Hi there - not posted in a while, thought I had got rid of this evil addiction -after 6 months...but no...it’s back and I’ve lost the best part of 35k in a couple of days.
I had lost around 15k over the last 3 years and decided that enough was enough. Didn’t gamble online for months until one day when looked at my account and saw 5k of cash that i was looking to put in an ISA. Instead I thought I could “invest” on some online blackjack, treble up and my losses would all be wiped out. As it happened we over the few weeks I managed to get my losses down to 3k....but no that wasn’t enough...I promised myself that once that 3k was wiped out I would stop for good. I then ended up spending 35k chasing that 3k...what an idiot. Had to cash in shares and apply for an overdraft....what an idiot. Feel like S***e and cannot look at my partner - I had promised her I had quit and can’t tell her about this latest for foolish act. Now going to struggle financially for the next year as I try pay back the overdraft.
I’m scared now - i have a good job and a day after my big loss, in am already thinking that I would save 20k Over the next year and deposit it all online and just go high stakes to win back my loss....basically classic chasing losses. I scared cos I’ve lost all this money but I don’t think I’ve reached rock bottom yet for me to stop. I know it’s stupid but I think I can win this back...but know full well I need to let it go. I can’t sleep or eat thinking about my options. I know what the right answer is but cannot accept the loss and no chance of winning it back.
I feel your pain I'm fair younger i lost 1,500 last night I know that's nothing for you but for me it's everything I own. However unlike you I will struggle massively to pay that back! I'm one day in and just keep telling myself imagine what you could spend that money on. It would be amazing if I could win it back but imagine if you loose another 20,000 think how you would feel then. If you need a chat happy to try and help good luck!
Hi rupidoda,
I'm really sorry to hear you've had a relapse; I know from personal experience how devastating they can be.
It's good that you rightly realise you have to stop but can also see you're tantalised with trying to win it back, i.e. chasing your losses. As a 'seasoned' blackjack player, you have a good mathemetical *** so how about looking at it this way:
1. Every online blackjack game is random and the pack 'shuffled' before every hand. Therefore, there is no 'card counting' or other edge to be gained.
2. Using best play strategy, the best payback is 98%. But that's just for one hand. The more hands you play, the theoretical return reduces - 98% of £98 is £97. 98% of £97 is £96. In other words, the more you play, the more you are much more likely to lose, and it wasn't even 50/50 in the first place!
3. In other words, there is no point chasing your losses, no matter no good a player you (think) you are, because you're 'odds against' from the start. So why compound your misery, when you could be 'drawing a line in the sand' and doing something positive about it?
4. And let's say you did win. Then you'll get the 'gambling bug' back 'good and proper' and eventually lose it anyway. Because that's what problem gamblers like us do. If we win, we carry on until we lose, then lose some more. (Sadly), that's our trademark.
5. So the bottom line is we have to stop!
I hope this helps.
Why can't you tell your partner? Honesty with her and making yourself accountable will make it very much harder for you to gamble in secret and it sounds very much as though that's what you're planning to do.
If you really want to stop rather than stop losing you need to make changes even if they're painful. Failing to make them means continuing the cycle.
Thanks all for the comments. Matt I completly agree - if I lost more than I would feel even worse, but at the moment I feel like crying so the only thing i can think of to make be feel better is to have that money back again - stupid I know.
Mixer, I know that the odds are against you, and in the long run you will always loose, but the trouble with me is that I’m always the optimist. I need to snap out of this, and try forget about the loss. Spread it over the years and doesn’t sound as bad.
Lethe - my wife went nuts when I first told her but we agreed to put it behind us. I normally so tight and it didn’t make sense that I was betting 1k a hand- madness when i am writing this. If she knew that I essentially blew £35k of future savings in a couple of night she would leave me for sure I think. I feel alone at the moment, but deserve it for being so selfish.
I watch this video daily, an inspirational story which reminds me how distructive this addiction is, It makes me feel sick even thinking about a bet now.
Thanks Steph -
Was up all night and have self excluded myself from all my online accounts - something I should have done 6months ago.
Now I’ve made the decision not to chase it does depress me that I’ll never see the money I’ve lost again..but I know that in the long run that is the right option. Once this sickening feel goes from my stomach and Incan start thinking straight I’m hoping I’ll be able to look forward and see this is a very expensive life lesson.
Hi Rupidola
None of us have a time machine so you can't get that money back, it has gone and is never coming back. You can only change the future which can be to stop gambling and deal with your current losses which whilst they are significant, do not sound unmanageable for you or you can continue gambling and lose more. When will the losses be enough? Can you manage another £50,000 loss? Or £100,000? When do you lose your house over this?
Telling your wife is the right decision in my opinion because this is going to be so much harder on your own because once the pain of this loss lessens in a few weeks or months and you still access to cash then the opportunity and thoughts are going to be there. Gambling loves secrecy because we can convince ourselves of anything when we let those thoughts go round and round in our own heads. Not suggesting it is easy, telling my wife was one of the worst experiences of my life but it did become day one of my stopping gambling. Only you can make that decision.
Good luck, don't forget we are here and keep posting.
Muststop123
Thanks Muststop - everything you say is true and you are right, I had 6 months of no gambling from when I told my wife - the pain lessoned but to be honest we haven’t talked about it since that conversation. I had a handed over all my cards and cash to her as I was mainly gambling in casinos. Over the last couple of months I started online which is much much worse - you have access to all the cash in you banks, ie no ATM limit to stop you....and that is something that we didn’t foresee me doing. If I now tell her that having my cards etc didn’t matter as I’ve been gambling online then that will break her. You are totally right thought but I don’t think I am brave enough to tell her a second time. I guess it’s no different to anyone else on this sites and if others can pluck up the courage so should I. I had a day 1 of stopping gambling and thought telling my wife was that day but having this relapse has made me think if that helped? I physically haven’t got any savings now, and have closed my access to casino sites. Now that I’ve had to actually go into our savings I think this is the shock i needed. as you say, I can manage this loss albeit losing savings , and I’ll be out of my overdraft in a few months - but no way can I afford anymore. When I started gambling 3 years ago , a £100 win was amazing. Now I can’t be happy if I don’t win anything less that 5k. Crazy right- can’t belive how this can escalate. The only way to make that type of money is to risk that type of money - and to be honest the risk is now just too high. Any more losses and I would need to get loans etc. Once I’ve got over this sick feeling and have worked out financially how I am going to cope I will tell my wife. When I tell her I don’t want to also burden her with financial stress- so if I can sort that part out then we can focus on the underlying issue of why I’ve done this and why I relapsed after telling her the first time.
Hi. Really sorry to hear your story. You aren't alone ... I lost £48k in an hour a few weeks ago ... at one point I got to within £45 of making a profit, so put a £50 hand on thinking I could leave with a win! Kept doubling up, so my last losing hand was £12,800 ... lost eleven hands in a row, which you will know is basically impossible because you should either get a good hand, or the dealer bust eventually. Have a look at my diary if you're bored ... basically I massively regret the loss, but almost a good thing is that I needed a "rock bottom" to try and stop. We're both lucky in some ways ... not in a mountain of debt, the ability to earn good money. The thing to remember is that the chances of winning/losing are always the same ... the sites don't now consider they owe us one, as we've just lost a load ... if I had more cash available that night, I'd have kept going ... £25,600, £51,200, £102,400, £204,800 ... it genuinely could have taken my house off me in another 5 minutes, and it would have done ... I'm now getting to the point of feeling grateful that didn't happen, but if I try and win it back, it will do. I know you feel shocking, but try not to beat yourself up as its an illness ... just put the blocks in place to make sure that 12 months down the line when you get the temptation to try and win it back, you can't. I'm not sure self-exclusion and blocking software really helps 100% ... there is always another device you can use, and always another site you can find ... my approach is to make sure I can't access those kinds of sums of money again. Thinking of you, and hang in there. Rich
You'll be able to come up with all sorts of excuses not to tell her until 'the time is right' but having been on the receiving end of the results of that thought process I can virtually guarantee you she would rather know now while the losses are still limited to savings. Not telling her takes away her informed choices. She will find out. Telling her now whatever the eventual outcome puts you in control of how that happens and means you can access support like counselling and GA without having to think up more stories as to why.
Hi your wife needs to know that having your cards does not stop you. Your wife deserves a choice. Telling her may actually help! She needs to be know that compulsive gambling has no fix, no cure. Part of recovery is honesty. Secrets and lies feed addiction. It's also a door left open for you to return. Who knows what will happen if you tell her. Respect her, stop deceiving her.
goung to Hope all is well. Im also having massive urges tonight i know in know compared to other people I have lost nothing. But right now I'm trying to get my head round how I can just get half of that money back and make me happy again. Allow me to do things i know now will not be possible for months. At the moment Iv got these thoughts going through my head numerous times an hour
Hi Matt, I’ve posted on your post - don’t do it. You will never win anything as you won’t stop. Keep posting if it help you get off the urge tonight.
Hi, just wanted to post something as been feeling really S***e the last couple of days. Can’t sleep and get out my head how selfish I have been by blowing savings that we had plans for. Feeling sick to the stomach - just want this feeling to go so can concentrate on my family and work - can’t afford to lose my job cos I’m distracted with these thoughts. I’ve not got any urges to gamble, but just want some of the money back I have lost whether that be working or finding it done the back of the sofa. I know I’m to blame and have feeling hugely guilty, but I just want to move on and forget about the last 3 years.
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