Feeling helpless

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Beck
 Beck
(@beck2131)
Posts: 3
Topic starter
 

I am in a relationship with the most wonderful and supportive partner I could wish for. But I think I may have pushed him too far this time.. 

Last month, I gambled my entire wage within 2 hours of being paid. After days of trying to get the money back and applying for loans to cover my tracks, I eventually came clean and told my partner everything. He was understandably angry and disappointed. But he said he wanted to help me get better and would stand by me through this. It was a hard month, I didn't have a penny to contribute to the bills or our living expenses. I told my partner I would change my bank details at work so in future my wage would go straight into his account. I set this up, however it wasn't done in time for my next payday. 

I was paid on Thursday night, and withing 1 hour my wage was gone. The next day my partner asked me to transfer my money to him as previously agreed. I lied and said I hadn't been paid and I was actually getting paid on Monday. I thought this would at least give me the weekend to sort it out. Now it's Monday, and I don't have a single penny in my bank account and my boyfriend keeps reminding me to send him my wage before I have chance to gamble it away. I have no money for bills or food or petrol to get to work. Never mind for debt repayments.

How do I tell him that I did it again? I don't think I have it in me, especially because of all of the lying. He will definitely leave me this time and I don't blame him. I just don't want him to have another month like last month. I wish there was something I could do. I'm sat at work now and I'm scared to go home. I want it all to end. I hate myself. I love him so much and he doesn't deserve this any more. 

Sorry, I don't know why I'm posting this here. I just feel sick and helpless.

 
Posted : 26th February 2024 3:54 pm
(@stace)
Posts: 437
 

Reading this, is like reading myself writing it. I used to do the same and each time my partner was so so hurt and angry but he stood by me. It won't be easy but you'll have to tell him. Even if you send him a text and tell him what you've done before you go home. 

Do you gamble online. If you do, sign up to gamstop , its stops you being able to gamble online, also install gamban on your devices. Put as much blocks on as you can. Maybe even sit with your other half whilst you do it so he can see your trying. 

It won't be easy but it can be done. I used to gamble every single Monday when I got paid but I now haven't gambled for 195 days.

There is a chatroom on here at 8pm each evening if you would like to talk to others that understand what your going through. Hope it goes OK for you. Stay strong 

 
Posted : 26th February 2024 6:48 pm
(@fqyneax0vw)
Posts: 7
 

Hi 

I really hear myself in your comments and I want you to know things can get better. Your an addict and we do lie, this doesn't make you a bad person, you need help. The problem is you didn't get any help after last month, just saying don't do it again isn't easy for an addict

 I stopped gambling 19 years ago and ive had two relapses  in this time. I would join gamstop for 5 years then you want gamble, I'd also download gamban on all your devices. Therapy could help to and also block gambling transactions on your bank. 

Do you really think he will leave you.? Because my partner said this and didn't leave, In fact it was the build up of me telling him that was worse then the results of me telling him. I won't lie him looking at me that way was horrible but we have to take the consequences of our actions 

This is just the start of your journey but life will get better I promise , you need to fight this addiction, you can do it. 

 

 
Posted : 26th February 2024 7:16 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1717
 

Hi

I like many people did not stop gambling on day one of going to meetings.

Each time I gambled it was important to keep going to meetings.

In time I handed over all of my  money and all of my finaces to my wife.

I felt like a child who was being punished.

No the simple truth was I could not be trusted with money on my person.

I learned how to abstain from gambling.

I learned how to value money.

I got to unstand that money was just the fuel for my addictions.

I learned also that the addictions and obsessions indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.

Once I was able to abstain only then was I able to learn how to heal my pains.

I was I able to learn how to reduce my fears and face my fears.

I was I able to learn how to reduce my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

I was I able to learn how to reduce being a loner and start to embrace healthy intimacy.

I was I able to learn how to stop procrastinating and become more productive in my life.

I was I able to learn how to write down my healthy needs and how to write down my healthy wants.

I was I able to learn how to write down my healthy goals.

I was I able to learn how to give up saying I have to.

I then was able to say I have a need. 

I then was able to say I have a want.

To learn how to understand my motives actions and my healthy ways of expressing and how to articulate my self.

 

 
Posted : 26th February 2024 9:42 pm
Beck
 Beck
(@beck2131)
Posts: 3
Topic starter
 

Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply to me. It so good to hear I'm not on my own and other have been in this situation too. It's just so hard to see clearly when you're in the midst of it. I took the plunge and told my partner and he took it so much better than I thought he would. He's obviously disappointed and he's worried about not knowing how to help me, but him leaving me was never even a question. I am very very lucky to have him. 

I have already signed up to Gamstop but I am terrible at purposely manipulating my details to get around it. To the point I probably wouldn't be able to withdraw any winnings anyway as I can't verify my accounts. I'll try to download gamban again and see if this helps. After posting this I actually received a date for my first appointment with the NHS Gambling Service. It feels like this time I might actually stop for good. 

Its funny how quickly your attitude can change with the right support. I was ready for giving up this afternoon and now I'm feeling a lot more positive. Thank you so much Stace & Becky xx

 
Posted : 26th February 2024 10:21 pm
(@fqyneax0vw)
Posts: 7
 

@beck2131 im so please you're OK and your partner is being supportive. Things can get better now , you should be proud of the steps you took today. I wish you lots of luck xx

 
Posted : 26th February 2024 10:34 pm

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