A new challenge to see how the addiction was

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brownie889
(@brownie889)
Posts: 119
Topic starter
 

5 years ago I joined Gamstop, I stopped going into bookmakers, something to this day I still don't do, did once pop into one for a chat with someone who worked behind the counter to see how they were then walked put again. I have luckily got gambling under control... Is the addiction still there? Absolutely but things are a million miles better than they were.

The last few years my partner has had a gambling account which I use with her permission (she doesn't gamble and has no interest in it) the account was purely for me but in her control so I had to ask for permission to deposit and she would always know of any deposits.

I rarely deposited but was on the site most days playing free games etc then playing around with whatever I won until it was either lost or withdrawn if I got upto a certain amount.

This made me wonder how much have I gambled the last few months without actually depositing? To my surprise it was still in the hundreds most months, had it cost me anything? No.. but the addiction was still ticking over. 

So yesterday I closed the account... no more daily visits to the site. Is this the end of me gambling? No I don't fully think so, we have an evening at the races booked this summer to see a band my partner always wanted to see and we missed tour tickets.. again with her there everything is under control I know my limits everything is agreed before hand, we did similar when her family wanted to go to the dogs and it made for a great night where even if I lost I didn't care as it was budgeted for.

The challenge now is to see how this affects me daily? How bad was the addiction? How much did I need the daily free spin etc? 

Let's see what the future holds, I'm lucky to have great support around me that I know can help me manage things, after the evening at the races let's see if we can be gamble free for a while

All the best to everyone out there

 

 
Posted : 14th April 2024 4:36 pm
cpparch
(@cpparch)
Posts: 122
 

Hey, 

I guess that’s great you’re in control and you can still ‘gamble’ on a different level. 

For me it’s all or nothing. I tried (and often failed) a huge amounts of times to stop. I got to 5 months GF and thought I was ok, be in control of it. Within a day I was back to my old gambling habits and worse!

As of today though I am now 263 days GF! I won’t even buy a raffle ticket, lottery ticket or even do the postcode lottery or anything minor like that, because I just know it could possibly (very likely!!) lead on to bad times again! 

Well done for taking control though 💪🏼 

 

This post was modified 1 month ago by cpparch
 
Posted : 14th April 2024 9:08 pm
brownie889
(@brownie889)
Posts: 119
Topic starter
 

@cpparch thank you, 

I guess where I have control is because I put that control Into someone else's hands, if it was all still in my hands then it probably wouldn't be the same story.

Well done on being GF for so long and finding what works right for you!

All the best 

 
Posted : 14th April 2024 9:16 pm
(@j5a6meyr4z)
Posts: 155
 

Control is key Brownie. 👍. Thousands of people gamble in a controlled manner which does not leave them penniless and in thousands of debt and, they enjoy it.  For those of us who know that no matter how much we win, (myself included), this win only acts as a lone, then I feel it best to just not gamble at all. 🙂.

It sounds like you have such a supportive and sensible partner and a good agreement in place that does not seem to be harming either of you in any way?

Take care and stay strong and in control of your actions.

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.

 
Posted : 14th April 2024 10:59 pm
(@dave101)
Posts: 311
 

I think you should go to a physical GA meeting and meet some people in recovery to get a idea of the bigger picture.

 

Just for today I will not gamble and be fooled into thinking salmon goes pink in the tin. 

 

Dave101

 
Posted : 15th April 2024 3:12 am
brownie889
(@brownie889)
Posts: 119
Topic starter
 

@j5a6meyr4z thanks Pink Lady

Yeah very supportive which is why I decided to close the account In her name. Feel after these years I owe it to her to make the break.

I'm very fortunate to be one of the lucky ones that can still be around gambling. I have a friend at work who got me Into gambling who still struggled massively, sadly he doesn't want to accept any help or see it as an addiction he just sees it as a hobby. No matter how low he has gotten or the support me and many others at work have offered we can't get him to see it.

 
Posted : 15th April 2024 5:20 am
brownie889
(@brownie889)
Posts: 119
Topic starter
 

@dave101 I know all about the bigger picture, I have been on here for a number of years, reading what gambling does to alot of people. I have taken part in various media when I was younger looking into the affects of mobile gambling in young people. I see everyday at work the affects it has on someone who can only see it as a hobby and not an addiction, who virtually has nothing apart from a rented accommodation as most their wages go to gambling, despite me sending him gamstop, gamban, GA meeting information etc he sadly doesn't want to stop.

I started gambling in my late teens and really lost control in my early 20s losing alot more than I could afford, for me the question was is it my relationship with gambling that is the issue or am I gambling because of my relationship issues.. When my relationship ended the gambling just seem to slowly stop, I replaced it with various things but I also got help through gamcare, counselling etc. I'm extremely lucky that as I matured I realised the affects of gambling on myself and those around me.

Like I said in my post I have realised that even though I wasn't depositing money through my partners account I was still on there daily "playing around" I accept that the only reason I have probably stayed in control is the fact I gave that control to someone else. I had to answer to them. Now I have decided to close that account to see how it feels to not be able to go on it every day and to really find out where I am nowadays with the relationship to gambling addiction.

All steps are positive, everyone has a different relationship with gambling and it has affected so many people in a tragic way. 

All the best 

 
Posted : 15th April 2024 5:36 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1749
 

Hi

I use to think that Gambling hurt me.

The Gambling never made me do any thing I did not want to do.

In time I got to understad that addictions and obsessions just indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.

I use to think that the recovery program was going to fix me and make me a much healthier person.

I now understand that the recovery program was going to make me aware of how unhealthy I was.

It was then my choice to take each unealthyhabit and exchange those unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

Only once I was abale to sbstain from my unhealthy habits of self harm and self destruction could I become more productive and think things out more clearly.

I use to say I have to, did that imply that I did things for unhealthy reasons.

At what point would I understand my needs my wants and my goals.

That is achieving more in my life I became far more productive and did things for healthy reasons.

Being seriously invested in to a healthy programm helped me do more with my time.

Procrastination is a very unhealthy habit.

Why do people procrastinate, is it low self esteem, is it low self confidence, feeling unworthy, is it fear based, before my recovery I felt so incompedant and so unworthy.

At what point did I get my a*s in to gear and become motivated in healthy ways.

Meeting with another person helps us see our full potential.

Humbling I use to think was about was about underming my self esteem.

Humbling my self now I understood helped us feel equal to all people in the rooms of recovery, that was powerful.

Who is to say how we reach our full ptoential.

I use to fear computers and then found a job working on a computer, yes sure.

Now computers are a tool for me to work with.

I have achieved so much more over coming and facing my fears.

Why fear computers they could not hurt me.

The more we achieve the more confidence we get.

I use to think that success was about having lots of money and now understand that my success is about my healthy woards and my healthy actions.

I found it very difficult to say to my self I did a good job.

Sadly I was often my worst enemy I could not give my self any kind of credit.

The recovery program is not about thinking we are bad evel or stupid.

The recovery program is about healing our pains, that before recovery I was very much unhealthy and did not know it.

One person once said he was glad that he was a compulsive gambler.

He said had it not been for his addiction he would never have found out how unhealthy he was. 

The most important things in my life today is time and very healthy relationships.

At one time I use to thtink that I loved gambling.

With investing my time and effort in to the recovery I and my family are the beneficiary.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

 
Posted : 15th April 2024 12:10 pm
(@thisisruiningmylife)
Posts: 134
 

Yes will not be touching gambling at all. It just doesn't work 1p or 1 million. The outcome is the same. Dont touch the fire 

 
Posted : 15th April 2024 3:05 pm

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