36 years old married 2 kids under 3, full time work currently have a car all the ingredients for a good life?! It should be , but Im an compulsive gambler and an alcoholic.
I 've been on here for years but I keep relapsing maybe going 5-6 months max only to slip back into the insanity.
Savings all gone, debt minimal but will still take a while to pay back and I've not got the backup of savings to rely on if i go on another binge.
My story is v similar to lots of people on here, started off small then progressed and became obessive , my only differenc is , i only gamble when intoxicated , which I quite frequently am! Not paralytic but always under the influence.
As much as i detest gambling and everything it does to me, part of my inner conscience craves it and absoluetly wants it! It can creep up on me and then just bang, always after a few drinks which lowers my willpower
This week end just sums me up! Lost around 5-600 quid last week, came on here and posted thurs/fri feeling good and positive re not gambling , then fri night comes, my wifes at work overnight I get the vodka in, a few drinks , a few more, then the thoughts of , "well actually im due a big win, i deserve it! and i really need it, if only i could spin in a 2k Jackpot, it happened b4 and im overdue a jackpot"! Crazy crazy thoughts, and alas found a site i hadnt self excluded joined it, deposited 400 got back to 400 several hrs later, then went on to blow it all plus another 220. 620 down the drain, gambling until 6am in the morning zombified on my ipad, barely getting up to take a P i ss as i was so engrossed with them reels and waiting on that bonus round ! Addicted oh yeah i sure am.
1 hrs sleep then kids up and feeling like u all know for the entire day! depressed , angry , frustrated, even suicidal. Trapped, scared , and wondering why am i doing this, and how can i stop!
I remember saying to another member im going to leave my cards at home, but then thought whats the point, I already have memorised by 16 digit visa number my expiry date and security code.
Back to the old ways trying to find things to flog in gum tree, sad sight to behold, its the 4th Aug and Im already pleading for pay day to come.
I am a selfish sod, i know that, i know what needs done. Get well spirtually and physically.
COntacted my ex counsellor, got a meeting with him on thurs, and going to come clean with how much alcohol is a problem for me.
I need to lose weight so im going to get walking the dog in the evenings, i also need to get back to AA and find out re some GA meetings.
Sorry for this incoherrent mess but just letting off some steam.
Fed up 🙁
Hey gav I feel ure pain buddy, I'm 25 got a young family,gd job and all seems to be well ,,, (Seems).
Yesterday I went out on this *** in my local workys and the place has a bookies attached, you guessed it , blew the lot, month wage in one night, I promised myself I would not go in there, got P***** went in and spent 350 quid within 10 minutes, and the 100 pound on beer and cigs, I felt so sick instantly and didn't know wat I was going to say to my mates as I had to go home,,,that was the all time low admitting to them and my gf wen I got bk, this is why I joined today..your not alone buddy, so rite now I'm hungover gf thinks I'm a loser can't look at myself in the mirror and just had a payday loan to help me get by,,,,,time to change :/
Hey up Gav,
Bad news about the weekend session. However if like you say you only gamble when intoxicated then thats your way out! Stop drinking or at least when you know your going to drink keep the f**k away from cash machines and plan your route to having a drink & not gambling.
In a sense its a little like my coke problem (I only ever do it when i drink) however when i drink im unable to control the urge,one hand washes the other i would sum it up as. You have a couple of kids and a partner. Which without sounding like a wimp! Is something i envy & would love to have. Although if I carried on how i do now, I would probably encounter problems and resent myself or partner & kids.
You stop the drink for 2 weeks and see if you dont have a bet, thats killing two birds with one stone. You might be bored and irritable but it will pass and the normal things will become good again. I hope you dont think im taking a moral highground. The truth is im a gambling degenerate with drink & drug problems but can see me in others & would like to help.
Good luck
peace
Thanks for the advice and posts folks. Im actually feeling slightly better, though these positive thoughts are soon wiped out in an instant when I think of how stupid i;ve been. I suppose its a balance , I should remember what gamblings done to me and the financial loses but not to the extent where it dominates my life and spirals me into depression.
I've carefully calcuated the financial constraints for the next month , Im actually off on annual leave next week so I know i'll spend more than normal but basically this week and the week after next im on a ultra strict budget.
Yes planning on the ease up on drink Heisenberg thanks for suggesting it, tonight which is a normal drinking night as wife works, im not going to drink, simple as that. Get the kids off to bed then going to get an old box set of the Soprano's out and watch some episodes.
Havent gambled since fri night so need to keep this run up. Didnt get walking the dog last night as wife was out but i plan to that on Wednesday night and then counselling on thursday.
Hey up,
Yeah man sounds good,check out the second season with the sports shop owner. I remember watching these episodes way before I ever gambled & it scared the cr** out of me!!The way (think he's called Davey scetino) can't stop when he's ahead & ends up destitute & lucky to be alive! (Love the sopranos)
Might be a tad unrealistic to go cold turkey on the booze completely so make sure if you do drink-that the iPad is not with you & you are not by yourself.I drink alone & it's easier to bet with no remorse when it goes wrong .Take that dog out,love taking the Labrador out on walks,maybe have a beer when you've no reception on the phone/iPad so you can't have a flutter!!
Good luck man
Yeah remember that guy, he played in the all the poker games and kept borrowing money, another addict like ourselves. Actually ended up having a few last night, dangerously went hunting on my ipad to self exclude sites which I done and no gambling took place. Still on my strict budget, tonight is dog walking night, I also have a yellow lab hes a bit nuts. Watching season 3 cracker episode Pine Barrens (11th episode) I nearly P issed myself laughing some of the scenes. Anyway hope all good with you. gamble free 5 days or so.
haha nice one,
The pine barrens one of the best episodes! Pauly Walnuts 'hes an interior decorater!!! Getting there i guess if you had a few and didnt splurge!! Keep up the good work
Bc
lol yeah that was a classic! Yeah still all good another day without a gamble and seeing counsellor at lunch today, onwards and upwards and all that,,
Hope all good with yourself?
Allright Gav,
Yeah not doing to badly. I had a slight wobble last weekend but could pinpoint that to extreme boredom!!Been keeping busy since so have literally just had a couple off bets in the last two weeks which is progress. Still got to be vigilant though all it wouild take i reckon is a lucky/succesful bet & the cycle of shame would inevitably begin once again. So its more gym & work to keep me busy. Still does feel good to wake and not have to do a quick think as to how much ive blown the night before!!
Oh the life we lead!
Yeah boredom is also a major factor for me gambling! Its all or nothing for me, i know that one gamble will lead to a binge.
Good session with Counsellor y day, already knew but going to have to put a lot of work into this, more you put in, more u get out!
Talked about MultiModal Therapy http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/mmt.htm
and my thought processes. V Interesting so going to spend some time looking at this.
Wk end approaching and off on annual leave next week , so have to got be vigliant !
Yeah I agree the last week has been nice to wake up without the fog of how much did I lose? Though am having some pretty crazy dreams to say the least, probably my reward part of my brain protesting at the lack of adrenaline!
Week tomorrow without a bet,
Suicide seems appropriate another week of drink gambling I hate myself I hate my selfishness I only think of myself , I'm maxed out on both accounts I've blown all of my savings I wish I was dead , holding up my 1 yr old kid I look into his eyes and think he deserves better which is why I must go on , gambling ruins life's and being an alcoholic and smoker doesn't help , I lost my sister to alcoholism I'm on the same track , wish I was normal wish I'd wake up and realise this was just one big nightmare , I wish I stayed away from that first bet , I hope anyone that's thinking about gambling reads this and see what this disease does to you , I wish I can recover I'm running out of willpower I just want to drink myself into oblivion and thus the cycle goes on , insanity and madness I'm well on my way
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