The shame, the embarrassment, the destruction.

You are welcome.  You are not alone here. Let's hold each other's hands and move forward.  One step at atime

Hi

Thank you first time poster your honesty is very powerful.

For me being completely open and honest in life helped me reduce my fears.

I was not feeling comfortable being that honest.

I am sorry to hear that your marriage was over due to your unhealthy habits.

My wife told me she wanted me to be completely honest and it was nto about the money it was the lies and my betrayal to her.

It took me a long time to get honest to myself.

Being honest again was not just about the money. 

Being honest with my self was very important, I was not a bad person evil, I was just emotionally vulnerable escaping in my fears. 

I now able to be more open and honest with my self..

Only when I am honest to my self can I be honest to other people.

My way of escaping to fruit machines started before my teens.

Again spending more than I could afford.

I now understand that I did not feel good gambling, it was my emotional escape.

The longer I was involed with gambling the more emotionally vulnerable I got.

The recovery program helped me abstain from the gambling.

The recovery program helped me heal the pains of my hurt inner child.

I did not feel loved nurtured or affection as a child.

I put on a face a front to hide the pain I could not heal.

The only time I felt successful was getting some thing for nothing or getting some thing cheap.

I did not feel productive in my life.

I kept putting things off and procrastinating.

I in effect gave my hard work and money away getting no reward for my work efforts.

I use to wish my life away, I wished for Saturday to come, I use to hate and dread Monday. 

Yes my mood swings were very painful and terrible, I transered my pains fears and frsutrations on to people close to me.

I am so pleased you are 9 days gambling free.

It is only by continuously beig from all unhealthy habits will you heal your pains and reduce your fears.

The gambling establishments never hurt me I hurt myself.

The gambling establishments never lied to my family I did that.

I was so used to fearing emotional intimacy and being honest.

When people asked how I was feeling was not a queswtion.

Me saying I was fine or not so bad was a lie to myself.

I to have admitted that my addiction is very unhealthy for me.

How much time and effort am I willing to invest in to myself in becoming a healthier less vulnerable person.

How much time and effort am I willing to invest in to healing my hurt inner child.

The time you invest in to your recovery will be self rewarding in time.

I am a non religious person, yet I do beleive in spirtual values and my own healthy conscience once  became less and less emotionally vulnerable.

Once you get past talking about being in action the money and open up to therapies your fears reduce and your trust grows.

Never be sorry for the honest sharing and your honesty.

In time your honesty will be your strength.

In time your honesty will be self rewarding and you will learn from your past but not livein it any more.

Dave,

Jesus……it’s like looking in a mirror! Everything written I can associate with!

Today is day 10, but the worst & best day ever yesterday……I met my mother in law yesterday, who I am close too, and despite seeing the hurt in her eyes was fantastic, and afterwards I saw my wife. Again, she is broken, very upset and the hurt was there to see, but again so much compassion.

There is much more than just the gambling to resolve, but I know I can do it with their support too. The biggest issue for me at the moment is to overcome my guilt.