend - I feel ashamed of myself, woke up this morning feeling soulless... It is good to get things off your chest in one way or another though, hence posting on here!

Sorry to hear that, Jeffutd - good luck in your recover bud, stay strong!

Half-Life wrote:

Hi NorfolkMan

My husband is a recovering CG. I have never had an adequate explanation from him and have come to accept I never will. Having been bailed out once he went on to do it all over again leaving me to piece it all together while he went going missing for a few days. Not the best way to find out. Chances are your family know there's something wrong already. Telling them puts you in control of how they find out and means they can support you with the measures you need to get into place. Willpower alone just won't do it.

I'd also recommend reconsidering lottery tickets and scratchcards. Once someone has crossed the line into uncontrollable gambling it's not wise to keep the addiction alive even with what seem to be harmless bets.

Hi Half-Life, many thanks for the advice - I appreciate it!

I totally get what you're saying, I'm going to try & get through this alone - as I stand knowone else knows & that's the way I'd like it to stay... Going to take the 4K lose on the chin & make it a harsh life lesson! I've got no reason to be doing what I've done - in my homelife I'm very fortunate. I've deleted all apps, blocked emails, etc. Read & taken some very good tips on here. I feel good in the first steps I've taken, set free in a kinda way. Yesterday was v.hard thinking about my initial 'massive' lose - but it's only money, over time I'll make this up again. In a mad way this had really opened my eyes to this evil addiction, one of which I thought I'd never in a million years get sunk into! I'll be taking this one day at a time... As for the lottery - I've been playing this for years, £3 odd a week plus the very occasional scratchcard. I'm feeling now the bookies are just like the lottery - vertually inpossible to win! I won't change my lottery habits, if I find I am, then I'll rethink playing altogether! This for me was all about the sport betting, the winning buzz, which in the end cost me very, very dear...

Thanks again for your comments, I wish you & your partner all the very best, NM

I'd just like to add to this thread... I sent 'said betting company' a very polite lengthy tweet this morning - what I got in return was a very pointblank straight to the point reply, really was expecting a little better as a loyal customer for sometime! Oh well, proves to me even more these 'companies' are just out to take our money... #EvenMoreDeterminedNow

Hi, NM,

I second HL's advice to tell your family. It's not what you want to hear but honesty is the best policy for multiple reasons, starting with that we weren't told and when it came to light it was so much worse for us. I don't want to send you on a guilt trip but the betrayal is devastating, to realise that the relationship is based on a foundation of lies...Not telling and still not telling just compounds it all. The relationship is still based on a foundation of lies, it's just that one person knows and one doesn't.

The thing is, it will come out sooner or later...because the addiction is progressive. It does get worse and worse, the amounts get larger, the frequency increases, the recklessness increases...it's sly and it's the addiction itself telling you to go it alone...so that the door's open to go back to it. My husband's record at keeping quiet is almost impressive for all the wrong reasons, but his is not an example to copy.

If you're serious, it will take honesty going forward. No need to denounce you on Twitter but no money, no gamble, if the people who you would otherwise lend you know not to lend you, it helps. If you can get your family's support, be accountable to them, have them manage your money, it's a useful crutch. Not a solution by itself but it props you up when the urge urges you. And on the basis that no man is an island, it's not just your money that you've lost. In our case, my husband gambled all of his wages and I ended up paying for everything...unfair. And if you're at home with your parents, in a bid to save up and move out? You're not doing that.

Telling may jeopardise relationships? Not so, they're already in jeopardy by the gambling, and the behaviour that goes with it. Telling is just pointing out what's really going on.

Tell, but at the same time, do everything you can to show that you're serious, ie attend GA, put the barriers in place, demonstrate commitment to recovery, that's the best you can do.

Wish you well,

CW

NorfolkMan wrote:

I'd just like to add to this thread... I sent 'said betting company' a very polite lengthy tweet this morning - what I got in return was a very pointblank straight to the point reply, really was expecting a little better as a loyal customer for sometime! Oh well, proves to me even more these 'companies' are just out to take our money... #EvenMoreDeterminedNow

So true, like when you message them to say you want to close your account with them and they reply "I'm really sorry to hear that"

Cynical wife wrote:

Hi, NM,

I second HL's advice to tell your family. It's not what you want to hear but honesty is the best policy for multiple reasons, starting with that we weren't told and when it came to light it was so much worse for us. I don't want to send you on a guilt trip but the betrayal is devastating, to realise that the relationship is based on a foundation of lies...Not telling and still not telling just compounds it all. The relationship is still based on a foundation of lies, it's just that one person knows and one doesn't.

The thing is, it will come out sooner or later...because the addiction is progressive. It does get worse and worse, the amounts get larger, the frequency increases, the recklessness increases...it's sly and it's the addiction itself telling you to go it alone...so that the door's open to go back to it. My husband's record at keeping quiet is almost impressive for all the wrong reasons, but his is not an example to copy.

If you're serious, it will take honesty going forward. No need to denounce you on Twitter but no money, no gamble, if the people who you would otherwise lend you know not to lend you, it helps. If you can get your family's support, be accountable to them, have them manage your money, it's a useful crutch. Not a solution by itself but it props you up when the urge urges you. And on the basis that no man is an island, it's not just your money that you've lost. In our case, my husband gambled all of his wages and I ended up paying for everything...unfair. And if you're at home with your parents, in a bid to save up and move out? You're not doing that.

Telling may jeopardise relationships? Not so, they're already in jeopardy by the gambling, and the behaviour that goes with it. Telling is just pointing out what's really going on.

Tell, but at the same time, do everything you can to show that you're serious, ie attend GA, put the barriers in place, demonstrate commitment to recovery, that's the best you can do.

Wish you well,

CW

Hi CW, I really appreciate your comments & I'll certainly take them on board! I currently haven't told anyone else - doing well though, no sports betting for 4 days now (which was my mighty downfall), just my usual weekly amount on the lottery. Certainly not ruling out telling family/friends - just taking one day at a time...

My one main gripe is how it's come to me losing so much in such a short space of time, I'm normally so careful with my money. This was something that was a bit of fun to me, that's the scary thing! A few weeks ago when betting cautiously I felt gutted losing £10, let alone 4 'bloody' K!!! I feel rather stupid in a way, not to mention weak. I'm feeling like I've addressed this issue though, got some help on here & turning the corner before this problem could get worse - this smartphone generation has a lot to answer for, far too much temptation, far too easy to lose...

I read all the other posts on the forum regularly, some really encouraging stuff, well done all 🙂

Thanks again CW, I wish you & everyone else well, NM

Day 6 for me - so far, so good! Having/had crazy urges to try & win the (was mine) money back though - not sure where I'd even start with winning back £4,000 but hey, realising that has now 'gone' is one of the main goals in my recovery!

Taking each day at a time, hey...

Happy Tuesday & well wishes to all on the site, don't forget those pancakes 😉

Logged into a certain betting account for the first time in over a week to find a '£25 free bet' which had to be used by today - no brainier deciding to use it (still not classing this as an 'official' bet tho, 8 days & counting for me), was due to make an £18 profit, planning to withdraw the money & run, but low & behold it didn't come in, once again! Just a stark reminder how this addiction can give you the winning mentally in such a short space of time, only to be letdown sharpish... Finding it pretty hard going tbh, waking up in the middle of the night realising how much I've actually lost & all the amazing other things I could of done with the money 🙁

Onwards & upwards hey! All the best to those reading this thread 🙂