scared

hi annie and what a good analaysis of the companies. My oh said to me yesterday are you on rupert murdochs christmas list the amount of money you have given him. and its true you wouldnt settle in any other part of your life with a relationship that you gave all and you got nothing back. im being totally and utterrly honest about everything with my partner from now on. last night i was sat on my phone and he looked at me but showed him i was on the chat on here. we have sat down and i have shown him what bills need paying and when as he has never done this i have always sorted the finances out and there is my problem as thats how i gotten away with it for so long but from now on he has total access to all money coming in which i am glad about. have just had a chat on the phone with my daughter and told her how agitated i was feeling and she said mum at the end of the day its withdrawel symptoms your an addict, doesnt matter what your addiction is. she is such a wonderful level headed 21 yr old. have also rang oh twice today which i dont normally do when he is at work because my head is normally stuck on some online slot site. am feeling slightly better than this morning and have just made homemade meat pie and a homemade chocolate chip cake. one thing i have noticed different today is i am looking forward to oh coming home from work where as normally didnt want him to as that would take me away from my addiction. have also been readin my bible my ga programme what i got last time i attended so just for today i will not gamble.

Hi Merc its sounds like you have everything in place an have some great family supporting you with your recovery. - as the mum of a cg I wIll never fully understand the Addiction but I can empathise on the effects it has on you all. I know it's taken a lot for you to come on this site, please stay it is a great help for both the cg and families. I can see how some comments can seem unjust but we all have our own stories and circumstances and the effects gambling has had on us all. You will have some tough days ahead but you sound very determined and that is exactly what family like to see. My 25 year old son his his gambling from us for nearly 3 years when we found out in November and I read his bank statements and credit file I was gutted, had all kinds of emotions. We are moving on now, he is doing lots better. I have had some good advice from people on here and some advice that I really didn't agree with, I struggled with the advice on letting my son get to rock bottom before he could admit having a problem, I wasn't prepared to let that happen, why would I want or let him feel any worse than he did? This is your addiction, you act as you se best for yourself and your family. Nice talking to you on chat tonight, take care. Wcid x

hi wcid and was lovely talking to you in chat last night. i understand about some people saying things you dont agree with i think my issue was the comment about making exscuses just really got to me as like i said i wouldnt come on here or risk a 7 year relationship by telling my oh everything if i wasnt serious about stopping. everything is in place financial wise and have my first ga meeting a week tomorrow as well as support on this forum.my oh is at work today but we had a chat again this morning and i he has said the same again if im feeling low or get the urge to gamble talk to him about it. i am not as agitated this morning as i was yesterday and i am going to start a diary today i think as thinking about why i started in the first place brings back some bad memories but that was my trigger point 13 years ago. am just so lucky that i have such a wonderful partner and daughter supporting me. take care wcid and just for today i will not gamble. 4 days gamble free 🙂

Hello, Clare,

I've only just seen what consternation my last post caused! Crikey!

To endorse what has been said previously, no offence was intended but clearly a nerve was touched. To the extent that tough love was too tough to a new member, I apologise.

re cooperating with credit reports, getting credit reports is vital for the protection of the f&f. Compulsive gambling involves lying, by commission and by omission and in my case it went on for well over one decade, possibly two. Debt is frequently understated and after years of listening to lies, how are we supposed to recognise the truth? It would be very unwise for the f&f to believe what they are told by their CG and therefore f&f should only rely on objective evidence, including credit reports. That is basic advice to him. For you, non cooperation would be seen as something to hide, you've told him which is a huge positive but he can't trust you financially and you shouldn't expect him to. In our case, my husband said that there was nothing else - we already knew that he'd cleared out the kids' savings - and in fact there wasn't. But I would have been foolish not to check.

re GA, it's good that you know of a woman's group that you're comfortable with. But for the program to work, you do have to work the program and a week on Monday is a very long gap at the outset. Your recovery is indeed your business, but in our case, my husband also initially persuaded me that next week would do, before going off to work. My son had only just finished his "A"-levels and he and I spent that day installing blocking software, closing down the accounts, reading bank statements. When we saw the extent of it, the eye-watering, actually, life changing sums gone, my son flatly told me to text his father and tell him to go to GA the same evening. I did, he did, he liked the group and has stuck with the same meetings twice a week since. So, sorry, but I stand by the suggestion that more meetings would work better.

re telling your other half, it's hard to do and there is a risk that they might go. But what jeopardises the relationship is the gambling, not the telling. The relationship is still built on a foundation of lies, it's just that one person knows and one doesn't. Honesty and transparency are great tools for recovery, I doubt you'd manage it without him knowing.

re using the forum, it's a also great tool but you won't like every post! Some are more sympathetic than others; my view is that sympathy definitely has it's place but so do hard truths...if taken on board and accepted in the spirit they were intended. At the end of the day, it's up to you but presumably it would help to start a diary and I hope you do.

I didn't put it in my last post but I do wish you well in your recovery.

CW

well i cant even reply am that angry and upset !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I can see that you'd prefer me not to post on your threads any more, so I won't. Although I can't see why you're so angry with me.

CW

hey people i,m mercs oh now ive read these comments an its all very sad that folks have reached such depths in one way or another,now most comments have been quite positive an encouragin,some not quite so,we all have our own ways of dealin with things in many facets of our lives be it professionally or in our personal lives,now i could of quite easily packedmy bags an left because ive heard it all before about her stoppin an gettin help etc etc,now i didnt give her any ultimatums till after she told me her plans it was only then did I give her the ultimatums if she didnt stick to her plans.i probably have a bit more understandin of addiction than most here as my boss who is also an old school friend was a drug addict hes been clean 20 yrs now an still attends his NA meetings we have talked many times of her addiction an hes opened my eyes,hes given me some brilliant advice in the past none of it negative,so for some people to make harsh comments with negative undertones is like kicking someone when they are down which is unfair,now i,ll deal with mercs problem my way as others deal with theirs their way so cw even though i can understand your comments i feel such negativety is unwarranted on a forum such as this,youlike me are just as much casualties in this horrendous illness so its down to the likes of us to be positive an help the best we can.so someone who is successful on here who beats this disease its everyones on here success so good luck to all, I,LL BE WATCHING

Hi Brezah,

I think it's great the support your giving to Merc she will need it. This addiction is easy to hide and in telling you she has done the hardest thing in admitting and with your awareness now naked it that much harder. She needs help and it looks like your willing to give that support. As long as Merc hold up her end of the bargain it's a fight that you can win together and with all things you have both put in place I can see no reason why you won't be winning.

One thing I would say is don't forget yourself in this. You to can get support if you feel you need it. Even reading and posting on here will help you, counselling is available from Gamcare for you and Merc and i see she is if to GA which is great there is also GamAnon which is like GA but for family of CG's.

I wish you both well

KTF

Hi brezah...welcome...and respect to you for standing beside your wife with such empathy....as a couple I'm sure you will get through this together...and each person's recovery is very different...but with all the safe guards in place I beleive it can be done with postative and supportive encouragement from our lives ones....best of luck to you both..x

Hi brezah, nice to see you supporting your wife; both merc and I are in the same position - very similar stories too. When you have spiralled out of control and you are trying your hardest to conquer your demons, having the one you love support you along your journey is invaluable. Now everything is out in the open you can both work towards a brighter future. You sound like a wonderful man. Take care of yourself too xx

Welcome merc xxx I just wanted to wish you good luck on your journey. I know it's hard, so hard as I too am tackling a slot addiction. Feel free to have a read of my diary ( with my hand on my heart ), I'm sure you will relate to it. Be gentle with yourself. You have come so far already and we are all here to help you along the way as best we can xxx star