Feeling A Little 'Lost/Empty'

Its a good post that AndyJ.

I know what you mean. Its a great feeling of breaking out then I look around me for what normal is. I have felt slightly empty but Im putting that down to a lack of direction in finding something worthwhile to do.

Its seems like having a prison regime then suddenly being free but not quite sure how to handle that freedom

I had got bored with people and what I saw as mundane shopping tasks. Thats me though and I sometimes wonder if Ive been in a state of madness for years. I think I was looking for a manic gambling high just to feel above depressed

Its still the same grey town but Im joining the gym for some confidence/defence training. I suppose normal is the things other people do like having a coffee before getting the train to work.

I dont want time on my hands which was lethal for me. Ive upped my collecting at home and I must plan some cycle day trips. Im looking for fun things to do which keep me upbeat. I dont need a manic high but just a clear horizon and pleasant feelings

Thank you for the informative feedback Joydivider. Good to see someone that can relate to this (almost starting to think I was alone!)

I understand exactly where you are coming from. As I could never honestly say I am no longer susceptible, I feel I am at a place where this addiction is significantly reduced and no longer consumes my day to day life. I feel as I have broken free and almost need something to fill this vacancy that the need for gambling used to fill. I don't quite think I knew any different as I am now 23 and have been gambling since I was 17 so my mind and body are trying to adjust to quote 'normality'.

For me personally, it isn't exactly due to nothing to do, I have an amazing relationship and currently studying hard in my last year of university. I more felt the emptyness because of a lack of direction and almost freedom I suppose. I have also found that my other emotions have been heightened recently which I'm not totally sure what that is down to (i'm no doctor)

Wow, I can totally relate to that. I felt exactly the same thing. Almost as if it was insanity for all these years and I had been so blinkered by the fictitious life to almost lose grip of what reality was about. I find that sometimes the easiests of tasks can cause so much hassle due to motivation issues, almost like a withdrawal symtpon again of not getting this 'high'.

That's amazing to hear, the gym is certainly a good way to blow off some steam and actually found that quite beneficial at the start of my recovery as I was able to focus on another defined task and almost replace the 'escapism' that gambling fulfiled previously. Yeah, 'normality' to me isn't actually a thing, it's what others around us perceive normal and what the media and society tell us to do.

With regards to the time aspect mentioned, I totally agree, having free time will only result in me spending extended time with my thoughts which sometimes can be my worst enemy so keeping busy is always a must. I'm more than engrossed in day to day activities but sometimes end up having that spare couple of minutes which I need to be careful with.

I'm actually really thankful for you sharing your thoughts on that, I would like to know a little more about your recovery and how you're feeling in general. Look forward to speaking to you soon. Hope all is well.

Andy (Compulsive gambler)

Hi andy

I had similar experience when I opened up to my gf 3 years ago.

Firstly, by unburdening we free ourselves from anguish and cycles of negative experiencing. We can start noticing things with our 5 senses as we move from the mind into actual living.

also, if we can stop gambling (and not replace with another distraction) we will find ourselves dealing with emotions- in contrast we sought escape from our emotions through gambling. I believe addiction is a symptom of our unwillingness to experience difficult emotions (and thoughts)

So sometimes it might feel like sensory or emotional overload. I would say go with it. Embrace. Experiencing these things make us feel more 'alive'and 'connected' qualities I value.

Consider what is important to you (values) and who, and make moves in that direction.

I'll stop myself there:-)

Best wishes

Louis

Hi Louis,

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. It's actually really satisfying to know that somebody else has been through this.

That's exactly it, I feel as if I am overwhelmed by emotions at time where before to solve this I would gamble to escape where now I face the tougher prospect of actually dealing with them. I am learning to emabrace it and feel that the conversation that I had has drastically improved my mood and anxiety towards this addiction.

I have a clear defined list of what values I want to be associated with and who I want to share them with so I am pursuing those in all ways possible.

Many thanks for sharing again.

Andy (Compulsive gambler)

Yep Thanks.

I had a chat with a young doctor yesterday which was helpful. Then you book a service through the IAPT prescription.

It was good to talk and I mentioned the gambling as part of the depression. Clearly on the tick list I have most of the symptoms of anxiety and depression.

This is something that all gamblers should look in to because we develop and act on constant feelings of melancholy or depression.

Unemployment played into a gambling addiction because my mind wanted to connect gaining money with an activity even if it was dangerous.

All gambling did was add to those problems.

Facing life is what Im about now. Whatever it brings I will deal with. Most importantly I will be gamble free