Support please

Hi Rachel1990

First of all welcome to the forum I'm sure a lot of people will give advice to yourself and your boyfriend. I myself am a CG and can only imagine how you are feeling and I can relate to how your boyfriend will be feeling at this moment in time. All I am going to say is ring the Gamcare helpline as you will get a lot of advice for yourself and your boyfriend. All I will say is your boyfriend has to WANT to stop gambling for things to get better between you and him and it won't be easy in the early days as I well know from my experiences. If you do nothing else just ring the helpline and I'm sure this will answer a lot of question for yourself. I hope you both can sort this out as gambling has and will destroy many relationships.

All the Best

Darren

Thanks Darren

I keep thinking to ring but I just cry. boyfriend has told me (I hate writing it that way as I have never had to doubt his word before) he has rang and has a telephone assessment on tuesday for counselling. He told me he had counselling several years ago and had it undercontrol and then let himself get complacent going into bookies ect then going back to casinos gambling large amounts of money. I really do not want this to destroy us.

Hi

Sorry to see what's going on. Him coming clean rather than being found out is an encouraging sign but he will need to build on that by committing to doing whatever it takes however potentially embarrassing or inconvenient. He also needs to rid himself of the noton he can ever get it under control. A gambling addiction can be arrested but it can't be cured. There are lots of practical things he can do to limit his access to cash and gambling with virtually immediate effect starting with handing control of his finances to you or someone else he trusts. SE is a start but that's all.

It's easy to get consumed by it all but make sure you look after your own interests and put yourself first.

Hi Rachel

I know it probably is very hard for you to ring but believe me the people on the other end of the phone are brilliant and by the time you come off the phone you will feel better than when you first rang up !! Like your boyfriend I had councilling some 7 years ago and if I'm honest I got nothing out of it as I had a male councillor and thought I couldn't open up as it wasn't a manly thing to do !! This time round I've had a female councillor and it's so different and I've got a lot of answers as to why I gambled, but what I will say is you only get things out of these sessions from what you put in and to be open and honest. The first few sessions I had I was an emotional wreck. Complacency is a common factor that creeps in as time goes on but as I said your boyfriend has to WANT to stop. I can only do this by dealing with each day as it comes or this is where the complacency creeps in and we find ourselves slipping back into the gambling world !! He can self exculde himself from all bookies and casinos if he wants to ! Hope you can find the strength to ring the helpline and that your boyfriend gets the councilling he needs to help himself, also I would try and get him to attend a local GA meeting if you have one near you ?

Best of Luck

Darren

Thanks.

I would not have guessed as I did not suspect a thing, he said if he did not tell me he would wait until he had some money again and go back. He self excluded himself from the casinos the night he came home to tell me. I also now have all his cards and he went to work with £5. I do not want him to resent not having money though, what if people from work go out for lunch and he has no money will he not start resenting this. I am protected we are not financially tied we put an offer in on a house two weeks ago luckily it was rejected so renting.

I feel I need to understand this addiction better as I just do not get it yet, I plan on reading up on everything but need to let the shock sink in first. I need to get my head straight as I have not been great the last three days at work and I have a job that I can not just zombie through. I am able to switch on being my happy go lucky self but as soon as I am alone either in the car going to the bathroom at work walking to the shop I burst into tears.

I know i need help with this too. I feel i put bf on a pedastool and it has been kicked clean away and I look like a complete fool. we had saved for a holiday which I was booking this week for june which I had in my head was the time we were gonna get engaged now I do not even know if it is even right to go. as the £400 he has put in could go a small way to his debt. I feel like I a going through the motions and trying to be strong infront of him as I know he is devastated and really low.

I want a partnership not feel like I am constantly survalancing him and have control over his money, where he goes and what he does.

thanks for the advice Darren, tomorrow we are both off work and I think I need to lay the law down and know everything for my peace of mind and then look at ringing the number.

Hi rachel1990.

Welcome to the forum.

Im afraid that now you have been given the bad news its eyes wide open time. The best advice now is that you must not let this be a blind love. Its one of the most serious pieces of news you could have been given and when you learn about the addiction you will realise how serious it is.

Your partner will need to be fully ready and feel a sense of relief he wants to stop or it will cause resentment somewhere down the line.

I dont want to over worry you as it can be tackled with the right help. However you need to protect your finances and must not be lending any money or possessions.

Its not about treating him like a baby...its about saving his life and any quality of life you have.

Dont be afraid or embarrassed about phoning gamcare. This is serious and you need all the help and support around you. You may well a need family support from people you can trust. Im not trying to drive a wedge between you. You didnt cause this and you are still learning how to deal with it effectively

Im not saying he is a bad person. An addiction is a form of mind control and escape as he was seeking a dopamine fix.

You can help from a position of strength and it will take some tough talking and tough love. If he realises whats important he will enter full recovery and be glad to

Best wishes from everyone on the forum