Feeling like ending it...

Hi LInziluv,

Just sending a quick note of encouragement here. You've seen that you've got support, and your partner is willing to work through this with you, which is good news. You're not alone and it's good to know that. You really can get over this, but it might take some time. Please accept that gambling will never work out for you, and your life is only going to get better without it. Things can get easier, but you'll have to be a bit patient. I'm glad that you've rung us and gotten referred to counselling; that will hopefully help you and give you some needed support, as will GA. If you ever just need a bit of support in the moment and want to chat, we're here for that as well.

Hang in there, and well done for the work you've done so far.

Travis

Hi Lin :))

Without trying to state the obvious you have to just stop what your doing !.

It won't get any better unless you take that leap of faith and start changing your life one step at a time and start learning the art of no longer having gambling in your life . I know what a scary thought that can be as 2 yrs ago I was exactly where you are now , including the very real thoughts of as you put it " Ending it all " but just as I was told then by someone much wiser than myself "It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem " and it will get better but you just have to really want it to:)).

Take some credit that youv'e already sorted councilling and GA , that's a great step and I would advise you to take as much from it all as you need , everything will help get you through those first weeks and months , including sticking close to the forum as it will help you get your feelings out , not to mention the great support of others who know exactly what your going through :)).

The money youv'e lost can always through hard work be replaced but our addiction is more about changing our thinking and learning to appreciate what we already have than gambling for a dream that doesn't usually happen . I lived for gambling for many years , alway's believing that just one more winning bet would be all it takes to change my life for the better , the trouble is that very thing just keeps us in the cycle of win, lose , more debt and it's not until you actually stop gambling and realise that by continuing going down that route we just create more of the same problems for ourselves :((.

No one said it's easy but we can make less difficult by just letting go of all the losses and just accepting that Gambling has beat us , if you allow it to win but this time with your blessing then there's really no reason to go back and try and beat it again is there ? .

Stay strong and fight this fight :))

Best wishes

Alan

I know how how you are feeling I've felt like it before just stay strong and put blocks in place. Your braver than me I can't tell. My partner.

Thanks everyone for the advice. im struggling with words at the minute I'm feeling that emotionally drained. Partner flips between being ok then calling me horrific names and making me feel as awful as he can. I know I've done wrong but I don't deserve to be abused do I? I've had my rent team ring today but I'm too scared to answer. I'm going to get evicted aren't I? I'm in such a mess haven't slept or eaten in days.

Nobody deserves to be abused in any form Lin and if that's the case then you need tobe as honest as you can be with him in telling him exactly how that's making you feel right now , that being said how would you react if you found out your OH was doing the same and that you'd come clean once then only to do the same thing again ? , He must be hurting and confused just as much as you are . All the time were in that loop of destruction all that matters to us a gamblers is the next bet and Bollx to anyone else , we lose all sense of feeling to the way what we do affects our loved ones , we become numb to pain and sorrow because it's all about us right ? . He needs space and time to come to terms with this and you need to be open , honest and transparent with everything , it won't change overnight but it will get better with time .

The same applies with your rent issues , you need to talk with people you owe money to or speak with citizens advice , if things are that bad then maybe give someone like Stepchange a ring regarding a repayment plan ? , you need things to be doable and look at the long term plan .

I kno wyour heads gonna be all over the place at the moment , that happens to us all when things come crashing down around us but take it one day and one step at a time and deal with what you have to in order of priority and roof over your head and food in your stomach is the starting point to look after you ! .

Hey Linz,

No you don't deserve the abuse but it's a lot to digest when you tell someone you've put loans in their name without them knowing and lied for a period of time.

Have a honest chat with your partner let him know your sorry but him being abusive doesn't help. Maybe you could suggest a therapy session together. It's both of you in this situation now he's aware so it's only fair he has his opportunity to vent you just need to come up with a way that it's not by being abusive to you.

All the best

Conradnose

check out my blog www.conradnose.com

Hi linziluv86

It's important that you pick yourself up, I've had those feelings you have, not going as far as suicidal but the lowest above that. It's got to be something that your partner understands you have a problem, you don't deserve abuse through it though, you need help, not being put down further. It's good that he knows as I couldn't tell anyone at first, my partner found out which was a relief. The reason to stop, it's been a hard few weeks but honestly it gets easier. I'm now 49 days gf, Ive been gambling ever since I was old enough to be honest, around 20 years. I've been to my first councilling session this week, they told me you cannot change the past or get the lost money back, but what you can do is control what happens now and your future, it is an addiction like an addict to smoking, alcohol or drug abuse, it's just not recognised as much or people just think it's that easy to stop gambling. Like other people have said, have an honest conversation with your partner, be truthful and honest in everything you say, doesn't matter how hard it is, you will feel better for it believe me, I did, I've started telling my close friends for extra support which helps massively, they will not judge, they'll be there for you just to listen. Your partner might say it's just words and may not believe a word you say, but you have to prove that you're going to stop with actions, actions speak so much louder than words, that's from experience too, take up a hobby, I have started running, taking dog out for walks for hour/s at a time. It keeps the mind from the gambling. I've given financial control to my partner, I give myself an allowance of £50 per week from my monthly wage then transfer any spare money to her. It's going to be hard for me to get used too, but if that's what it takes to save the relationship then my advice is do anything physically possible to show you mean it. Take each day as it comes, it's gets easier as you see the gf days rack up. It's also important that you stay strong and keep reading posts on here, there will be others in similar or worse positions than you, and the advise on here is fantastic, you feel like you're getting to know some as friends.

Anyway sorry for waffling on a bit but I wish you luck in your recovery.

Nev

Hi Linziluv, i know you must loathe your self at this point although just think about how things will be further down the line providing you abstain from gambling. I have lost pretty much almost all my deposit money to buy my first property in London and my dream is gone. But I have to think about 1 year from now providing I stop gambling I may be able to beat this disgusting urge. I know you can to 🙂

Also I really have to commend the people on this forum, everyone is so understanding and supportive. Your in the right place to get better... Good luck 🙂

Hi liniluv, I to have loads of debt and although I did'nt directly use my partners money to gamble I would spend all my wages on online slots then use his credit cards to shop pay bills ect...and over the time the debts just kept growing although he has never been abusive I know he does'nt understand the addiction ,but the hurt Ihave caused him and his credit file is bad all because of me ... but i am determined not to go back to gambling it is very hard but I know I'll never win or win back the 1000's I gambled so I have put gamban on my pc which is a big help self excluded from as many sites I can remember joining and I try and keep busy if I do get urgesthinking one last time it wont hurt.. we all know what one last time ends up being I try to think of what I could do with the the money I've gambles away not to look back but think it would be so good to have a bit of money in my bank .. but like many others I have been very down and thought the only way out of this mess is not being here but although I still get days when the depression is strong each day does become a a bit easier and the relief of not lying and hiding everything helps me big time as for the debts have you tried debt help I done it on behalf of my partner because of the huge debts I got him into and he just could'nt afford to pay them ..anyway stay strong and go forward we have all been there and still am some days but be positive and kick this awful addition away from your life

Izzy x

How are you Linzi?