I am here again after another unsuccessful attempt at stopping.
So this is my REAL attempt to stop as it were.
I say that because sometimes I feel I should stop, but really do not want to,.
I find that when I am trying to stop, the immediate time after is relatively easy due to the wound of losing still being open and painful. It is when this has healed and I have accepted my new status that temptation occurs again.
I gamble on sports events, football, horses and I am no expert on either of these, simply drawn in by the odds and the thoughts that I can make money as well as all the other aspects of gambling which I believe for me to be: To kill boredom, for escapism, for hope that I can aleviate my position by making money, to give instant reward with little effort.
Gambling over the 15 years I have been addicted has ruined my life. Ok so it wasn't a charmed life before, but I did have a house, a car, a career and was in a relationship.I also had savings and did normal things like go out and take vacations.
Spin on 15 years and here I am, with a debt management plan, a zero rating credit score, working part time unskilled by means of a family contact, my bank account is too often running on the very limit and I have been juggling whether to pay household bills or buy food, vacations and renewing my aging car are now unthinkable. Relationships do not last as I simply cannot afford to do anything, staying in for frozen pizza and a dvd soon wears a girls interest. In short I have got myself in a huge mess and it is all down to my gambling!
The trouble I find, is that (will sound obvious I know) I simply cannot stop or want to see the reality of my situation, burying my head in the sand and ridiculously believing that somehow oneday I WILL win it all back and everything will be ok!
Of course I realise in the brief moments of clarity that things will only improve when I stop chucking money away on gambling.
I also need to accept the dire situation I am in and face up to it rather than what I am doing presently of thinking I can magic my way out of this by betting on some obscure football match!
This for me has been all consuming and I am afraid of leaving this relationship, but I absolutely need to.
To summarise:
I need to stop. I want to free myself from this addiction. I have to realise that things will only improve when I do stop. I have to accept I have lost money. I have to fight the urges and triggers by replacing my time and energy with something else.
Easy to say? sure. Easy to commit to? Absolutely no! Those demons that trigger me and tempt me WILL be prevelant and my fight needs to be against them rather than fighting to win money via gambling.
Morning!
You need to put all your barriers in place to stop yourself gambling to start with, if it's online then you need to self exclude, but having some software on your devices is best to stop all gaming sites completely, I have found this has worked for me (day 10 of no gambling! Yipee!) it wasn't easy as I had to admit to my partner what I had done, that I'm a compulsive gambler and I needed help, he then put my blocks on. Do you have someone you can turn to? A family member or friend? I have found this site amazing, I'm new myself but the experience and support they have to give is unbelievable and I believe coming here everyday is what's getting me through. If you go into the bookies to gamble, then get a photo of yourself and take it in and self exclude too! I don't have experience with this bit but I have read many on here that do and I'm sure they can help you with that.
Finances are another one, I have handed over all to my partner, no money means no gambling, so again having someone you can trust will be of help to you.
Also start a diary on here if you haven't already! Offloading the thoughts in your head is seriously a great help ! They are also ga meetings all over the country that you can attend, I'm sure the support from them would be great too.
I wish you luck on your journey, you want to do this, so you can 🙂
Hello salamander
Welcome back.
There's a Swedish proverb: "luck never gives; it only lends."
As soon as you accept your situation you try to escape it. Block those escape routes!
I have read your posts from four months ago. You write about needing to stop but nothing about how you are going to stop.
There seems to be a multitude of reasons why you gamble. Stopping will be difficult. Willpower won't cut it.
Blocks, Self-exclusion, handing over finances. I think one of these would be helpful to you.
Then finding something to keep you busy will be crucial. This forum is a great way to productively use your time. I feel a sense of commitment to stopping by being here that I've never felt before.
Finally, I'd be pleased to see you stick around. You've clearly experienced the highs and lows of gambling. I think you write very well and could be a big asset to the forum.
In time a REAL inspiration.
Keep posting
Glint
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