Relapsed big time

Hi. I feel the same about my losses, although the guilt is starting to fade ... we can’t build a time machine, so we have two options:

1. Try and forgive ourselves and forget about it, and get the money back by working hard, saving and being a bit tight for a while!

2. Try and win it back. Ok a very small chance that might work, but would we stop then when on a winning streak? We wouldn’t, so we will either lose more quickly, or lose more slowly, but either way it won’t end well.

Ok, so you’ve been selfish in the past ... just don’t do it again and accept you were an addict not in your right mind. Please don’t get tempted though to try and get it back. Rich

Stay strong mate. One thing Iv tried is getting a Calandar every day I tick off i know I'm a day closer. Set some targets and aim for the future. It might months or years one day you'll be where you want just remember money doesn't buy everything in life. Good luck!

Thanks Rich / Matt

Told the wife this morning - obviously she is upset and confused I why I would do this after promisIng 6 months ago I had stopped. All a bit raw at the moment and have not really spoken today. Trying to keep a happy house in front of the kids but it’s hard.

The plans we had for that money are now gone - holiday, doing some house renovations etc. Now we need to talk about how we are going to pay the mortgage next month and whether to go into the kids savings ......going to be a tough few months. I know others are in a worse situation than me financially- so I feel like a bit of a fraud being on here but I think the feeling of letting your family down is the same.

Matt, been thinking of a diary but to be honest I could go months without gambling - the problem is when I do I blow everything.

Rich - option 1 is the way to go. Just really frustrated, and annoyed I could be in this position - I should be happy and shouldn’t have any money worries. I guess have to fast forward to next year and think I will be there if I don’t gamble again.

Well done one speaking out that's the hardest part hence why I come to here. Like you said it all goes so quick try and think of a trigger next time you are doing it somewhere you can go even if you were to spin ones stop your self doing anothe and then being up paying back money for another year!

I had a football bet today but for me that's fun I can control it. £5 on a few teams no urges to win it back or to head for that roulette table. 🙂

Well done for speaking up. Some never get to that point. My advice now would be to give her ironclad control of your own and the household finances and take any angry outbursts on the chin. Show her you mean what you say. Actions speak louder than words at this point. Speaking for myself I knew I would never understand or care about why Mr L had done it. He had and the reasons were for him to explore in counselling and GA. All I wanted to know was that it was over and that he would willingly comply with every single thing I needed for reassurance.

Thanks Lethe,

To be honest my wife’s view is like yours - she doesn’t really want to know the detail but just wants me to go counselling to sort myself out - I must say that i do find that slightly harsh , I almost so want her to ask me questions etc so I can try explain and maybe get to the bottom of my issues. But I guess I need to respect her approach and not burden her with trying to solve my head and go via GA.

Im going to give the helpline a call tomorrow, just not sure if counselling is needed as I don’t have urges to gamble , it’s just when i do I can’t stop for that session unless i win a good amount or lose everything. It’s def not for fun anymore. I’ll see what helpline says.

Hi if you go to counselling you can get to the bottom of your issues there. They will help find ways to talk things through. Counselling is about triggers and feelings, finding coping skills. Your gambling urges will be there, maybe not today.

Hi all,

Saw this on YouTube - found it quiet insightful and helped with understanding that it’s not your fault for being addicted but the only way to control it is to stop completely.

https://youtu.be/nkYWq4JuyJU

stephh wrote:

I watch this video daily, an inspirational story which reminds me how distructive this addiction is, It makes me feel sick even thinking about a bet now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AN3VLLlkdI

Definately worth the watch. Its actually hard to listen to because a lot of it makes sense and also hits home with how destructive it can be and to how it makes you feel.

I wouldnt say ive hit rock bottom but I dont want to, I know I have a problem that needs dealing with as im sure most of us do.

Thanks for sharing the video.

Hi, not posted in while. Have not gambler since my big relapse on the 24/01 - mainly due to me confessing to my wife again and handing over all my finances. I’ve contacted GamCare for counselling but it may take a number of weeks for me to start sessions due to the where I live.

I do feel a lot better not having to stress about winning and losing but I must admit I am starting to have thoughts of the money I’ve lost and whether I can win this back - obviously I know this isn’t the answer and take one day at a time and Focus on other things. Do these thoughts ever go away. I’m just worried that one day I’ll give in and relapse again.

Hi, good morning. That worry of relapsing and wanting to try to win some money back is very common and very real. I always want to start fresh and win at least some money back but the other side is that I always have gone deeper into the addiction with this outlook. There is this cycle of stopping and starting. It's the stopping that brings success. You are successful! Just keep being aware of your thoughts. Keep up that guard. I let mine down yesterday, which is sad but I'm not giving up. Stay strong. tara2

Thanks Tara, you make a lot of sense. Don’t give up - how comes you were able to gamble? Did you have the right blocks in place to give you some time to think about it. I find it helps a lot that I don’t have access to instant money.

You are absolutely right rupidoda. thx.

Happy new year all.

Wishing you all the best or a gamble free year.