scared

Here here ! same boat as you love and totally get what you are saying....you have done so well to get these things in place...I know we have done wrong...hurt people ..told lies etc...but we need support to enable us to recover...and to 're build our inner strength....ok ..so I'm only day23...but it's me doing my best ...the right way for me...and my recovery....what strong merc...have a good day with your daughter....and I hope hubby reacts in a calm way...xxx

Like you I was gamble free for 4 months and relapsed. During the 4 months I felt my body and mind getting stronger and wham after 1 night binge gambling came out of it fragile and vulnerable. So i can understand after your relapse how strong your determination to beat this problem will be but also how fragile you will be feeling too. Keep on the site as the support is amazing. Life can turn around with determination...which I can see you have lots of. Really hope that your OH understands. x

Hi Clare and others

Clare, thank you for joining the forum, and for sticking with the forum although you weren't happy with some of the responses to your initial posts. It's part of the value of the forum that there are a range of views and voices on this forum. Because of this debate can sometimes get a little heated. If you have a look at people's previous posts you may get an idea of where their individual perspectives are coming from.

Having said that, all forum members need to remember the forum etiquette which requires you all to respect each other's views. This is particularly important in the intros section where new members may be making a decision about whether this forum is for them. Those of you who do such a good job of welcoming new people to the forum, please think about how what you say might be perceived by people who are at a vulnerable stage in their recovery.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Thankyou detrimental, loxxie and Mary well done on day 23 loxxie. Well when I got home from work my Oh was waiting for me and we have just had a really long chat. He's furious and I don't blame him one bit but he's sticking by me and he hads just installed k9 blocker on lap top and restrictions on the Internet. And we are going to sit down later and go through all the bills what need paying each month so I don't have to have anything to do with the money. He really made me cry though he said regardless of what you think I absolutely love you to bits. I feel like a weight has been lifted now it's all out in the open and more determined than ever to kick this evil soul destroying addiction.

Oh wow merc....I'm so pleased for you love...your so lucky to have such an understanding hubby.
...now you can concentrate on your recovery....you can do it .....I can't tell my hubby because he is a very volatile chap..
And would give me know support at all...just use it as another tool to control me ...complicated...but my counselling will get me to the strong person I want to be...have a good weekend xx

Thanks administration like I said it's took alot to come on here and am really glad I did as most of posts have been really positive especially how low and vulnerable I feel at the moment but thankyou you all for the support and kind words I feel bad enough as it is without someone else kicking me when I'm down but that's done with now. Time to try and stay positive and the only thing to kick is my addiction.

Thanks loxxie and sorry to hear you can't tell your husband and I hope your counseling goes really well xxx

Wow , there you go Clare , great response from the OH and love and sense shines through , great news and well done ! Look on this forum emotions sometimes run high and with all the fragile people about there's really no wonder , we have us as Compulsive gamblers and those on the other side of the fence in the family and friends section who are the ones on the receiving end of what we do , be assured it's all well intended but doesn't always read that way , we always struggle to express sentiment via text ? . I even recently behaved like a total ar.se in a recent post but it wasn't intended that way , we all make up and carry on with the cause , no judgements just advice , just take what you need when you need and dump the rest back into cyber space ! Glad things have reached a turning point for you ,so now all you have to do is start enjoying your new gamble free life , welcome and keep posting ! Respect , love and best wishes ! Alan

Thanks Alan and yes I feel alot better now it's all out in the open don't get me wrong I still feel overwhelming guilt and shame but am just happy my Oh is supporting me along with my daughter. I will keep coming on here as well as attend my Ga meetings for support.

The Guilt and shame is all part of learning to forgive yourself , we're all human and we all make mistakes , it's early days just yet but give it s while and the fog will lift and it will get better , Take care Clare !

Hi Clare, well done on your progress in such a short time! No-one can underestimate the feeling of relief when our partners stand by us, support us and tell us how much we are loved. I'm delighted that you are taking control with your family at your side.

We have a few similarities: I've been gambling online slots for 7 years with a few half-hearted attempts at quitting, I am also a nurse and my other half is a darling too - go us! I have a shed load of debt to deal with due to this destructive compulsion but I will get there.

So, onwards and upwards. Take as much support as you can; that's what helping me through. And I wish you all the best in your recovery my love. Take care xx

Thankyou annie for replying. Im wondering whether to start a diary today as am home alone as oh is working and this would be a time I would be in my element and online. The thoughts are there In my head like a little monster saying just a tenner won't hurt but luckily have the blocks in place on the Internet. Have slept well overnight but feel drained this morning but day 3 and just for today I will not gamble.

Hey merc...i got those niggles in the first week....push them away...do it for you...do it for the lovely man that has stood besude you.....make a cake...curl up on the sofa with a crappy film...anything....just not those dam slots.....you can do it....xxx

hi loxxie and thanks for replying. have been watching tv most of the day and going to do some baking later. i just feel its hard to describe, unsettled agitated and like im on the verge of having a panic attack but i wont gamble as there is no way i ever want to see the look in my oh eyes like i did yesterday. i am so lucky to have him and yes he was angry, extremely angry but he never shouted we just talked alot and i tried to explain how i was feeling about everything. he asked me when i do it do i not think about him so tried to explain that when i was gambling i honestly never thought about anything i was like a zombie and its only afterwards you think o*g what have i done. i also explained to him that when i stopped last time and attended GA i wanted to tell him when i was becoming weak and felt like gambling again but i couldnt talk to him about my feelings as i thought it would upset him and remind him what i has done so this time hes told me if i get the urge to gamble i have to tell him so we can talk about it which is a big relief. i am so focused this time and dont want this addiction to be part of our lives anymore but am just taking it one day at a time.

Hi there, hope the day is getting better for you. It's hard quitting an addiction, bl00dy hard. One f*g won't make much of a difference, and we end up smoking a whole pack; a bit chocolate won't make much difference and then we've scoffed the lot before we get home in the car and go back for more (me!). Whatever the vice it will do its best to hook you back. So, we have to remain strong; come on here, write it down and let off steam. Speak to your partner when you feel the urge - the addiction we talk about and the hold it has over us is completely alien to many people - help him understand, he will thank you for it, for trusting him and for allowing him to see how vulnerable you can be.

My counsellor said something that really made me think: you had a relationship with these gambling companies, you went to them for a bit of fun then when you were down, you went to get something back, you gave them your precious time and precious money.......what did they give you back? Nothing. Is that the kind of relationship you would settle for in the real world?

Take care, you are doing a grand job xx