Slots Fool - that's what I'm gonna call myself. Hi everyone, thought it's better to write my story publicly rather than wasting a professional's precious time that could be better spent with other people that need help. At least you'd have the option to stop reading now.
I'm 37 and I have a history of gambling for nearly 25 years. A not-so-harmless "habit" that started with horse racing bets, continued with sports betting & poker where I was gambling with harmless amounts. Gambling became a real problem when I started online slots 9 years ago. It happened when my sports betting website gave me some £ 5 free credits to try slots and I won £ 100 with those credits which whirled me in .. And these 9 years have seen me losing around £ 200K in total, with nearly half of this lost in the past 6 months. I'm trying to make peace with my losses but that's very hard being a slots fool - at many points I thought I figured out the logic behind the slots and could beat the system. I still believe I've solved the logic but it does require lots of patience & self control which are impossible for an addict like me. We even tried with a friend at some point and he had lots of winnings thanks to me as he was in control and I was advising. But when I'm in control & gambling with my own money, I had sessions where I would be winning for 5-6 hours and then lose all those winnings & more in 10 minutes.
However either way with slots I could go 20 days without winning and then winning for only 1 hour to make up for all those losses. This happened maybe 15-20 times in my experience. Sometimes it doesn't make it up fully but it always gives back some; lose 20K gives back 15K, lose 50K gives back 30K etc. Of course I lost those givebacks also, because thse make you feel that you'll always win back at least most of your losses in the long term and. But of course for that you have to have the funds to play with, which I don't right now. I have maybe 2K left to gamble and I will indeed gamble that amount as a last hope - I don't think anyone can change my mind about that because I have been on a losing streak for too long (probably the longest streak I ever had) and I expect the casino to give back at least some of it any day now.
What I'm afraid of at this point is what if it doesn't give it back? It always gives back but I never know how much I would have to lose before getting it back and for example I could have to lose 20K more to gain back the previous losses and I can't afford that now.
I have also "invested" in cryptocurrencies in the meantime; during these 9 years there have been long periods gambling-free and to my luck those periods were where cryptocurrencies were in decline and they went to the moon while I was gambling with the money I could have kept at bitcoin etc and could have seen it grow by x5 - x10. I have also had regular income for all these years, somewhere between £ 50K - £ 100K annually.
The biggest positive is that I always gambled out of my savings and never went in debt because of my losses. But that doesn't prevent the trauma that if I hadn't lost as such, I could easily have had a great house and extra savings especially for retirement. Instead, here I sit writing these with no savings left at all and practically starting from scratch. I'm also a contractor and have a contract for until the end of March but after March it's unclear what's going to happen especially because of COVID and the IR35 rules in UK. So I could well go in debt at some point after all.
Sorry for nagging for too long, as I said I just need to write these here since I can't talk to anyone about this. I don't want to pull my family into this and my friends with all their good intentions would be unable to help. I guess what I'm looking for is someone to talk to, with a similar stature in life & similar or worse experiences with gambling. (Someone who could have been at the higher end of the middle class without gambling and is / has been at the lower end of the middle class because of gambling to tell me how they coped with this.)Â Otherwise I don't feel I can get out of this loop, even with the support of friends / family / professionals...
Thanks for reading & please help me if you can
Please try contacting gamcare its worth a try. You can do 1-1 on netline or call them
Also in terms of the gambling online slots..i recommend getting gamstop to block you joining and a blocking software called gamban.
However i feel you need more support than what i can offer..just wanted you to know i read and want you to get support.
Also their is a chatroom 1pm and 8pm every day you can join to talk to others in similar positions.
Hope you find them help you need and wantÂ
Lou xÂ
Wow I could be reading my own story in yours except as well as losing my contractor wage I have also got into £50k of debt. I can totally understand the way you feel and I’ve done the same where I’ve won back almost what I put in but I lose those winnings thinking I’ll win more. I’ve also not told family and friends for the same reasons. I don’t think I could cope with their upset and disappointment so I am battling this alone but it can be done! There is no miracle cure and without sounding cheesy admitting the problem to yourself is the first step. My profile says I’m 76 days gambling free but that’s because I’ve not updated my profile however I am 20 days. I get urges but I find something else to occupy my time which is sometimes other games on my phone but brain training ones! I think parts of us are also phone addicts - a real problem that exists!
You can do this and each day will feel like a better one! I’ve not got some wise words of advice but being true to yourself is a good start!
Here to listen x
Thanks @Lou-x for your support. As bad as this sentence sounds, it actually helped me to read about so many people struggling with much worse problems than me - to the extent of going in huge debts / being unable to pay rent. Group chats will definitely be one of my next steps as you suggested.
@frankiewx my problem isn't about the urge any more but rather not being able to make peace with my losses. The increase of bitcoin and cryptocurrencies are also somewhat triggering me when I think I had around 30K invested in those which could have been worth around 150 - 200K right now if I hadn't gambled them.Â
How do you stop yourself when your instincts tell you that you can win your losses back; is it just finding something else to occupy your time? (And if you were to compare day 1 to day 20, how different would you say you feel?)
As helpless as I am right now, I'd still be willing to offer any support you might need. Could be easier for both of us to emphasize with such a similar storyline.
Your welcome would be great to see you in there ..its not bad its good you feel others storys can help..many (most) people on this site have been through losses some have lost homes..familys ..their whole savings. All we can do is help advice support one another and share storys x
Im 94 days gamble free..i still get stressed about the losses and think to myself i could win them back..but even if you got the money back would you stop or spend it further gambling ? Thats the issue we cant stop.Â
I found it helpful doing the gamcares online ccbt course gamechange it helped me..also writing the pros vs cons of gambling andthe effects each cause the cons outweighed the pros
Lou x
Lou x
Hi westbridgealan, well done for being so honest. I think it's refreshing that you admit you'll spend 2k to try and win back money you've lost, but it's also quite worrying. I'm assuming you've spent it already considering your original post was on 8th Jan and we're now a few days along from that. Either you've gotten lucky or you haven't. The bigger concern is what happens after that 2k is spent. From reading your post, it seems to me like you're almost resigning yourself to losing more money and going in to debt. Part of the reasoning for this, seems to be that you believe there is a way to win at slots and it requires patience. I think this is wrong and I'm sure others would agree that there is no way to win on slots long term. It's virtually impossible.Â
I wish you all the best in your future. I'm in my 30's as well and even though we might still be young enough to turn things around, life goes in fast.Â
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