trying not to give in

I have been reading some of these posts and I realize that lots of people have been through similar experience's and although I would not wish this addiction on my worst enemy its great to know that I am not alone.

I started gambling 5 years ago but the addiction and compulsiveness started about 2-2.5years ago. The craziest thing is that I am a logical person who could never understand how people could gamble their bill money, loan money or friends money. But I have done all of the above without thinking about the consequences, or I guess believing that one big win will solve all my problems.

I have had some of my darkest days recently with thought's and plans to end it all rather than face up to family and friends about my gambling habits. I have tried to talk to my partner about this problem and need her support but feel as if she is worried that she will not be able to go gambling as we sometimes go together.

Last night I wanted to show her some of the posts on here so that she could see how gambling has affected people in all sorts of ways, but she was not interested. In fact she became jealous of the fact that I might spend time with other people.

This really made me want to find a bookies that I have not excluded myself from and forget about it all to be honest.

However, am not going to give in even though I feel alone and ashamed. I have been for my first 1-2 counselling session that gam care has provided and I am going to try everyday to fight this addiction!!

Zulu,your words echo exactly how I feel. I'm a sensible,logical person n used to read the chat boards on gambling sites thinking how stupid are you to lose 1000 n then I'd do the same.

I have no desire to gamble at the moment but know its always there lingering. I just know that everything else I have is worth so much more. I wish you the best of luck with your recovery x

Thank you Chelda for your words of encouragement. I hope that one day soon the desire to gamble will go away, or at least ease off.

I am due to go away for work and have been given £1000 pounds for my expenses this is in my car and it would be so easy to disappear some where for a few hours to try and turn it into more.

I have decided not too which is hard but I am thinking of the negative consequences of loosing that money and facing up to my employer so it is keeping me away at the moment I know the hardest time will be this evening when I want to escape but I am going to try !

Zulu, I have just lose my job which I held for 11 years as I stole £15000 to feed my addiction. It's really not worth it x

Thank you for your honesty chelda, I am going home now to give this to my sister for safe keeping until I go!

Thank you thank you for your post it has really made me think.

I am truly sorry for your experience and hope things work out for you and your family.

Thankyou Zulu, your words mean a lot. X

Chelda

The fact that you took time to encourage me yesterday, while you are suffering a great deal yourself means so much to me.

We all do crazy things because of this addiction and I guess if we knew at the time of our first bet it would lead to this we probably would not have placed that bet.

Take care Chelda away for a few weeks now keep me posted on your progress all the best!!

Went away on business to South America where gambling exists but mainly underground so I had no opportunity to gamble. Back now and was fine in the beginning. But I had a relapse today and feel awful for it.

I am really angry with myself as was doing so well. I am going to keep trying as I really want to quit, have put all the necessary blocks in place or at least thought I had. I know it is only me in the end who can say no to it all.

I have to start day1 all over again would have been 40 days today gutted!!!

Hi zulu13

Don't dwell on the relapse, the main thing is you want to stop. Just concentrate on getting through each day, one day at a time. I recently relapsed after 15/20 years, previously it was arcades, this time I stupidly signed up for an online bingo site with slots. I won £500 with my intro bonus and that was me reeled in. I played every day from 22nd Aug until beginning of Dec. most days I was playing all night just to get my money back but a good few times I lost between 300-£500 a time. The last time it happened I was so angry at myself I self excluded myself from the site before I had time to think about it. Since then I have still had urges and last sat came very near signing up to a different site, luckily I came to my senses as I took my credit card out my bag and cancelled out. It has been hard to fight the urges but I know I don't want to go back to 15/20 years ago. It also has frightened me how easily I lost £500 (and how quickly) and if I continued I could get into financial ruin.

Chasing the loses is crazy, but when you're playing the slots all rational thoughts go out your head - I now know you need the strength never to gamble again. This site is helping me a lot and is helping giving me the strength not to open any further accounts.

I hope you find the strength too to keep gamble free, not dwell on loses or relapses but just each day, one at a time.

Mo

Hi Mo,

Thanks for your encouraging words. I guess the positive thing is that I was able to stay gamble free for 40 days so although day 2 seems a long way off from that it is not impossible. So I am going to try and beat that record this time and focus on achieving at least that. Obviously I do not want to gamble again, however I am not naïve about how easy it can be to give in to the urges read so many stories on here just how quickly anyone can get sucked into old ways.

I am going to try and start a diary on here and keep pushing myself. I am going to try everything in my power to get my life back!!

Good luck. Wound up here after having a bad night on the slots. I'd had a big loss last week and vowed to stop. Then they sent me an email saying they'd given me 100 quid. With that hundred i got up to 1400 and in trying to up that to get back the 2k I'd lost previously I ended up losing 1700 of my own money. I'm now perplexed how going from a free 100 I ended up 1700 down. Congratulations to that sites marketing department. It's amazing how the brain locks in and is almost unaware. I was shocked when I checked the deposit lists and saw rows of 150s and 100s...I only intended to use the bonus money! I've gambled for ten years but this is only the second time it's got problematic and stakes have upped beyond comfort levels. If I continue at this rate it won't go well. Haven't slept. Really heart warming reading people's experiences and it does hammer home how awful this compulsion is. Hopefully I will nip this in the bud now...I just want to wish everyone strength in their own commitment to stop. Some of the posts I've read have really touched me and I realise now I do have a big problem that could very soon become a massive problem if I don't tackle it.

Hi there,

Well firstly thanks for sharing your story, it is hard to comprehend why we cant quit when we are ahead, it is crazy how we can analyse after we have acted and not before. I am still having awful urges to gamble and have only been gamble free for 4 days.

I wish you luck too and hope that you can quit while you are ahead, by this I mean taking your second loss as your only loss and not incurring further losses as so many including myself have done.

Believe me I wish I had of run with my tail between my legs 20k ago. I guess that is what is driving me to stop is further losses and not just financial ones. Thanks for the encouragement all help is appreciated.

My pleasure. Despite knowing people through the years who have lost houses, relationships or even ended up inside due to gambling I've never quite thought I was that bad and it could happen to me. My lack of control recently shows me how easy it can happen. Reading this forum is really helping me in hammering home how destructive this habit is. I know when the urges come and my brain gets hijacked by them I'm going to have a fight on my hands but I really want to try and stay in control. Everybody's story in here is a big help to me. I don't think I've ever quite felt as disgusted by the act of gambling as I do now...whether that keeps me from doing it I don't know but for the first time in a long time I recognise it's a big problem for me and not an innocent hobby.

What ever is the driving force behind stopping use it and remember it because you will be tempted the urges will come especially when cash is available.

No definitely not an innocent hobby when it is not controllable. I remember blowing £2k in an hour the remorse and devastation was intense, you would think that would be enough to scare anyone. I went back the following day with the mind set of taking £100 pounds to see if I could win a little back. Got up to £2500.00 was buzzing.

Most would think great up over the 2 days walk away lesson learnt. Oh no not I, blew it all the same day. Can't say I will never gamble again but the reason that I have to is once I start I cant stop. I too never realized it was that bad at first and even when I eventually did, I did not stop, kept thinking one big win would solve it all!!

The truth is if I carry on and did win big I can't guarantee that I will stop and the risks are too high to mess with. I have started 1-1 counselling sessions to find the route of my gambling problems, it scares me what I might discover but I will do whatever it takes to come to grips with this destructive behaviour.

The dark days I have had I wish on no-one, the closeness to ultimate destruction when you hit rock bottom is so real it is frightening.

Everyone's story on here is different yet has one common denominator gambling has at some point taken over their lives!!

Keep fighting and get help here and wherever you can!!!