I have now hit rock bottom and I am in deep trouble

Posted by: Ravloki

Please help me. Someone. I am desperate. I don't know if I will last the night. I am crying for help.

have you been doing more gambling ? 

your posts are always obsessing with money , this is the first issue you must tackle 

accept that the money is gone , you may have worked hard to earn it ......you will have to work harder if you want keep it in the future 

much like charity , help begins at home ......take accountability for your actions , figure out how you are going to solve your woes and get to work 

Never think suicide is the answer. You always have the ability to make things better remember that. It just takes ‘time my something is compulsive gamblers don’t give. We want it all now. 
I have lost around £325k in the last 10 years. I relapsed again yesterday and lost more than £20k yesterday. Hard earned money. Sinking feeling makes me sick to the core. Just when you think you’re almost there and you will never do it again, this addiction grips you. Remember you won’t stop unless you block yourself completely from everything. Forget money, forget trying to win it back. With each day things do get easier. We only tell people when it’s too late. I lost 35k then made back 30k. I was 5k away from it all being ‘normal’ but the I lost it all. I only told someone after it was all zero. It’s a horrible situation to be in. It takes over your life. We need to enjoy the small things in life. Going for a walk or just being present. 
What helps me is to take myself back to how I was as a kid. Motivated and strong desire to do well and somehow disciplined. It’s never too late for anybody, but one thing I have learnt is only you can make this change. It will hurt to your core. It will make you sick but view that as the challenge to overcome. 
for us, our biggest achievement in life is not going to be winning or making £1m, it will be never to gamble again and enjoy that feeling of being free and present. Money can be made again, please just hit the reset button and start the change today. We hate the feeling of relapse and how it makes us feel today or the day after. So let’s never ever put ourselves in that position again. Remember it’s a illness, we cannot hate ourselves during recovery. Each day is a new day; when I don’t gamble or have an account I feel light and free. I hate the feeling of the loss but trust me that goes over time. Just be strong and weather this storm. We can’t flick a switch and make it better right now. It’s not as easy as I used to put £10k on red or black. Don’t let this win, protect our hard work. 

Posted by: Ravloki

Please help me. Someone. I am desperate. I don't know if I will last the night. I am crying for help.

Hi Ravloki, I hope your ok? We are here with you... send a msg put us at ease. 

Sunny 

Hey Beatpeace, how? Why? have you relapsed, to lose 20k in a session. If you have that kind of money no need to gamble right? Should be enjoying life. 

Hi @ravloki

I've been there, many of us have, what you've done doesn't make you a bad person.   As a friend told me when I was a rock bottom - good people do bad things.   You can't always make it right again but what you can do is come clean with those around you who would be devastated to know the emotional turmoil you're dealing with on your own.   I hated my stupidity, my mistakes (too many to count), and the thought of my life unravelling before my eyes.   Saying out loud to those you love makes it real but it also starts the process of fixing things.   I was literally terrified the reaction of friends and family would destroy everything... it didn't.   While the losses were huge, laying your soul bare takes courage but once you start it's nothing but relief.   It's the first time in years I've reached an inner calm and peace.   Do it for your sanity and your loved ones! 

I think what we need to realise is that for me anyway it’s not the money. I don’t think I’m doing it for the money. It’s everything outside our lives that for me makes me unhappy and I go to gambling for that excitement. It all starts off when we are not ourselves. Not doing what we want in life, losing self confidence. For me I sometimes strangely feel like it’s the only time I have control albeit the very wrong type of control. 
The sinking feeling the next day is unbearable but that’s the only challenger. Even today I can’t look past the next hour trying not to think about it. It starts off small with 2k and then just rapidly increases and before you know it I am putting over £5k on a single spin. As worrying as it sounds I feel so much lighter and free knowing I can’t do it anymore and all my accounts are blocked and barred. But it’s the regrets and countless iterations of what ifs that I am fighting. Time is the only solution for that. 

Thanks for the messages.

After reading them I think this gambling may have been due to me leaving my job and not really having any type of goal afterwards. I achieved my house, my car and everything the previous years and I had £12,000 in cash spare in the bank.

I think I then just started to find some kind of income stream and excessively gambled this away in quick succession. I have lost £10,500 of that now and everything is in danger.

I had a really, really bad night. If it wasn't for my girlfriend, I'd be dead, I know it. She is the only thing keeping me going right now and I haven't told her this. If I lost her, I'd have nothing.

I have done a couple of things to hopefully tide over a few extra months so that I can hopefully get a job to start saving back up:

- I have secured a mortgage holiday for three months. It actually adds £300 in interest but I felt I had no option.

- I have reduced all credit cards (0%) to minimum payments. One has 16 months left at 0% and is maxed out, while the other has £2,200 of credit available for 15 months at 0%. I will use this for every day purchases while I am in the deep hole.

- I have secured another 0% credit card with a £1,500 balance 0% interest for 16 months. I will use this as a back up if I max out my other card. Thank god you can no longer use credit cards on gambling.

- I have spoken to my ex-girlfriend about child payments and we have agreed £100 a month. I was paying £350 a month and I have told her what I have done (she went absolutely ballistic at me, but I told her there is nothing that she can say that I haven't already beaten myself up over).

- I have applied for a few jobs and I have an interview tomorrow which was for a job I applied for a week or so ago.

- I have told my business partner that I have blown 90% of my money and that I cannot fund our venture, he was understanding of the situation and has agreed to pay my part and I will pay him back when I am in a position to.

- I quit smoking. I was spending about £200 a month on this and I have easily given this up. The girlfriend is happy with this too.

A few things I've avoided but perhaps need to do:

- I have yet to tell my dad what I have done. I am the golden child, the person who passed his driving test at 17, the person who saved up £50,000 and purchased a house with it, the person who has a good car, the person who has a Master's degree. I am completely embarrassed to tell him I've P****d up over £10,000, almost my entire bank.

- I haven't sold anything. I am considering selling my car which I can get £9000 for (I own it without finance). My girlfriend absolutely loves the car and has said if I really need to sell it then do it. However as I said, without her, I'd be a goner already and I want to keep her on board.

- I STILL have urges to put my final £1900 on a big bet. The only thing stopping me at the minute is that the money is split into about 4 accounts and so it's not quite easy for me to deposit this amount into a bookie. I am praying to whatever is there that I do not do this, but I feel the urge will always be there despite me destroying my savings.

- My car insurance is due in a couple months which will be about £400. I may have to pay for this monthly which I've never done, but I am in survival mode at the minute and I'll worry about the interest later.

My head is coming to terms with what I have done. Unfortunately I am still in chase mode and I still think the money I lost is "mine". I am slowly working on this to get it into my head that the money is no longer mine and I have what I have.

I am a matched bettor while I don't work. That means I need access to sites. However, I have decide to take a different approach to this and I will educate others on the subject rather than me actually placing bets. I feel that this is what triggered my addiction. I have gambled for roughly 3 years, my first large bet of £1000 was on the general election which I lost. I then lost the value of money and didn't find any point in gambling lessor values. 

My biggest trigger, by far, is the bets that you DON'T put on, but wanted to, and then they come in. It absolutely kills my willpower. A bit of help on how to avoid this would be great. I always justify my losses somehow, but I am at the stage where what I have done is no longer justified, and I think I needed this. 

It's like many have said here. You need to hit rock bottom before you actually realise what you're doing is destructive. It's a cruel lesson, my only hope is that I take it.

I'm glad to be alive. I wasn't exaggerating last night, it was very rough. I didn't sleep til 6am. I've woken up with a slightly better attitude. I am still sick to the stomach with incredible worry about the months to come and how I am going to get through it though.

Thanks for the tips, I still need help. I want to visit a center and talk about it with others as I think many of the problems I've experienced is not exclusive and is in fact common.

Thanks.

hi, glad to hear you are ok, you had a lot of us worried last night. Sounds like you have a plan going forward and the support you need so keep to this and start rebuilding. It will take a long time but you will get there if you really want to

All the best

Posted by: Bladesman

hi, glad to hear you are ok, you had a lot of us worried last night. Sounds like you have a plan going forward and the support you need so keep to this and start rebuilding. It will take a long time but you will get there if you really want to

All the best

Thanks Bladesman. I appreciate it.

You got this. 
Well done and remember it gets easier with time. 
Whatever you do, just do not put the remaining £1,900 on. Even if your bet came in, it’s only going to make it worse and the trauma you go through doing it is really not worth it. 
It’s ok to fall off the wagon, don’t hate yourself but just bring that teenager in you back that got himself the masters degree and job. Nothing is impossible it just takes time and a brand new mindset which simply involves NO gambling. 

End of the day it is just money. You can and will earn it back. But first you need to go through the period of acceptance and a little grief. One day at a time. Speak to people when you get urges. It’s so important. 
 
Be strong, we can all do this 

You did something very stupid and illogical. You lost £5,500 a few weeks ago. Recently you decided to risk a further £5,000. It was illogical because there was no reason to think that second time around anything different would happen. Losing an initial bet very rarely affects anyone too negatively and most people have experienced a gambling loss. The stupid bit is when we chase that loss which in essence is performing the exact same action that didn’t work the first time and expecting a different outcome.

and I do say we as you’re not alone in having carried out these actions.

You can’t ever recover this situation unless you recover yourself first. By recover I mean recognise you have a serious problem and begin the process of addressing it. It’s hard and it is very scarey but it needs to be done before you think of doing anything else. You need to speak to GamCare and you need to speak to Stepchange who can assist you in trying to organise any debts you may start accruing.

if you can get to that positive stage whereby you are not gambling any more of the little money you have and are repaying any debts that have resulted from your situation then it becomes possible to then recover the damage created.

You have to fix yourself and then in tandem fix your situation. It is not easy to do but everyone has the ability to do it if they fully commit to turning things around. You can do it. You are brave enough to face this head on do it. But...it’s ultimately up to you. A lot of us have been where you currently are. You are not alone.

Hi Ravloki 

You ask how to avoid those bets you don't put on and then they come in. Quite simply, 'see no evil, do no evil'. Don't look at the odds and opportunity and over time your desire might decrease.

I've never seen a horse racing card I didn't like(!) but I've not looked at one for 17 days now and I can honestly say that yesterday I didn't think about it at all.

If you don't know what you're missing, you won't miss it.

Stay strong 

SJ 

Hi Ravloki,

Hope you are keeping up and staying strong, you will feel better as the day passes. There’s not much I can to what’s been said above other than the following

- Although you think it’s rock bottom, it can get a lot worse if you attempt to chase further. PLEASE DONT

- Don’t do anything stupid, a lot of people have been in worse position and have come out of it. You have a lifetime ahead of you.

- We all make mistakes in life so try and pick yourself up, try and forget the thoughts of what you would have done with the money, what it was meant for, the bet you placed, the mistake you made choosing the wrong outcome. Just take a break to free up your mind.

Good luck

Hi Ravloki,

You need to stop with the matched bettor system. Access to any gambling site will only encourage your addiction. You will get offers, see tempting odds etc., that will become irresistable. Find other ways of supplementing your income away from gambling in any form. If you don't, 100% you will relapse once again.

Go well 

Hi, 

sorry to hear your struggles, like you and many others, I've also been there and am a twenty plus year addict.

With the greatest of respect, you can make the £10,500 the best money you have ever spent, you can choose to make that the last money you ever gamble(d).

You are very focused on your girlfriend, I also get that but you'll never be the best of yourself whilst you choose to gamble, you need to focus on yourself and you need to get help for yourself - what steps are you taking - you list lot of financial ones but I didn't read much in terms of dealing with your addiction - the money and numbers are pretty irrelevant, if truth be told.

Your friend is bailing you out 

Your Ex-GF / Daughters mother is bailing you out 

You are viewing credit card limits as available money

none of these are actually helpful to you, the addict.  They all offer temporary relief - I know the feeling all too well, it's wonderful. but not helpful.

It sounds like you have much of your life way more organised and together than I have managed but maybe the car needs to go - maybe you need to face the consequences of your choices, if the car did go, you could pay the business venture costs, you could maintain your daughters money and you could avoid using/even clear the credit cards

I feel like I'm being blunt and if so, please just appreciate my intent is to help, not judge or criticise.

I'm currently three years gamble free, not even a raffle ticket in that time, I am fighting this every single day and I need more help, I still need to do more work on myself.

The best thing that ever happened to me was when I was in the hole, as deep as I had ever been and my sister, who could of helped financially, said no. She saved my life.

I found help for suicidal thoughts, I faced into the consequences of my previous choices and most satisfyingly of all, I accepted that I lost, the bookies beat me.  I would never win because I never stopped, from the day I chose to stop I have focused on never starting again.

You are not alone. You are worthy and you can make better choices.

I hope on some level, bits of what I've written help and resonate with you because, like you I am a compulsive, addicted gambler, for today I am choosing to not gamble.

best wishes