Who have I become?

Hello  cookiedough84

Thank you for sharing your story on the Forum. You have taken a positive and courageous step in registering with Gamstop. I am sure you will receive much support and encouragement from other members in the Forum.

Please remember, that we are here for you 24/7, 365 days a year. If you would like to speak to one of our Advisers for advice, support and a referral for treatment, the telephone number is 0808 8020 133. You can also speak with them on Livechat if you prefer. 

Keep posting and take care of yourself

Elaine

Forum Admin

Really good that you posted this .. I only recently discovered I had a problem with gambling (I haven't gambled for a long time but when I do its big) - my wife figured it out for me and went through my financials to show it.  It was a shock.  But in the end i was mightily relieved she knew ... those around are an enormous source of strength ... the hardest thing is to admit it but when you have done, you can start to move on. 

You know that you feel no-one on here could possibly feel the way you do. Or fully understand how you feel about the enjoyment gambling brings before the misery. I read your post and you know what, that is also me. Euphoria and the abyss......   When I don't gamble, when I get through those days where the temptation is too much to bear, I try and do something to keep busy, to take my mind off it. Come on here and post a little....anything.   Your story is my story mate.  Its a s**t existence when you know you had so much and threw it away but you have to get over the self-recrimination and start again. Draw that line and start again, whats gone is gone (and its 00's thousands for me and it breaks your heart) and you have to let it go because you will only lose more in the long run.  You should never gamble again. Never, or it will start over. Good luck as it is doable but never be tempted even by a small flutter......its a precipice and you will fall into it. 

Thanks Paul and Mick for your replies. Today so far has felt strange, like something is missing. I had my phone assessment at noon which went better than I thought it would and also got me more emotional than I thought it would. I'll be starting online sessions with someone to help me get through this. It's going to be hard, I already miss my bubble and feel nothing will give me that feeling gambling did. Maybe that's a feeling I'll never feel again. Maybe it will be a different feeling that replaces it? I don't know and I know this won't be easy, but I'm going to take it one day at a time. I started a diary here. 

Both your comments helped me feel less alone. I guess I didn't ever stop and think anyone would be able to relate. Thank you. 

I have joined today and your story is the first I’ve read and i totally get it it sounds so much like me, my lack of self control makes me feel sick to my stomach but like you this is the first step to a better life, I haven’t had my phone call yet and a bit nervous about it but reading your story gives me a good feeling about it, good luck