Start to change

Hey everyone. Just joined today. 

Was finally honest with myself and my partner last night about my gambling habits. It felt good to be honest but the fact he's feeling hurt and betrayed is killing me. 

I started gambling about 6 years ago on online slots. It got out of hand about 3 years ago, got into massive debt so decided to try and stop. It nearly broke our relationship. I joined gamstop for the full five years and was doing great, didn't gamble for about a year. 

Then about 6 months ago I got into crypto casinos and it all went downhill from there. At first I'd deposit , then when I lost that I'd tell myself 'I'll just do another'. 3 days later and 90% of my wages were gone. I'd managed to keep it quiet from my partner for a while, just blamed the lack of money on my debts I was paying off. But last night he asked me and I had to come clean. I'm trying to explain to him that my original intentions was to win money to help our financial situation, but in his mind I've just said '**** it' to all the money issues we have and been wasting my money, which I understand. 

I need to get help properly this time. I've admitted to myself I have an actual addiction and I need to get the help to overcome it.