Hello all,
So, tonight, my wife has found out about loans i have taken out due to my gambling which she knew nothing about. She doesn't know yet that the loans i took out were due to gambling because I work night shift so i said i would explain when i get home in the morning. By the time any of you read this i'll have probably gotten home and explained everything. How it will go and what the result will be i can only imagine. But it's strange to say, i'm glad i've been found out (i think), i'm not sure how much longer i could have gone on keeping secrets due to health issues which have started affecting my life. I'll try and explain things in a long story short scenario but i apologise in advance if this turns into war and peace.
I've always had a little dabble betting on the football at weekends, £5 acca here and there. You win some, you lose some. At the end of the weekend you might be a fiver or a tenner down or be lucky enough to actually be up. A few years ago, a friend in work told me how he'd won on a spin on the "fruit machines" as he liked to call them. One week i was offered a free bet, but instead of just being offered the free bet, i was offered so many spins free instead on a game if i preferred that option. I chose the free spins....... 🙁 fast forward 4/5 years and i'm in thousands of debt and have just been partly found out (fully by the time i get home once i hold my hands up to everything!). I've not only gone and spent inheritance money, but took out numerous loans. Each loan to put back in what i'd lost so we still had a fall back in the savings. Each loan dipped into due to needing that fix again and before you know it, loan spent and another application on the go.
Going back to football bets, if i lost a fiver, i tried another fiver the next day. If that lost, that was generally that until the following weekend. The difference in mindset where slot gambling is concerned is way beyond anything. I never felt placing bets on football that if i lost £5 that i really needed to win that back, plus more. With slot machines, it was £10 deposit, 10p a spin, sometimes 20p. Then £20 deposit to try and win back the original stake thinking if i doubled the spin value i'd win twice as much. It has gotten to points of £100 deposit and £1 a spin thinking a big win will come. And believe me, i've had a few wins. But knowing that specific game paid out huge, i kept trying elsewhere. I'd register with another site to play that game to try and win big again. I've actually lost count of all of the sites i have ever registered with trying to get that next big win before closing the account and setting up another elsewhere! I could never just be happy putting £5 in like the football and accepting if i didn't win then that was it, i always needed a good win before i would stop.
At times, i've realised the savings are getting lower and lower and i end up self excluding from whatever site i am playing on. Then an advert comes on the radio, tv etc and before you know it i'm signed up and depositing on another site. Then the savings go and another loan is on the go. It feels so f*****g stupid knowing the point i am at now was always going to come along, but to feel like i couldn't stop, talk to someone before it got to this point makes me feel so ashamed of myself, not only what my wife is going to find out what the situation is i've put not just us in, but our children. I've always said i wanted to be the best husband and dad to my kids that i could and now i'm wondering where i go from here when in a few hours i come clean about everything.
I could easily say, where are the checks for my loan applications? Can they not see this isn't the first i've applied for in such a short space of time? Surely by the deposits i am making and the excessive amount i deposit that someone should be pausing the account i'm registered on, rather than a message saying you've been playing for an hour do you want to continue? Surely, based on a credit check and knowing my salary that i realistically cannot afford to be paying the monthly loan amounts back without us being financially troubled? This isn't me making excuses, i signed up, i played, i won, i lost, i'm the one in trouble, not the loan companies, not the gambling sites. It's just questions that go through your head on the bad days, and the bad days have by far outnumbered the good, but still, it's gotten to tonight to finally sign up to Gamstop and take that first step because i have no other option anymore now it's out in the open.
Sorry to have gone on about it (i'm sure if i looked through the forum, a lot of others may have written more, and a lot more clearer than i have). None of the above is a cry for help, or a desire for sympathy. I feel by coming on here it might help me explain things in a few hours to my wife, like i little rehearsal in how to approach what to say etc. To say i'm absolutely petrified is probably the understatement of a lifetime. But i guess as i said above, the day was always going to come so it's time to stand up and admit i have a problem and deal with whatever consequences come my way.
Thanks for listening (if i haven't bored you already with my tale of woe!). Obviously any advise, help etc from anyone else who is or has been in this situation would be greatly appreciated. Not sure what else to say other than after seeing some of the previous posts on here, all of you going through this, keep up the good work!
Hi mate,
Your story could literally be my story. I was like you. A couple of quid on the football every week, the odd lottery ticket here and there, just a bit of harmless fun. Nothing to worry about. Like you, I was enticed onto slots by offer of free spins and like you, I had a couple of decent wins and that was enough to keep me interested.
8 years ago I got a job in a bookies and that's where my addiction really took hold. I'd see people winning huge amounts from little spins and want some of that for myself. I'd often spend hours alone in the shop, not seeing a single person all night because there was no racing and no football on and I'd spend the whole time spinning slots, chasing a decent win. Chasing, chasing, chasing.
Also, like you, I took out multiple loans to try and cover what I'd spent gambling. I'd maxed out 3 credit cards by using them to deposit with. Took out loans to pay off the cards and then I'd do it all. Again and again. I was dipping into the joint savings to cover my bills for the month, whilst racking up more and more debt.
I was in a place where I knew I had to stop. I knew I had to come clean but I couldn't. Then the mortgage deal on our house was up and we'd need to find a new one. I knew this wasn't going to be an easy ride because of my debt and absolutely decimated credit rating.
To add yet another similarity to this story, my wife found out we'd been rejected for a mortgage deal whilst I was at work so I knew that when I went home after my shift that I'd be coming clean and everything would be coming out in the open. The relief I felt at the fact I wasn't gonna have to carry that secret burden with my everywhere was huge. I'm not gonna pretend the conversation is easy because it absolutely isn't. It's horrible. I was in limbo with regards to my marriage for weeks. Thankfully my wife stuck around and hopefully yours does too.
Good luck mate. This is the start of the rest of your life.
It was horrible reading your story. This was pretty much my story too. Coming clean is the worst thing you'll ever experience, but it's a huge step in starting to recover. Don't underestimate how much hurt you will have caused. Just do everything in your power to prove yourself. Read all the advice on this forum. Take every ounce of help offered. Do this for you partner, but more importantly do it for yourself. You have to want to quit more than anything. Be completely honest. No more hiding anything. If you hide one thing and it comes out, you have not proved yourself. Show bank statements. Show loans and credit files. It's horrible, embarrassing, humiliating, but it needs to be done.
Whilst it was horrible reading your story, it also made me happy. It is the first step and it means if you put in the work, you are on the road to recovery. Anyone getting to this stage should be proud. You now have hope of a better future, if you put the work in.
Best of luck. Let us know how you are doing. The support in here is fantastic and will get you through the dark days.
Stay strong 👍
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
