Hi all,
I don't really know where to start, gambling has well and truly got control of me this year and I just can't seem to find my feet again.
Always liked to play online bingo/slots over the years but played responsibly, depositing the odd ВЈ10 or ВЈ20 here and there but was always for a bit of fun. Never really won much but always withdrew when I did win. Fast forward to this year.....since January i have suffered some personal/emotional issues and that is when it all started. I found that gambling made me "forget" about everything else that was going on around me even if just for a short while. Before I knew it the ВЈ10 deposits were increasing to ВЈ100 a week. I know this is isn't a massive amount but it's enough to stick in my throat and riddle me with absolute guilt when I think of things it could have been spent on. I confided in my husband who bless him, has been amazing and so patient through all of this, I signed upto gamstop, downloaded a blocking filter on my phone and thought this is it, no more, enough is enough but the truth is, it isn't enough. I know to how disable the filter on my phone that blocks gambling sites and when the urge to gamble is that bad I always seem to find a site that isn't registered with gamstop and allows me to sign up and deposit. I blew £150 this week and I'm so mad at myself. I now need to sit my husband down AGAIN and tell him. I feel like I'm constantly letting him down and he honestly is the best guy. I just can't seem to break this habit but I know I need to...it's making me miserable and effecting my life. Sunday to Thursday I find it doesn't bother me, I'm kept busy enough and always tired at night so gambling doesn't really cross my mind but come a Friday the urges are so bad and as much as I promise myself I won't do it....I keep doing it. Keep breaking promises and waking up the next day feeling like I do now, guilty, scared and angry at myself. It has to stop before I loose myself completely and although my husband has been a great support I don't think he truly understands it, to be honest I don't blame him when I don't even understand why I do it myself.
I suppose I just want to feel less alone in this journey.
Anyways sorry if I've rambled on, this is my first post.
Xxx
First of all, try to sort out the personal emotional problems, take your time with healing, dont be too hard on yourslef.. When you try reading something on internet try to read how to overcome things, not to sink even more - basically try not to dwell on negativity. Money will come again, but time not wasted wisely, trust of people, enjoying simple, confidence - that will be a lot harder to overcome. You didnt mention debt, so I assume you havent gone too far. I am gamble free now for 116 days. I also started while depressed and struggling with emotional pain, anger, low self esteem. I basically quit gambling 2017, 1st of May. But relapse when loosing 400 and something this year, 116 days ago - that for me for what I have lost is just a drop in the ocean, but still counts. It does get better. A lot of things in my life changed because I chosed that. I moved from the UK, now living in Switzerland. I love the mentality that the country promotes, love the people, the peace because its not very busy... Its very clean and safe. No bookies and casinos on every corner. Just certain places. Hope you have a great gamble free life
Thanks ever so much for your encouraging words, it really means alot.
I have fell behind with a couple of bills but nothing that can't be sorted within a few weeks (as long as I don't slip up again) I don't own credit cards and would never ever dream of getting a loan or borrowing money to gamble, although if I don't try take control of this just now God only knows how far i could go.
This year has just been so emotionally draining. I'm usually so in control of everything and with the things that has happened this year there was not one thing I could do to change the situations, It was all out of my control and I feel I put up a mental block and sort of lost myself along the way. Now it's the calm after the storm and I just can't seem to get back into the swing of things and find my feet again. I tell myself draw a line under it, stop over thinking the past and look forward but every few weeks, I gamble AGAIN. Just going round and round in circles.
Again thank you so much for your words and reply
Get your husband to be the admin password on your gadgets. That way you won't know the password.
Also get K9 software. It's free and will block all sites. Again get your husband to set it up so he is admin and has the password.
Hello SMC123. I'm sorry to read what's been happening to you. I know where you are coming from, I'm the same. I started out with a view to blocking out the pain of bereavement. Nothing big, just bingo. Then it was slots, tiny deposits but they got bigger. I feel very overwhelmed at times. The gambling no longer numbs my pain and yet I still feel the need to do it. It doesn't snowball, it absolutely avalanches till it gets into every part of your life. On a positive note, it's been under 12 months that the gambling has been a problem for you and I think the longer it goes on the harder it may feel to overcome. I wish I had managed to stop at 12 months. It's now 19 months for me and things re still very hard as I've not stopped for more than a few days. You are a good person and sometimes we end up in situations that we never saw coming until we are actually there. All the best to you.
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