Hi. My partner has just admitted a massive gambling issue (more than I had imagined in my worst nightmares) with on-lline roulette games on the c****s website. I don't know all the exact details but I think he gambled away over £20,000 in one afternoon (he took out a loan to finance it) this kind of turnover was way above his 'usual' gambling history / profile with c****s. I think in the space of a week he might have lost £20,000 - £40,000 (he took another loan to cover the first one, obviolusly thinking that he'd win) He also had a history of self-excluding and then re-joining with them and other sites.
The fault is very much with my partner , but do they not have systems in place to help protect gamblers from themselves? If I had suspicious activity on my credit card my credit card company call me or text me to verify the transactions. Do places like c****s have systems in place to say this 'client' is betting outside of the norms and maybe a phone call to him might have bought him to his senses. I know they are in it to make money and they can't 'babysit' these people. But betting £20,000 in a couple of hours is not normal behaviour (for his profile) and if there isn't safeguards in place I think there should be.
Is there an organisation I can complain to?
Unfortunately gambling companies portray an image of promoting responsible gambling practices, but underneath they really don't give a shiny S***e about their customers. They hate paying out winners, but if you're losing a lot of money they will take your cash with open arms.
A couple of examples I can think of, which show the general scummy practices of online bookmakers, is one: people will be self excluded from a website but somehow hey are allowed to open up another account, then they lose say 10k. Next day they come back and win maybe 20k and they are so happy but then the company will pounce, as soon as they hit the withdrawal button, and say they can not withdrawal/funds are confiscated - including their winnings and they don't get any refund of deposits they've lost - because they agreed to these sanctions when they excluded in the first place. As far as the betting site is concerned they are not legally responsible and they don't have morals.
the other example is where they will just close accounts of people who have a few winners in a row, because they think "why bother paying out to these winners? There are plenty of losers, and compulsive gambling losing players at that, who will lose over and over again and these people are the ones we want - better still if they self exclude and open up another account because then it's win win for us! They lose we keep their deposits, they win We keep their deposits + winnings.
Hi
I do agree that stricter measures should be in place, and there are people out there campaigning for for this, the laws were relaxed several years ago and since there has been a marked increase in the amount of compulsive gamblers coming forward, I would imagine this increase is also higher than the printed figure as compulsive gamblers are unfortunately great at lying to themselves and everyone else, and I feel sorry for those people who feel trapped and I hope they too ask for help!
On the flip side, we have to take responsibility for our own actions, and for me self excluding from a few sites clearly wasn't enough, it actually made me worse, made me dig to realise just how many sites were out there and increased my problem. The only way to start my recovery was to block access completely and I think this is something your partner needs, you can install software on his phone that blocks gambling sites. This must be incredibly difficult for you, and I cannot express in words how amazing I think you are for being there and trying to help, ultimately it's down to your partner to do this, but for me personally without the support of my partner I would be on my road to recovery, and it will help your partner.
Im sorry if this sounds harsh...but you will both need to let go of the past and stop looking for someone to blame, it won't help your journey, millions of people are able to gamble sensibly (and that is the same line the gambling companies use) but for us that do not have that restraint and turn our and everyone's else's lives upside down the normal barriers are not enough.
I wish you and your partner luck, and this forum and the helpline really can and will help you x
Agreed Shanlea.
Its a national disgrace how unregulated it is! Although people are fighting for change, the government like the lovely tax lolly and its as simple as that really.
They ultimately dont care if a million new sites open up online or on every high street. Its a tax on addicts and the poor
Im with you in that these places shouldnt be there in the first place. Its not that you is looking for someone to blame. They are ultimately to blame because they create addicts in an unhealthy pastime.
What you can do is manage all the money from now on amd monitor all blocks on local and national loan companies. Deep breaths, a plan of action and a lot of counselling will bring you both through something that will test your relationship to the max. Self exclusions must be everywhere including anywhere money can be borrowed.
Its not a case of baby treatment. A compulsive gambler cant be trusted until they prove themselves. Even then it is something that will lurk within a gambler for a long time and can be triggered by stress and depression
Please use the forum, ring gamcare and use the friends /family links.
Counselling and GA meetings may be the next step
We all wish you nothing but the best
Thanks for all your comments.
My partner went to his first GA meeting last night so hopefully some positive steps are been made.
I am resisiting taking over his finances - he has got himself into alot of personal debt over this, of that there is no doubt, he has spent every last penny he has and borrowed to the max to fund 'chasing his losses'. However he has never touched our 'bills' account, which he manages The mortgage is always paid and all the other bills he takes care of. He has also not touched a penny of our savings. So I do believe he has some control and boundaries and I don't want to take independence away from him. As a half-way house we have agreed that I am going to be a named person on all of his bank accounts, so that he cannot borrow money without my signature too. It also means I have on-line visability of all the accounts.
I apprecaite all the comments on this forum and unfortuanetly there is no easy, one answer for all CG's. We each have to muddle our way through this as best we can for our situation. I hadn't realised how draining this was going to be : (
Hi, Shanlea,
My take is that the priority is to protect yourself and your proposals leave you wide open to exploitation. All situations are indeed different but the one thing that CGs have in common is money or credit being a temptation. The thought process is something along the lines of "just borrowing" the money with the intention of winning more back and replacing it before it's absence is known. However, a CG can't win because they can't stop, so it just doesn't work. Your entire bills and/or savings account could be emptied in a short blitz, there are plenty of stories about this on the forum. In our case, my husband had his blitz with our children's savings six years ago. The bank statements show the pattern, he spent the intervening time trying to win it back before it's absence was discovered. Sometimes he would put a bit back but then draw it out again in a fulile bid to chase the loss. Needless to say, the children were each left with pennies in their accounts.
You are potentially liable for any debts in your name, even if they're also in his. Bear that in mind before becoming a joint holder of his accounts.
I would recommend a serious rethink rather than risk finding out the hard way but it's your call.
Wish you well,
CW
I agree with others that running up debts to gamble is not someone who can be relied upon to exercise control when needed. Debts will eat in to your savings anyway unless the money is pouring in to cover everything
I dont know the conversations you have been having but strongly suggest you take control of any savings and the bills account.
This is not about hating your partner or running him down. Its simply that it would be best if he proved himself once again. Its not about treating him like a baby.
Its a healthy respect for an addiction which can ruin both of you....and it will given half a chance without the right help and counselling.
If you are going to be a named person on a joint account you will need further advice. You dont really want joint liability for any debts or future debts...you didnt run them up. I would tend to advise that you have seperate bank accounts and he transfers money over to your account where its nice and safe. As a recovering gambler he should want to do that if he is serious about it
I know its difficult. That was gambling does to people and relationships.
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