Done

katniss 1, have you spoken to your mortgage company or anyone regarding debt management? 2 missed payments before this in the mind of a gambler is torture, we think the only way out is to get the money back gambling & even if it does occur to us that that never fixed the problem before, we always convince ourselves that this time it will be different, only it never is 🙁 If you set your bills up to come out on payday, the money would not be there to lose! The more stressed you are, the harder it is to fight the gambling urges & you have to be strong to fight them off!

Please get some help with your debt & see if Gamcare can't help you beat the gambling. It might not feel it (I really do so hope it's not too late to save your house) but this heavy loss may be the kick you need to beat these Demons! Be strong - ODAAT

Thank you for your post. I already had an arrangement set up for the first two and was told that if I didn't meet it they would start action. I also can't make my DMP payment which means breaking that too. I'd worked so hard to get myself back on track and blew it all because I got paid early for Christmas.

i have been with a friend this morning and may have come up with a solution but it's not guaranteed so I'm sat in a state of unknown right now. Not what I want just before Christmas.

ive had too many chances. I feel like I don't deserve anything. Luckily I have quite a bit of equity in my house do if I do have to sell at least I'll be able to pay my debts off and won't be homeless, just ashamed.

katniss 1, I really hope your solution comes through for you! Being forced to sell when you are in this dark place is very dangerous...& speak from experience! Slightly different for me but years ago, I convinced myself I needed to downsize, you know, get myself straight, bit of money in the bank so I could gamble without the stress of trying to pay the money back...I mean seriously, what kind of a mindset it that? I knew I was going to lose the money so why would I carry on gambling? What on earth was I gambling for if I had thousands in the bank? Madness utter madness 🙁 Anyway, you know the story...It all went & more & since my gambling had progress to fixed odd terminals from the £2 max stake in the Bingo & fruit machine shops I ended up in a hell of a lot more debt than I started!

Do everything you can to find a solution & more importantly get help fighting this addiction - you are vulnerable right now & stress makes the gambling Demons strong! Is there anyway that your friend would look after your cards for you? I know that would potentially be embarrassing but it may help until you are in a position of strength & can manage again on your own - ODAAT

Hey, thanks again for your message.

I'm 50/50 that this solution will work but even if it does it will fail if I continue to gamble. I have agreed with my friend that she will monitor my bank statements. I would be too ashamed to let them see the truth so hopefully that will help me stop. ( I'm also going to replace the mobile I use to a cheap one that I can't gamble on. An I don't own a laptop.)

She was the first person I told about this and it was such a relief that at least one person knows the truth. Lying is one of the things I hate most about this and especially how good I seem to have become at it.

im pretty determined now to do whatever it takes to get back to the real me. Even if that does mean selling up.

thanks again for responding. So what's your story?

Now that's an ask...Almost 3 decades of story (fruit machines) that I just haven't had time to commit to here yet (I started my recovery diary with the help of an American site that I was not able to post on so it is on paper). I was also loathe to do so initially as it is sooo long but I have been asked a few times now so have promised myself that I will do it before the year is out!

It's disturbing how manipulative I became so I completely get you about the lying! Hopefully you are here to stay now, I will subscribe to your thread & let you know when I put my diary on - You never know, it may help you sleep one night instead of counting sheep 😉

Welcome to recovery - ODAAT

Hey ODAAT

Thanks for your post. Sorry it took so long to reply, hope you had a good Christmas. I would be keen to read your full story, let me know when you have posted it.

I got my solution in place but as ever had a slip. A pretty major one. I feel like I'm never going to get past it. I still have enough to save the house and just about get by but it will be very hard and that's only if I need slip again.

Ive had so many second chances. I really don't know how to stop : (

That's the difference now, it's a slip not an every day occurrence & sounds like you managed to stop before losing every last penny?! It may not feel like it but try not to be too sad, this is progress 🙂

Can you use any other blockers? This isn't an easy fight & so often our good intentions fly out of the window once we are over the pain of the last loss & decide we must try & back those losses?!? You need to have as many 'road blocks' in place as possible in these early days until you figure out how to combat the urges when they come!

Selling the house before you have this gripped is dangerous...You must stay strong & figure this out! What will you do with the equity? Are you like me, so deep that the only reason you want to be rich is so you can gamble?

There's no simple solution to how to stop as we are all different, for me, I had to accept that I was never going to control it & choose 'no'! Everytime I get urges, I choose 'no', one second @ a time if I have to!

You are here because you want help, any professional will tell you that's the most important step in overcoming addiction...Never give up giving up - ODAAT

Hi katniss1, here for 2 reasons:

1) Letting you know I've posted my recovery diary...Not my 3 decades of story as not quite sure how to start that but I promised I'd let you know

2) Hoping you are doing ok & staying strong - ODAAT

Hey ODAAT, happy new year! Thank you for putting your diary up, I read it all. Well done on 153 days, that's such an achievement based on your gambling history. You must be very proud of yourself. I can't wait to get to day 153!

I am on day 7 gamble free. I have enough money to get me to the end of the month and am feeling quite confident. I'm starting to accept there is nothing I can do about what has happened in the past. I started as an escape gambler, gave it up and then became a guilt gambler, trying to win money back to pay off the people I owe. Not letting that guilt consume me is going to be the key to my recovery. I can't change the past but I can make up for it now. I have a plan that I will update you on in a few days. Hope you're having a happy, gamble free day x

Well I lasted till today. So upset with myself. I had everything in place, all my direct debits set up etc but because of how pay day has fallen all direct debits due out tomorrow which left me too much money in the bank.

Dont know what to do now. I feel like I'm never going to beat this demon : (

just glad I was sensible enough to pay the mortgage today. One less thing to worry about.

ODAAT if you're still about some words of wisdom would be much appreciated xx

Just self excluded from every site I can think of.

Feel sick and ashamed and scared.

Well done Katniss. Now download that blocking software K9 is free getting somebody else to set the password. Being proactive will empower you