Hello all,
This gambling lot sure has a way of creeping back constantly.
As I sit here I have over £1000 in notes on my desk, you would think i'm doing well in recovery with that money safe away from the temptations of online gambling.
Towards the end of last year I had 6 months gamble free. Then had a mini slip at the start of December. It was no big deal, I knew I had just done 6 months gamble free, so I can do 6 months again. In a way I saw a barrier that was not in place and had a weak moment. I put the barrier firmly in place.
Now to give me a bigger boost I knew it was new year soon. I wanted to go into 2014 and have the whole year gamble free...
That lasted 10 days.... I'll pause there for a second and give some side info.
I unfortunately have social anxiety. Basically that means no social skills. I'm great with people if I have known them a while and feel comfortable around them. However its being able to get them as a friend to begin with that's the problem. As a result, I have no friends at all. Honestly, not a single 1.
This means I have to make more effort than most to get by in life. Lets say as an example I somehow meet a girl, but the dates don't work out. Most guys will say "Oh well, i'll just go out with my mates at the weekend and meet someone else". Not me though, I will be totally gutted that a chance has gone as I know another chance wont come along soon. Even though I am far from a bad looking guy.
As another example, let's say a family member died. I couldnt just meet my mates to talk to about it or cheer me up. I literally have to say to myself "yeah they died, oh well, forget about it".
Anyway, i'll mention that again shortly but back to the slip...
Something like the above examples happened, I was feeling pretty cr**. The only things I have to make me feel better in the past were gambling or alcohol. I cant drink any more because I feel depressed for days after... So I found a way to gamble and won £200.
You know the rest... 2 days later, boom. Gambled again, lost £500.
The win was never going to last. I know I cant stop until I lose... Then its a mini rock bottom and I lose the temptation to gamble for another x amount of months.
Blocks are all in place, I have to handle my card and my own money because there's nobody else to handle it for me.
I know I will do many months gamble free now. Maybe I will even completely succeed and never gamble again.
Back to the social anxiety and this is what utterly P*sses me off.
As a long term plan to give my gambling recovery the best chance, I need to find new hobby's and goals right?? Been there, tried it... and i'll just give you a few examples:
- Indoor football (and other sports like tennis)... Nope, no friends or anyone to do those things with.
- Theres a good festival in Spain I wanted to go to this year.... Cant, bookings are for a minimum of 2 people.
- Last minute holidays... Nope, going on my own would include a hefty premium.
I could go on for hours, but I wont. Although I will say that if anyone says join a group or a club.... Tried it. Theres nothing around my area.
So thats me. Battling through things
Hi Stop4Good, welcome back to the Forum, i'm sorry that it isn't in better circumstances,
I gambled for twenty years before stopping around six years ago. I also suffer from social anxiety so we have trodden similar paths my friend.
Alcohol was, and is to a certain extent, the answer for me - but I can't overdo it all the time either, and there are cetain situations, like walking down the street or at work, where it is unavoidable.
There are certain things you can do to push yourself, and there are certain things you can do to help what you are going through my friend. SAD can knock your confidence desperately, so it is really important to try and seperate the two.
I say this enormously respectfully my friend, but your reasons for not following through with what you want to do aren't hugely strong; if the answers aren't in your area, then you need to expand your radius, or even think about moving somewhere where there is a greater focus on community and socialising. There are always options with package deals - if you are travelling alone, there are hostels and hotel rooms for singles where you wouldn't necessarily have to pay a premium; i'm sure that, if you looked hard enough, you would come up with something my friend.
I find that with SAD, you have to push yourself, you have to almost force yourself at times - the good thing is that you rarely regret going somewhere or doing something when you are there or afterwards.
Sometimes, it works to embrace SAD. The best method or techinique of dealing with it that I have encountered is just travelling on a train to somewhere remote and just walk and think for hours; nothing works better for me - I take as long as it takes and then come back less stressed, less anxious, more relaxed and more capable of dealing with life, as well as gambling. I couldn't recommend anything more.
Another thing was being healthy in mind, body and soul - eating well, sleeping well and regular exercise made things easier; it boosted my confidence and made me feel better around people; it is so hard sometimes, I appreciate that and there are days where you just want to lock yourself away from everyone, but there are always options my friend, always.
I have walked many miles in your shoes my friend - I have felt the same way as you, many, many times - it is so easy to resign yourself to your fate; it happens to the best of us. If you have tried things, then try again, if you are interested in doing things, then exhaust every single option, whether it is local to you or not.
I wish you well my friend. I can indentify with how you are feeling so very much, and I may well have been posting something very similar some time ago. This doesn't make me any better than you, I just want you to put more into following through with things and, if things didn't work out for you first time around, then try again and keep trying - there is a life out there for you my friend; you may have to force yourself or move, but that is ok, that is fine if it means you are going to be happy, and there is every chance you will be.
JamesP
If you have stopped gambling for six years after 20 you can stop again...
As for social skills, well that covers a lot of stuff, nobody lives their lives like a friends tv series in real. Unless you have some kind of physical condition that is.
As for social anxiety accordimg to Wikipedia " life experiences can be another cause of social anxiety. Negative experiences in life, and the way one handles and reacts to them, can also lead to the development of social anxiety. If one is consistently put in situations that make him or her feel inferior or fear the judgment of other people, he or she can begin to develop negative beliefs about himself or herself and the world that can cause social anxiety. This then promotes avoidance of situations that may provoke anxiety, which causes one to miss the opportunity to prove their negative assumptions about themselves wrong"
On the other hand if you prefer your own company then that's quite normal too despite the modern mantra. Deal with the gambling, maybe you will feel happier and you might want to socialise more, if you want to, not because some people tell you its what you have to do.
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