So I am back here after stopping gambling on and off for around 3 years. I know I’ve had a problem with gambling for 7-8 years and it’s not getting worse but it didn’t need to because it’s been consistently bad for a while and I just want it to stop.
I am 27 years old with a partner and a little girl almost 2 years old am I am ashamed and devastated to say I broke my promise I’m not stopping when my girl was born 🙁
We all need to hope for better in life and I’m hoping the attitude towards gambling and the actions I have taken this time will Curb I once and for all.
In all honestly I can bet on football and it has NEVER been a problem 5-10£ here or there and never has it been an issue but blackjack could ruin my life it I let it anymore.
last year I self excluded through gamstop for a year and the situation improved massively. All I could do was put my little footy bets on and no issues...great. However that exclusion ran out in June and I thought stupidly I could gamble again and be better. This was not true at all and gradually small bets have again increased. I’ve had big wins again and walked away, only to return and lose profits and then some of my hard earned money.
this time I have put a 5 year self exclusion on gamstop following a loss of 3k in the last 7 days overall. I have also realised and come to the conclusion that I have been self deatructing and leaving my future and in turn my gorgeous little girl me and my partners future in jeopardy and ruining our current lives in secret all on a a few decks of card in a machine.
I a self employed with a very very good salary and I can earn as much money as I want. And I do earn a lot of money which what hurts because all those hours and the care and attention I put into my job and working with clients and staying away from home and working long hours has been for nothing. i mean I have even gambled away tax money I will owe the HMRC. I have no idea what I can say to them when I come up sort about 2-3k in April. all I do know is that if I didn’t self exclude last night and start posting on here, maybe I would be 10kshort but I’m going t get my head down again and save what I can even though I will be short.
i have never really bothered that much with land based casinos and I genuinely know I don’t have to run around every land based casino self excluding. It’s when I’m away from work or say at home on a night I decide to gamble but now I’m going to read a book or look on here and post to try and keep busy.
I go to the my and I play snooker and that’s going to be what I do now when I start to think of gambling.
im 27 and if I don’t stop now my little girl is going to end up with nothing and keep seeing her dad distant and upset and dead inside which is how I feel and am when I’ve had a loss. I also know that last night if I didn’t self exclude I would have made sure Christmas was ruined because I was heading that way. What sort of a dad does that to his daughters Christmas. Doesn’t give her everything he can with his attention and doesn’t give her all the presents and fun she deserves. One who is almost on the brink of full destruction
long message I know but I needed to get all this down because it’s been in my head and killing me inside
day 1 of no gambling
Hi @losingcolour92,
Well done for posting on the forum this morning and getting in contact. It sounds like things have been creeping up on you since the self exclusion lapsed.You have done a very positive thing in releasing that the situation is getting worse and deciding to exclude your self from 5 years.
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Good luck.
its incredibly hard but you are young enough to recover, go do it
Fair play mate. Good luck to you. I lost 3k 4 weeks ago yesterday. Lost lots more over the years. I know what your saying about feeling dead inside I’ve felt like that so many times. Good luck your only 27 and in a very good job so be proud of that.. don’t let the bookies win anymore they are cowards.
Hi Losing colour and welcome to the forum.
That is well written and you have made a good step in joining the forum.
Yes it only takes one form of gambling to ruin somebody. I hope you are now beginning to realise that you cant go back to it ever again...its not for you as the addiction ensures you have no control. I do agree that not every form of gambling triggers people but its hard to seek solace in that when the bank account has been cleaned out.
I will just give you some food for thought. Have you told anybody close and restricted access to time location gadgets and cash? The money restriction is a very important one. Im afraid that its not just about willpower and hoping you can do it this time.
There is no shame in reaching out for help and admitting to a gambling addiction.
You must stop now! When you are truly ready you will feel a serenity inside of knowing its the right thing to do. Telling people will become easier because you will know its far better than the destruction gambling has lined up for you.
You need to use every thought process. The addiction isnt ultimately about the money and it affects people from all walks of life. Some people have gambled millions away with the same addiction. It is a drug addiction as the power of dopamine and endorphins are what excites the body and alters minds.
The money has gone. You will build a pride in recovery. The urges do fade but only when you are facing the cold turkey properly. Its not a secret you can keep because that leaves a door wide open to start again at any time.
I see a few ifs in there and "hope" which worries me slightly. You can do this...its about acting on advice and doing with rock solid foundations and starting from square one.
Square one isnt gamstop self exclusion although obviously thats an early step....its total honesty with yourself and the people you love and trust....its the serenity to hand over control of important matters and admit you have no control. Its realising this addiction will fight back on a wet tuesday or when you are stressed/feeling restless. Its realising you can never be complacent for the rest of your life and feeling positive about that.
its realising that you have to deeply analyse who you are and why you have been vunerable to this illness. That will be you main hobby for a while and you should try a gamblers anonymous meeting because reality checks are good for you.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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