Hi everyone,
I've just been reading this forum and decided to join.
I'm 33... Gambled on n off for 10+ yrs... Always losing. Few times losing my cool in a bookies and on Tuesday I vomited outside a bookmakers after losing £400. It was embarrassing... Ppl I knew asking and knowing what had just happened. I was so rude to the woman in the bookies (not her fault)... They aren't supposed too... But she bought me a cup of tea during my FOBT madness and tried to convince me to leave.
I've done this many times... Every couple of months I blowout like this. Its turning me into such a horrible person lately. I blame everyone but myself. I have 3 little boys who's lives I will ruin... I'm sure of it. I love them so much.
I do have my wages paid into my partners account so rent and bills are often sorted (saving grace). I have put myself in awful positions before though. But she knows I get crappy if she doesn't give me what's leftover... And yes I always blow it. She now wants me to leave because of my mood swings and general loser lifestyle.
Here comes the 'you're s**m' moment.. That money I blew was for my sons 1st birthday in a couple of weeks.
I know most of you reading will understand me. I get caught up in the gambling rush and I just can't break away... I hate myself ... Feel depressed, suicidal at times. I work with homeless drug addicts and alcoholics. I'm no different from them... I'm fully possessed by my addiction.
I just want to meet and chat to people that understand this because ppl I speak to don't and are quite rude to me... But I know its completely deserved. I need to stop this... I'm around 48 hrs gamble free but get paid tomorrow. My gf wants me ti leave so will give me my entire wage in anger... £17/1800. I'm so scared.
Thanks for reading.
Dan.
I fully understand everything you have said, been there and done it all myself, apart from the kids. Have you been to see your GP to discuss your options? Maybe medication for the depression and anxiety or counselling but if you work with addicts wouldn't you advise them to go to their GP? Find out what the gambling gives you that your everyday life does not, sure it will give you lots of stress and headaches but it must be scratching another itch to make you go back for more. Is there a demon in your life too scary to confront for which you take the gambling option to hide from that demon for a while? Is it just the money worries that keep you in a state of gambling confusion? You have the right for a nice quiet life and it can be done there are people on here who can vouch for that.
Hi Dan
The best thing that will ever happen to you is facing this and acting on the advice you will get here.
Gambling is not for you and they should have convinced you to leave the bookies but are not forceful enough for obvious reasons.
Are you ready now because you will need to self exclude and be living on an allowance. I hope you can discuss this with your girlfriend and yes you should be handing every penny over to her. This is not about treating you like a baby. It about saving your life and Im serious about that.
A gambling addiction is very similar to a class A or alcohol addiction. I too realised that I was no different from the homeless people because I was walking home in a suicidal state to a flat I had no rent money for. I realised that I had a full blown addiction and it was only my parents who kept a roof over my head. If I had not had my parents I would have been homeless.
You have a full blown addiction dan and it will make you "crappy" as you put it. It doesnt mean you area bad person but you are not seeing life straight because the addiction clouds your mind. Youve seen what gambling does many times but you go back because of the addiction to escape or dopamine. Its no income scheme and its no get it back later scheme.
You Have been ignoring the odds and you cant stop which is doubly dangerous
You will learn all about the power of the addiction and you must never be complacent
Please give gamcare a ring and keep using the forum. Please dont post once and think you can handle it. Counselling and all the help around you will restore a healthy mind.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Thank you so much for your comments.
It really makes me feel stronger that people know what I'm feeling.
I was paid today... My gf has all of it. I don't want money on me, I can't be trusted at all.
This feels right. I'm ready to chat with all of you and fight this.
Thanks.
Dan
Great Dan and you will feel a feeling of serenity and relief wash over you.
Its a sign that you are really ready. I just felt a huge sense of relief and then the healing process will begin
Believe me you will heal and you will wonder why you ever gambled in the past.
I do so much with my days and I dont even think about gambling other than helping people on this forum
Best wishes
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