Hey, as the title says I am finally debt free after years on a Debt management plan. I should be happy and optimistic right? The problem is that I still can't stop gambling even though I am able to control myself to an extent by not taking on any more debt. This doesn't stop me spending a proportion of my wages each month. I'm 33 and have nothing due to gambling, although as already mentioned I am now debt free.
In the last week I won 6Г— my monthly wage and convinced myself I wouldn't lose it. 2 days later I lost it all and the feeling of helplessness and despair had returned. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I may be debt free but I still feel depressed and pessimistic about my future and I'm still making the same mistakes. I have already self excluded from a few sites and I'm currently on a time-out for a couple more but if I'm being completely honest, the thought of self excluding from all sites and not having gambling in my life ever again, really depresses me and is something I would have trouble accepting. I have loved gambling ever since going camping as a kid. At the same time I realise it's a step I may have to eventually take.
At 33 I feel like I need to act now or have no future. I want a happy family of my own, holidays, just a normal happy life. I would also like to change my career. I feel like it's now or never and the next 5 years are massive. If I keep gambling these dreams become unrealistic.
I also have to improve my mental state. Years of gambling and all the emotions and implications that go with it have left me in a bad way, despite now being debt free. I'm struggling to accept all the years of wasting my life and the money I've thrown away. All the hurt I've caused my parents. It really upsets me. I'm struggling to accept that I've completely wasted my last 15 years of my one shot at life due to gambling with nothing to show for it. No car, no savings, no relationship, lost most of my friends, and living back with my parents. I am now a shadow of my former self in that I am depressed and anxious, my reputation has been shot to pieces, I've lost all self-esteem and confidence, and don't know how to get it back. All this makes me feel pessimistic about my future and my chances of achieving what I want from life.
Thanks for reading.
Hey, just take the plunge and do whatever you have to and self exclude permanently. It's the only way to get out of the trap is to stop completely. It took me years to do it and I just finally self excluded from all land based UK casinos which was my downfall and I feel so relieved and happy as much as it was nerve wracking taking the step itself. It's the best way, once gambling is no longer an option it really takes away the battle we have internally of whether to gamble or not and the addiction wins 99% of the time. Just get it done. Life is infinitely better without an addiction that is killing our saul and ruining us financially, emotionally, mentally and physically.
Hi addict4life,
You have a similar tale to my own. Im 40 now and literally have very little to show for the past 20 years of toil. I was single for most of that so never got into debt from gambling and could go days or sometimes weeks without betting so it never even dawned on me that I may have an issue, but like yourself any extra went to the bookies. I would have some big wins and go splash the cash and have some good times with mates, might even buy a few bits but a good chunk would go straight back.
Then later in life when I had the reponsability of a family to look after my issue came to head and spiralled out of control, as you said the thought of not gambling again was too much for me to bare, even when i went for councelling, I convinced myself that I would just stick to my so called under control bets of football and racing on weekends. But the reality was I am an addict, any form of betting will lead me back to rock bottom because I am a compulsive gambler. As are you.
Going to GA has helped change my thinking, I have committed my time and energy to recovery, I am now open and honest instead of the lying scheming gambler I was who was horrible to be around. The key to recovery is honesty, hard work and lots of support. You can turn your life around if you really want to, get to your nearest GA meeting and come celan to your family. It wont happen over night but all the good things in life can be yours once your commit to it.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
