Hi all, I’m totally new here so I thought best to put into words the situation I’ve managed to get my self into.
I’m 30 years old and I’ve been gambling from the age of around 16. I received some help about 8 years ago after spending some of my partners wages on fruit machines and mounting debt. I had counselling which at the time was a big help and managed to help me stop. I went a full year without gambling a penny. But slowly, I started gambling again. The past 3/4 years however, my gambling has got well and truly out of control again.
I’ve got around £45k of debt, not totally sure yet, the majority of which is from gambling. My partner knows I have some debt but is unaware of the true extent.
This is not an excuse or blame on anyone but myself but I am in a very unhappy relationship of 11 years which I’ve pretty much trapped myself into due to gambling. I haven’t really considered it but when thinking about it I’m clearly depressed which has played a part in my gambling spiralling as in the past few months I have totally given up. I’m not suicidal but it is a regular thought that creeps in. I just haven’t cared and I’ve ranked up thousands with credit cards and loans as I had the mindset that I can just sell the house and clear most of it off.
Why am I here today? Why now? Well two days ago I hit a new low and gambled and lost money needed for my mortgage payment. It has finally hit me that I have a very serious problem and I need help. Even if I find a way out of this relationship, I still need help to kill off this awful addiction and compulsive behaviour. I knew I had an issue, just didn’t realise quite how bad.
The night before last, I was in a casino whilst working away (which I regularly attend) and witnessed a guy so angry he punched and spat on the machine he was playing and stormed out. It sounds strange but this snapped me back to reality. I became aware of what I was actually doing. It was madness. Why was I there? It wasn’t a nice place to be. I decided to self exclude on my way out. I got back to my hotel and deleted all traces of gambling from my phone. I had a habit of recording bonuses on my phone when playing online and so far this year I had 654 videos. I was shocked at just how many there were. All now deleted. YouTube app also deleted as all I ever used it for was watching big wins and casino streamers.
I’m going to SE from the places I frequent. And whilst I’m signed up to Gamstop it’s been one if the worst things I’ve done as it’s driven more to land based gambling. At least online there are limits and other tools to support you.
I have been gambling when I shouldn’t, taking unnecessary risks, lying to friends and family and wrecking my future. I’ve been on a journey of self destruction and it needs to stop.
I earn good money and my debt has been secretly manageable. As I’ve earned more I’ve gambled more so I haven’t seen any real improvement in my quality of life despite my career going very well. My debt is starting to become unmanageable but by stopping gambling I know I can turn it around.
I’m frankly embarrassed by it all. Gambling has dominated large parts of my life so far and I’m done with it.
Welcome mate, you are amongst so many similar stories, the absolute must is stop Gambling right now before it’s too late.Its a very very hard thing to do but there comes a time in all our miserable existence that enoughis enough, if you are at that point then read the many bits of advice on here, the money is gone so just forget it.....but give them no more as you will never ever win.
Make a plan , invent a new you, I’m 51 and trying to do it, feel free to read my diary , stick around get help from here and make that plan.No easy way of saying this but it’s a long old road but one you can win if you want it. Good luck
Hey mate...if you're here writing this it's because like you said something clicked and has snapped you back to reality and the misery that accompanies gambling..I think for most of gambling is an escape mechanism for dealing with something deeper such as depression. I can relate in so many ways, The almost automated gambling, the constant pressing of a button wasting away savings and hard earned money just to get some sort of buzz..It drowns out the unhappiness we have if even momentarily and it is so so hard to stop..I too would watch those streamers until a few weeks ago when I stopped gambling and yes it can become your own only outlet of enjoyment until you realize how it can warp your relationship and interaction with the outside world just like you said for family and friends.. I'm trying to recover myself and heal myself to a certain degree, I'm keeping myself busy with positive interactions..trying to rebuild relationships with friends and family again keeping myself busy, reading going to the gym watch a movie anything that helps me re program my brain into appreciating alternative sources of enjoyment and happiness... ultimately the best anyone can do is to try and be as happy as possible..stay away from the that which makes you unhappy..small steps which will gather momentum..I wish you the best of luck mate!
I second above but I was different, I did it through getting into debt and trying to get out of it mainly, often bored and wanting something to do I turn to gambling, the gambling caused the misery in my life , misery never sparked it off, the buzz of winning big thinking it was easy money was my downfall, different ways but ultimately the same losing feeling walking out skint.
Many times I’ve been £400-600 up on the day and instead of calling it a day and have fun with the winnings or pay off debt I’ve gone into one last bookies and lost the lot and more on top and then driving home cursing myself....why on earth do we do it, it’s totally nuts , nuts.
Thank you everyone, appreciate the support 🙂
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