I don't think I can be helped because I don't think I can stop this behaviour.

Thanks for asking XM. I managed to get an NHS counselling self-refer assessment and so thought this was an ideal opportunity to tell them I was using gambling as a coping strategy, albeit a destructive and negative one. Have to wait 6months for a 1-2-1 though. I also spoke online with Gamcare, might do that again soon. Not really in a good place head-wise though. Why won't I install anti-gambling software? How are you holding up, I replied to you before I have seen anything you've written so I don't know whether to congratulate you on your progress or commiserate with you! I'll see if I can see your previous posts, I can't get to grips with this new format. Take care.

Hi Amba,

Well done for coming here to seek help, it takes alot of courage to get honest about yourself/situation

It's great to hear that you are seeking help to deal with the issues that are driving your destructive behaviour.

I just wanted to reassure you that your life doesn't have to be this way based on my journey.

I had a 23yr gambling that took me to suicidal ideation and materialistic and relationship bankruptcy. For a long time my desire for change failed repeatedly because I never addressed the driving forces of my addiction. In 2009 I decided to do something different and seek help via CBT therapy. I was scared and very reluctant at first because I felt incredibly vulnerable and worried about being judged, which was unnecessary. With the guidance of a therapist and alot of hard work (using coping tools to deal with emotions and feelings) I have managed to have a life beyond my wildest dreams. I am blessed in that I now do voluntary work as a CBT therapist and depression counsellor. 

I wish you all the very best and look forward to reading about your onward journey.