Hi. Today I had admitted to my wife I am a gambler, I was also admitting it to myself when I heard myself say it. My wife has offered to clear my debt with our savings but she is so upset at what I have done. She said it isn't about the money it's the fact I have lied to her in the past regarding money when I know I gambled it. I started gambling a year and a half ago when my mother died. I'm 31 but my wife feels I took my mum's death to easily. I'm trying to find a reason or a number of reasons why I gamble. My mum passing must have something to do with it as that's when I started. I also borrowed money off my dad which my wife didn't know about. I had gambled my wages and needed help getting out of the whole without my wife knowing. Seeing her face the disappointment when I told her. I have to stop she said she would leave me and take the kids with her if I can't sort the gambling out.
It was really hard telling my wife today. It made me feel pathetic and sick.
Never thought I would have a problem like this you know.
Any advice?
Hi, CH,
You will get a lot of advice on here but perhaps also post in the Recovery Diaries section and update daily?
In the meantime, you and your wife should both get external help. GamCare offer the helpline and counselling but best would be GA for you and GamAnon for her, the meetings are regular and there's no time lag. She will need as much help as you.
I'm assuming that you actually want to stop gambling, so don't leave any loopholes. Block your devices, self exclude, downgrade your mobile to a non internet version. Show your wife what you're doing to address the problem.
Presumably you don't want her to use her own resources to pay off you gambling debts. Or to get credit in her name, or even to use family money. After all, it's your debt, you're responsible for it and you won't want her to lose out. The best advice, if she's willing, is for her to pay your debts off slowly from your salary. To help manage future temptation, hand over full and complete financial control to her, ask her to drip feed you minimal money to buy your petrol/lunch and the rest is for her to pay out, as per agreed budget. If you need debt advice, use StepChange, rather than a paid debt management company.
Hope this helps,
CW
Thank you for your advice. We have just been through all sites together and put self exclusions on all sites.
The thing that gets me the most is how much I have let my family down. Seeing my wife cry about this breaks my heart.
Hi CH , Firstly welcome to the forum , your among friends who understand exactly what youv'e just gone through admitting to your wife that your a compulsive gambler , we've all struggled with that at some time and a big well done for fessing up to that one .
Obviously She's not going to put much trust in you around money , thats for damm sure ! . So in order for her to rebuild the trust , you have make sure everything is in the way to prevent you from having acsess to gambling again , such as downloading software to prevent you from betting online or self excluding from bookies , if thats your thing?.
However strongly you feel about stopping right now , usually we need help as willpower alone doesn't always cut it and when Mr Gamble comes a knockin you have to have all the doors bolted firmly shut .
Give yourself a few days gamble free and the brainfog will lift, as youv'e more than likely got a million different feelings and emotions whizzing around your head at the moment ?.
There's plenty of advice regards counciling for you and your partner if she or you need it , perhaps give gamecare a ring and they will point you in the right direction .
Its not easy coming to terms with what we as gamblers have done to our loved ones and ourselves , it can get out of hand very quickly and you think , how did I end up here.! But here's where we are , your in the right place with a wealth of knowledge on offer and it's all free !!., just as well coz we have no money left through gambling !!.
Anyway , stick around , take what you need , ask questions about anything and keep posting , someone will always pick up on your thread and comment .
Best wishes as you journey to a new life begins.... Welcome to recovery..............Alan
Grieving affects people in different ways. I gamble to block the pain. To try and forget then I gamble some more to try and win back what I have lost... Rarely happens though. Well done for telling your wife. Hopefully together you can turn this back around. Take care
Thank you for your advice people. I'm going to try and attend a gambler meeting.
Do what you can and keep showing her what you're doing to overcome it. That's all you can do now, better than to keep gambling.
CW
What are the ga meetings like. Will they help?
If you want them to. It's a virtual version of this. More real, people who have walked in your shoes, who have found a solution. People at 1 day free & some at 10,000 days free. If life isn't working out for you why not give it a try, no one will force you to stay
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