21 years old, need to stop now before it's too late

Firstly hi everyone, I have a pretty unique name and wish to remain anon for the time being my first two initials are A.J, so call me AJ 🙂 i always read through posts on here in my darkest times but finally thought I'd share my story. I'm 21 years old and been gambling since I was about 17. Of course like I've read a lot started with small few pound football bets here and there, won £15-£20 now and then and was over the moon. I LOVED the idea of football betting and watching the games, that thrill was the trigger that has got me to this point. In my late teens I was involved in professional and semi pro football. That's where I can tell you gambling is plagued. You can't go into a dressing room without hearing a conversation about accumulators or horses, of course at that point it wasn't a problem. I loved the whole idea of it.The football betting started to take hold of my life. First time I staked big, or big at the time compared to the few pounds, was a £50 on a 7 fold- and of course it came in- won 3 grand. I managed to build on that and turned it into over 5k. I remember that was only before I had a job at the age of 17. I had never worked a day in my life and had around 8k in my bank and thought this would never end. Friends were impressed with my nice clothes, football boots, felt great! It took over my life from that point, thought I was some kind of sports genius. Every evening researching various league, on weekends it was all my days consisted of sitting watching bets settle. The stakes got bigger and soon enough that was all gone. For the past 2 years I've been in a good job and have earned around 2k a month. I have absolutely nothing to show for it. All my money would go on football bets or roulette. And on to roulette, those devil FOBTS. Again started off with small spins, many wins and losses later, i am that idiot in there spinning £50's. Countless times I've sat there reloading, losing hundreds on hundreds, even thousands at times. including yesterday where I lost the last of my money. Online casino is where I have done most damage and I would say is the place where it is easiest to do so. And sure enough every now and then I would win big, but with in a week that would be gone. The worst things about this awful awful addiction is no one else can see it. It's so easy to cover up and has turned me into a liar, I've ruined friendships, missed holidays, social events, birthdays, basically what's supposed to be the best years of my life so far- all because of this.. It has changed my personality m, I used to be so Loud, outgoing g and confident. I've got severe anxiety now and overthink everything. I accepted I am a compulsive gambler a long time ago, and I've tried to stop so many times. I turn into a different person when gambling, and it's only a few hours after or the day after when you come back to reality and think - what ever possessed me to do that. I now have absolutely no reaction when winning or losing as they are both feelings I am so used to, more so the latter. My mum found out I was gambling 2 years ago, helped me out of trouble and I promised I would never do it again. My mum has helped me with everything growing up, raised me in the best way possible. And I have completely let her down. I stayed away for 6 months and relapsed and have been trapped ever since. I had never ever seen my mum so upset, and it completely breaks my heart to even think of letting her know what's been going on. I'm so ashamed and angry with myself, but it's self inflicted so we can't sit and feel sorry for ourselves, only option is to change. My problem is I simply can't lose. I might walk into a bookies and say to myself okay just this £50 and if I lose leave. But it's never the way, and walk out with my bank and pockets drained. When I play roulette I eihter win or lose everything I have access to. Recently I was playing on an online casino and won 4k last week! Sure enough with in a week I had lost every single last penny. Was so happy and content for a week, bought some new clothes, enjoyed time with friends, and over the space of a few days lost everything. I have completely lost the value of money. I have turned to pay day loans which got gambled straight away amounting at £1900 with various companies. I said to myself right il just dip £50 into it try and win my money back, sure enough an hour later it was all gone, along with a maxed out overdraft. Now sitting here in a maxed out overdraft with £1200 in bills coming out this week I simply just do not know what to do. This addiction also made me stop playing football, which also provided good extra income at semi professional level. I lost all motivation, felt depressed and had no self confidence. That's one of my biggest regrets as I was in professional clubs my whole life. Mum taking me up and down the country since the age of 8. I now work in a school as a sports coach and won't be able to pay my bills this month which I still don't know what I'm going to do with and have never been in a situation like this before. I can't think clearly about anything until this is sorted and I even put money away to cover these at the end of a month. I feel so dead and empty inside. Wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone but if you're sitting here reading this then I'm sure you've probably felt it. It's the easiest thing to say you won't gamble when you don't have any money and here I am saying it. In total I dread to imagine how much I've lost. I've lost everything I've ever had, and missed out on everything. But this is my day 1 again and will do anything to get rid of this demon. Thanks for reading and good luck with your journey 🙂