I have been on this site on a off for the past few years. I have been to hell and frankly the only reason why I'm still alive is because I'm a coward. I'm 38, was brought up in care and children's homes. My mum is schizophrenic and my dad was a compulsive gambler who dies at the age of 51 when I was 19. My childhood was tough but my battle with gambling has took me to the point of trying to gas myself and with a noose round my neck last Christmas. I realised I might have a problem when I was 30 and went to my first meeting but couldn't relate to the others there. Since then I have self-excluded, Bought a blocking software for my laptop, spoken to counsellors, read countless books on overcoming gambling. I have really tried but keep relapsing. Christmas 2011 I became homeless and was in a homeless shelter for a month and then after being free from gambling for 6 months last year I relapsed again. I wrote all my suicide notes etc but couldn't do it. Fast forward to now. I have accepted that my clinical depression is my major trigger to gambling so have sought help for that. I am now going to gambling anonymous and have been gambling-free for just over a month. I realise that if I relapse again it could be a death sentence. I am more determined than I've ever been and hope that my story will inspire other younger gamblers to stop now. I never intended on being a compulsive gambler. I started being very sensible but over the years all that goes out of the window until you have nothing but debt and despair. I never thought I would have made the same mistakes that my dad made. 2014 will be my first year free from gambling since I was about 10.
Hi canterburymale, well done on 1 month free. You seem determined to beat this and that will carry you through. I am 25 and having read this I have an added desire to stay bet free this year and banish this daemon for good.
There is a lot more to life than gambling, and a lot of it doesn't cost money, take walks, enjoy simple things in life, make other people happy, pay someone a compliment the rewards are twofold. Good luck battling depression, just remember there are many people out there to help and support.
All the best, keep us up to date how things are going.
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