THIS REALLY GOT ME SO BAD

Because some times we don't care about ourselves or care about the others around us even if they are trying to help.

Some people like myself didn't care if I won or lost. I just wanted it to end and it does get like that with many compulsive gamblers just like myself.

It's a form of self distruction and the more family and friends and money you have the longer and more painful the fall into oblivion. 

This is why it's always best to keep up self improvement and while you're at it help others also. Abstaining from gambling helps keep a clear mind and your pockets full even if you have give up financial control to a loved one. 

It can be a bloody hard journey maybe with debts or lost friends but if you stay the path freedom is within you. 

Dave101

@wbr9jcpn3y so right.  Money really has no meaning when you are a gambler. 

I would try and get cheap bread from our local supermarket by shopping after 7pm as they reduce the unsold food.  I would probably save one or two pounds.  But then blow a few hundred on online casinos later that night.

Please keep posting your thoughts and recovery and even potential lapses.  This is one place that people truly understand what you are going through from first hand experience.

@dave101 so right.  I would gamble to the point that I didn't care if I won or lost I just wanted it over.  The amount I had won meant nothing, I always wanted more wins but when I hit them I felt numb.

@thebean I would have to agree with you there it wasn't about money in the end it was about that fix . I was becoming physically affected .pains in my chest . Racing heart rate cold sweats  

@thebean I try not to forget those times so when a urge comes I just thinking of the numbing pain it brings. 

@wbr9jcpn3y pretty soild ideas from thebean for food. I used to go after 9pm to a supermarket to get reduced items because I didn't have much money. The worse I have done is stolen food from community area in my building when I was in the army. I had no other choice. I hope it doesn't get to that there are many people willing to help like food banks of course

@r1p7euasno got the same symptom as you . 

Now all the monthly salary will just go to pay debt and I can only keep 20% for spending, and also use my Credit card + installment package to survive. And my job is about customer support so I still have to keep smiling, be empathetic with them. It is really hard. 

Thanks for all the replies guys,when I read them I could find myself in all of these situations in the past myself aswel as you have.I think every gambler would feel the same.

When I am thinking clearly now why I did gamble,it was never about the money,even when I started to gamble 21 years ago,I don't think I ever had in my head any ideas of being millionaire from gambling,or to be rich from gambling I was doing it because everyone else around me was gambling,my father,all of my friends and nobody ever mentioned to me don't do it please it will ruin your life.

Nobody talked about how dangerous gambling was or to tell me to stay away from it.

People knew how harmful drinking alcohol was and everyone was drinking alcohol.

Now they become alcoholics,it's just a trap for you to fall into and there's very hard process to become clean again but I tell you what we can all make it doesnt matter how strong you are,how old you are,or where you come from.It is never too late,remember that.We are strong enough to fight this devil

Today is the day 3 of my recovery 72 hours gambling free at 14.00pm

Couldn't be more proud of myself then I am right now.

@wbr9jcpn3y Well done ? it's a good feeling to get through each day you don't gamble. I'm on day six and it's like a miracle because I didn't go a day without gambling for two years apart from my first attempt at stopping I did a few weeks but I slipped back into it again and it was much worse if I hadn't stopped I don't think I would be here . I had to get medical help I was in such a distressed state. I knew I really really  wanted to stop this time and Gamcare has been so good . Wishing you the best on your healing journey. MK