Hi
I've been a member on here for a few years now but never had it in me to write a post since I guess it means i'm truely admitting I have an awful addiction. It started when I was 18, I had a big savings account that I could dab into and found myself on the roullete table basically doubling up anytime I wanted to buy something, creating the mentality i was getting these things I wanted for free. Of course i had it easy for a few months, literally winning non stop and buying everything I wanted, a new laptop, clothes etc...
Then it came crashing down. By 19 I had failed my A-levels, missing out on top 10 unis and also gambled away all the savings I possibly had. I had to take a year out to get my head together and retake exams. In this year I checked myself into gambling counselling and managed to keep of it and get the grades I needed for Uni.
1st year of uni and I was back on the tables, once again sacrificing my student loan and any other money I could touch. Thats when my parents found out about my gambling, accidently opening one of my bank statements at home. I was devestated and so were they. I barely scraped through the year and uni but managed to get off the gamble.
Fast forward to where I am now. 3rd and final year. I wouldn't say I had been cold turkey for the last 2 years but definitely kept it to a minimum. But then 2 days ago I had a huge relapse, losing everything i had worked to save. My head is a mess and my anxiety is worse then ever. The motivation to work is so low and my debt is crippling. I've spoken to my best friend about it (the first time other than to a counsellor I've fully opened up) and hes offered me amazing advice. Financially I know i should open up to my parents and girlfriend but after the last time they found out I really don't know how I can do it without tearing the relationships apart. I'm in an incredibly situation with rent due at the end of the month
Sorry for the erraticness and length of the post. I'm not sure its very coherent or makes much sense but it just feels good to get how I feel out in the open. I'm hoping by having physical evidence of writing this down I can make a commitment to stop gambling forever. Some can do it controllably but clearly I am not one of those people.
Any advice or words are much appreciated.
Hi Loststudent
Welcome and well done for posting on here as Ive said to many I found this one of the hardest things to do. I can't give much advice really as I'm only 56 days GF but from what I do know I would be letting your parents and girlfriend know and yes they probably will be very angry, annoyed and upset by what you tell them but in the long run it's better coming from you than them finding out other ways as happened to me ! If you have had councilling before you know it probably works if you put the effort in, so I would be ringing the gamcare helpline and getting some councilling to start and if you do let your parents and girlfriend know or even your best friend, let one of them control your finances if it makes it easier ! You are young enough now to make amends in the long run the damage you have done now that's if you want to ? Hope you can get sorted and I will watch out for future posts.
"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"
All the Best
Darren
Hi Lost Student
you got to listen now , its gets worse much worse , i was like where you are i went to uny about 12 years ago and there where it all started for me casino,s to the early hours in the morning , missing lectures , the worrying thing is i never learnt from that low you are feeling walking back from the casio at 4-5am seeing ppl going to work when the realization of what you done sinks in with the rising sun as another day approches as fast forward to now 2017 and i still had that feeling this sat morning after blowing most my salary and beggin for more time to pay bills now jeopadizing a lovely family unit and a beautfiul daughter and one on the way , leaving the bookies crying and the restlessness and anguish i really feel should be illegal as when we chasing its mind control we lose it and Mr Gamble and the bookies/casinos pray on it to maximize profit , maxmizing profits while creating so many innocent victims , you can argue no one puts a gun to our head and says gamble or else but the inability to stop can lead to terrible consequences , im going through it now
im starting now with councelling , back to GA take it week by week focus on something new , does not have to involve spending , start reading , joggin , gym healthly hobbies and week by week it will get better , pay day is a huge problem for me at moment so ill be restricting cash access , and blocking from all bookies i use
I know somewhat how you feel. I'm in my final year of Uni at the moment and the pressure of the debt plus dealing with the addiction on top of all the work is incredibly hard. Especially seeing my peers enjoy themselves with money whereas I'm never able to enjoy myself because it's always a reminder of how much of debt I've got myself into.
I couldn't pay my rent at the start of this year, luckily I managed to get an extension and was able to pay it but this month has been really tough. I was unable to pay ANY of my creditors and had god knows how many bills flying out. So one night I grabbed a drink (probably not the best idea) and sat down and spoke to StepChange (a debt charity) & literally went through each one of my creditors one at a time and emailed them explaining the situation. Incredibly enough I was able to set up payment plans via email (I was too embarrassed at the time to ring up) reducing my monthly payments to £250 from £600. I only had to ring up 2 companies to confirm this. Then I decided that I'd forward plan so I worked out a full budget and got the exact figure for every direct debit going out my account for the month. I then subtracted that from my pay from work so all the extra money I get will be going into an account via standing order the day after my pay is due in so I cannot touch it. I then plan to leave some left over in my account for food - it's really not enough to gamble with.
I don't know if this will help you but that's way I've managed to get my head round the financial side of it. I know I'm broke but I have protections in place so I cannot gamble in future. I am now focusing on dealing with the gambling side of it all and working out how to stop urges getting control of me and focusing on each day at a time. The amount of stress this has relieved is indescribable.
I'm not sure if you have a regular income coming in but if you can find a way to feel in control of your finances, it's one less stress. And it can help you feel a lot more comfortable to focus on Uni work and starting to get over this mess.
Also, exercise is great at keeping on top of stress.
Hi adam how are you ? good advice im just not capable of dealing with large amounts of money , i just want to gamble it and waste it and not care bt we all do care thats why we here we knows its a evil little game that robs us time and time again
FEB 2017 - is the time i give up , enough enough
Thanks for all your words. Really helping me in a dark time.
Woke up this morning and felt strangely optomistic about it all. Maybe it was because I had made my addiction public now (to my best mate) that I felt the embaressment of whats happened taking over the urges.
Spraggy2014 keep your head up pal. Read the stories on here every time you feel an urge and it will remind you of that horrible losing feeling that will hopefully help you stop. Nobody beats the bookies, and those that say they can/do are lying or going to lose in the long run. Lets get out the game whilst we can.
Also cheers for your words Adam, I feel as though our situations are relatable. The only thing is, with my degree (engineering), the workload is incredibly high so I have no source of income as a job is almost certainly out the question. I guess I could argue this is what has fueled my addiction at uni. Having no money so desperate trying to win in a losers game. Sounds crazy when put like that, who would ever want to gamble! I will look into StepChange and see if they can help me get some plans together. I just pray that it doesn't ruin my degree and I can escape unscathed.
Thanks again and any more advice from anyone is much appreciated.
Morning mate
yep time to move away , im brinking on a cliff , home , family , sanity all put under great risk in last week or so and i really don,t know why , im must be deep down unhappy or extremly anxious in myself i know i have a 2nd child due in march and mr gamble thought ur be ok go win some , u k**b !!
i remember being at uny like you are , and dropping out , you can do better tham me pal , the world of good employment will test you more as i got decent 30k+ job in oil industry and bonuses but lot of cash leads to higher uncontrobble urges if ur active
you can get asda/tesco vouchers buy them so u know your have food and drink and restict all cash access , i m sure ur mate will help , we all have choices , many ppl on here still posting after making a year and its down to strength of character and pure determination to stop ruining ourselves
im up for the long haul fight r u ?
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