My story begins February last year (2014) in which I decided to place £1 on an online gambling website, on a local football team that was playing. My team won 2-0 and I won £2/£3 of which I placed my winnings on another match that lost. It just seemed so easy to win money this way that I kept placing money on matches.
But it wasn't the football matches that gave me the problem. Later on that day, I dabbled around with online roulette. I lost £10 and I was so upset about that. I wanted that money back. It seemed like a lot of money to me (little did I know at the time that £10 wasn't all that much compared to what I actually lost trying to win it back) I was depositing more and more to try and win back just £10, until this amount got to about £150. I had more money in the bank, but I started selling my things just to put back the money that I lost. And at one point I actually won back the £150. But it was so easy to win back, that I got greedy and started gambling more and more before I lost £200.
After so long, the bets got bigger. I wasn't just depositing £10, I was depositing £50 or £100 at a time and placing £50 on certain numbers coming up on the wheel. But I ended up gaining quite a lot of money, and after so many scares, I decided to stop gambling altogether and learn my lesson. But how wrong was I? I got bored one evening and played around with £20. That £20 turned into losing nearly £1500. I just got way ahead of myself. But my bank's fraud department noticed that this activity was unusual and refunded me the money, as well as I was contacted by the website I was gambling by to state that they'd noticed suspicious activity too so I don't think I did gamble as much as I thought, but it was still scary. I was lucky to get the money back and I actually prayed that if I got the money back, that I would never gamble again. And this was April last year, I honestly haven't gambled since.
But I've been a bit down for a few months now, and I haven't known why. And then the other day it hit me when I walked past a casino and on the window was a photo of a roulette wheel and the ball was on 0. Everything flashed before my eyes, back to last year. The buzz I would get when I won a huge amount of money after losing. I know that this kind of thing causes dopamine and I guess my body wants that feeling again. Even this morning I went onto the App Store on my phone and saw a gambling app there and it brought everything back. I just want to be happy and to be able to get a buzz without gambling..I'm trying so hard not to go there again but it's constantly in my mind..
Any advice and/or experience out there?
Extremely lucky for the bank to refund you, I've certainly never heard of that before. I'm not sure I'd have been comfortable with that personally knowing that I had genuinely gambled the money away.
You have been gamble free for a year, you sound as though you only 'dipped a toe' in the first place and quickly realised that you had a serious problem and couldn't walk away down. Trouble is, we all end up down - every one of those games is slanted towards the operator.
Just remember how bad you felt thinking you'd lost that £1500, the despair, and compare that to a handful of minutes "fun" spinning the wheel. You know what to do!
Hi JL2015
Thank you for posting and sharing your story of losing £10 and how trying to win it back eventually ended up costing you £200.
Breaking a dependency can be very difficult. Instead try to reflect on how far you have come, stay positive, and remember to ensure that any small changes you make are manageable. The main thing is you now have the understanding that trying to gamble to win back a loss does not work and will result in debts.
I just want to encourage you to keep on posting for advice and support from others using the forum, and congratulate you on not gambling since last April. However as you are now feeling really challenged and mentioned feeling bored again, please consider using all the resources that are available such as our helpline to support you.
If you need to talk things through you could speak to an adviser on our HelpLine Freephone 0808 8020 133, 8am to midnight, 7 days a week.
All the best
Cade
Forum Admin
JL2015 you bring up a key point that its always within us somewhere but needs to be buried away under the file do not open. Its that part of our mind playing tricks but it can only do that if we are weak, bored, aimless or depressed
With the bookies and arcade blocks in place I will renew them. I mention straight away in the pub that I am not to be seen or to be allowed playing the machines. Its a psychology thing but at least it lets them know and it does the trick in giving me a barrier. Im not really a drinker but I like to enjoy the odd ale without those things flashing away
Its not my fault...those machines shouldnt be there and I sit or stand well away from them
I am fighting it properly now because I will in a sense always be an addict if I let the guard down. I try not to think about that, but its the truth.
The feelings eased quite quicky because I can directly relate gambling to losing £2000 over a year with the sinking pain that caused. The previous year I had one binge session and then was fairly regularly putting £10 £30 or £50 in at every pub or arcade I would go to. That must have added up to money I darent think about...probably £1000 that year
It may not sound much so some but its all relative and I deperately needed every pound. Thats money I could have bought something or done something nice with
I am now sorting my head out because it was largely related to loneliness and a past caring attitude. All the gambling did was massively add to any worries I had.
I realised that it was largely linked to deep depression and I had given up on life in many ways. Only I plodded through life adding even more problems than trying to sort out some contentment with my lot. I havent relapsed since I blocked and thats two months ago. I expect to make a year and far beyond because the reality of gambling is sinking in and the urges are seeping out of me.
Why would I want an urge to lose more of MY money...thats how I see it and constantly deal with it
Youve got to step it up and try and get the real meaning back. Take a trip...see some sights...help others less fortunate. I had got to the stage where I was so messed up I couldnt see what could actually be enjoyed in life.
I have some exclusion orders in place and I will expand or renew them. Gambling is a harmful activity and I do class it as immoral. These are my own strong systems for banishing it from my life
All the very best
Joydivider wrote:
JL2015 you bring up a key point that its always within us somewhere but needs to be buried away under the file do not open. Its that part of our mind playing tricks but it can only do that if we are weak, bored, aimless or depressed
With the bookies and arcade blocks in place I will renew them. I mention straight away in the pub that I am not to be seen or to be allowed playing the machines. Its a psychology thing but at least it lets them know and it does the trick in giving me a barrier. Im not really a drinker but I like to enjoy the odd ale without those things flashing away
Its not my fault...those machines shouldnt be there and I sit or stand well away from them
I am fighting it properly now because I will in a sense always be an addict if I let the guard down. I try not to think about that, but its the truth.
The feelings eased quite quicky because I can directly relate gambling to losing £2000 over a year with the sinking pain that caused. The previous year I had one binge session and then was fairly regularly putting £10 £30 or £50 in at every pub or arcade I would go to. That must have added up to money I darent think about...probably £1000 that year
It may not sound much so some but its all relative and I deperately needed every pound. Thats money I could have bought something or done something nice with
I am now sorting my head out because it was largely related to loneliness and a past caring attitude. All the gambling did was massively add to any worries I had.
I realised that it was largely linked to deep depression and I had given up on life in many ways. Only I plodded through life adding even more problems than trying to sort out some contentment with my lot. I havent relapsed since I blocked and thats two months ago. I expect to make a year and far beyond because the reality of gambling is sinking in and the urges are seeping out of me.
Why would I want an urge to lose more of MY money...thats how I see it and constantly deal with it
Youve got to step it up and try and get the real meaning back. Take a trip...see some sights...help others less fortunate. I had got to the stage where I was so messed up I couldnt see what could actually be enjoyed in life.
I have some exclusion orders in place and I will expand or renew them. Gambling is a harmful activity and I do class it as immoral. These are my own strong systems for banishing it from my life
All the very best
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me and the rest of the community! It's brave what you're doing and I wish you all the best in your recovery! But yeah I have also tried turning my life around, I ended up passing my grades at college and I started university in September and I've even met a girl in my class and we're together. I think a lot of my gambling was down to lonliness too and I still go through these feels sometimes but not as bad. It was just walking past a casino last week and I felt a rush for a few seconds. It got to me I guess..
I also want to say that I agree about helping others. I said to myself last year that I generally don't deserve that money and I was considering donating a lot of it to charity in the future whenever I'm making money myself, and I still aim to do that. But my girlfriend is also an international student, and she's struggling financially at the moment, so I've often helped her out a little bit. I've took her out for nice meals, bought her esential equipment for university and just generally helped her out a little. She doesn't like me spending my money on her, and she knows a little bit about the gambling but not the full story. All I have said to her though is that I have money in the bank and I would rather help somebody like her out than spend it on pointless things for myself..
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