This is not life.. This is hell

Hi

The gambling for me was a kind of self abuse.

By attending recovery meetings I would learn how to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

I got to understand that recovery means healing.

Yet I could only get healthy by admitting to my self I was unhealthy.

If my bosses asked me to go to work unpaid what would I think of that.

Yet my addiction I was in effect working hard for my money and giving it away.

In the last twenty years I have been able to abstain from gambling.

I have been able to abstain from from smoking.

I have been able to abstain from drinking tea and coffee.

I have been able to abstain from living my every day life filled with fear.

By attending recovery meetings I would learn how to not react in such unhealthy ways.

I have been able to get honest with my self and learn to like my self.

No matter how many times I went back to gambling I kept going to meetings.

@gadaveuk So are you gamble ftee now? 

I am in the same situation. I am 20 years old and i started gambling around 7 months ago and right now i sit here and realize i lost around 20k, i am lucky to receive a lot of money monthly from my parents and the guilt and shame is killing me. i have started this after a very toxic 2 years relationship. 2 years that changed my life completely, i had to go to a psichiatrist and turns out i have a borderline personality disorder. my life is a total mess and right now its 6 in the morning and i have just lost. i did a whole list of small daily achievements that i am planning to tick every day and hopefully i will see how my life will change in a while. i still have faith time and good choices will take us where we want. Its all in our control, but we don't realize it. We act on impulsivity and we need to understand that we shape our own lives and we are responsible for them. i hope we will overcome this and make our lives beautiful. We have to

@biancaaa224 Ahh.. Next time you want to bet again just wait for a minute and think of your parents man .. Just think how they will not want this for you.. Ans you know at some point you will have your life your money on your own .. And you are not so deep into this hole .. So just think how bad we are ruining our youth and our lifes at all .. It's never too late to get out .. Now trust me i know better what is it to fight with this demons every single day we just need to be strong and get out .. Trust me we will win every single day ! 

its so frustrating and difficult to accept the loss, just thinking what i could have done with the money that would make me happy instead of ruin my health. I moved in a different country for university and i am alone here, i have no money left and i don't know what i will eat until i receive more. I regret it so much, i decided to stop so many times, before i first started university i was about to come here with 100 euros for a month, i was losing everything, but i got the chance to win then i promised i stop.. 3 weeks i was so much better, everything was going well, i was organized and happier then i just did it again, since then i didn't buy myself anything nice i just lost every single cent even after i told my mom about it and she tried to help me and gave me extra money, i even lost those. this is how horrible i am. i wish i could just go back in time and never started doing this stupid thing in the first place

@biancaaa224 Just because you slipped one two times doesn't mean you can't stop trust me i tried to stop 10-15 times like you but this time i feel it different i am on second day clean i know it will be a very very tough road but i will give everything from me and i will not fall again trust me it's not worth to catch those loses just forget about them if you want DM me to talk 

Thank you so much for the advise. where can i dm you?

@biancaaa224 I don't know i thought i can DM you here but it seems i can't Whatsapp or Viber idk 

That’s so true, it’s not life it’s HELL! I started gambling full time in 2016 when my daughter went to college, and my husband got a new job and travels out of state sometimes 2- 3 times a month. I guess I pretty much filled the void with gambling. It’s all I think about! I’m constantly trying to think of when I can go back.Reading everyone’s stories I’m understanding I’m not the only one that have the same problems and thoughts. 

Hi everyone,

A quick note about swapping contact details with other Forum users. It's understandable you may sometimes want to talk in a different space. Unfortunately, we are no longer able to facilitate the swapping of contact details from users.

As our Forum is an open online space that anybody can access (even non-Forum members), we do ask that contact details are not posted here for your own safety and wellbeing. Once your details are available, there is no telling what contact you may receive. Our moderators will remove any details that are posted in the Forum to make sure it stays a safe space for everyone.

You can read through our Chatroom and Forum Etiquette here: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/chatroom-and-forum-etiquette/

Thanks for your understanding,

Jamie
Forum Admin

@smith12345_ You are not alone of course we are all in this hell .. But it's our choice to stay there or do something to get out .. With strong will we can ! 

Hi

In time I got to understand that my anger was a very unhealthy reaction to my pains my fears and my frsutrations.

I am at this time 31 yeas from from gambling.

When I was having such unhealthy reactions of my anger at times I reached a very unhealthy level rage which is extreme levels of anger.

When I reached a very unhealthy level of rage I lost in completely.

Being at a very high unhealthy level of rage I lost it and did nto value my self or others.

A very unhealthy level of rage is a very unhealthy reaction.

The rooms of recovery helped me understand more about my self.

For me recovery was and is about healing my pains facing and reducing my fears and reduce my expectations of people life and situations.

To understand my unhealthy habits and exchange them in to healthy habits.

For me the gambling was self distruction.

For me the gambling was me working hard for my money and then me willingly giving it away to complete strangers while I and my family went with out.

That makes no sense what over to me today.

Love healing and peace to you.

Dave L

Dave of Beckenham

@fallingdown33-2 

I am 31 years clean of my addiction.

Dave L