I need serious help!!

Posted by: Hmarshall91

Hi all 

my name is Hilaire and I’m 27 years old with a partner and two amazing children. I need some good help / advise to dramatically reduce the amount of money and time I gamble , it’s been on and off since I was 20 , I have had times where I could control myself and stop myself from betting away my hard earned money.

i believe it all started when my first relationship fell apart to whom I had my first child with which is what triggered me to start gambling. I then meet my current partner which then made me stop the gambling for a while. At this point we move into a flat together living life to the full , then randomly one day I was off work I’ll and I was bored so I stuck £XX on a football accumulator and it came in and I won £XX roughly I was really chuffed as I thought that the day I had off sick was now covered because of my winnings , being a gambler you “always” think your going to win but we all know that does not happen or if it does it’s “very rare” . The next day I thought I would try my luck and unfortunately I lost that £XX and then a further £XX which happened to be my rent money that was due to be paid just days after. I hit a real low in my self  I kept it from my partner for days and then she saw a change in my attitude and then confronted me , then I told her what happened , gratefully she accepted my apology and we moved on. Things had then got better in life and I then got a new job from a part time to a full time and my salary increase by £XX a year I was chuffed. Unfortunately later that year my partner lost her step dad in a motorbike accident, we then hat to move into her mums house to help her get by day to day give her support and help her financially, this happened for 2-3 months all fine , but then I start to see a difference in our relationship living with her mum , we would always argue constantly and I then got depressed and was signed off for 2 weeks , within this 2 weeks I somehow managed to get my self into £XX worth of debt by bloody gambling which then made her mum to kick us out . We then later moved into her dads house for 2 months to save some money so we can rent again . We then found a perfect house in a small village close to her dad and we moved in happily. I stopped betting for around 1 and a half years.

untill I then started again about 2 years ago and it’s been worse then ever I literally can not help myself no matter how much i try to eliminate  myself from all gambling sites . 

Over the past 2 years I can easily say I have gambled over £XX without a doubt. It has got to the point where I have almost lost my whole life and my partner and children , I was nearly homeless not long ago , I just want to get to a stage when I know how to control myself and if and when I want to bet I simply want to stick to just football bets and leave all slots out of it I do enjoy the odd football bet on the weekends as I do get a buzz out of it which I think most of you can or could of relate with.

i have been to Gambling centres to have 1 to 1 help but I didn’t find it to help.

i am currently taking 200mg of sertraline a day due to my depression and anxiety which 80% is all down to my gambling addiction.

i do apologies for the boring life story but I just wanted to break it down to see if you guys think it’s down to the things happening around me or it’s just me. 

 

I would love love to hear all feedback , ideas , suggestions that have helped you.

 

thanks for reading 

kind regards 

Hiya Buddy 🙂

I've just read your post and although I feel for you as you obviously have a problem with your gambling , I feel it's more that you want to be able to control your addiction rather than give it up ? .

This forum is full of people like myself who are compulsive gamblers and who in the main have come to realise that we can never be in control if we gamble and therefore have made the decision that the only way we can be in control is to not gamble at all . 

Please don't feel that I don't care about your position, that's in fact the total opposite but unless you really want to give up completely there's probably very little I could offer you in the way of answers .

Reading through your post makes me quite sad as it mirrors many stories on here myself included as I spent many many years trying to stop losing so much before I realised that the only way that would happen was when I stopped completely , there's a saying on here  " We cannot win because we cannot stop " and if you read your post back you clearly cannot stop my friend . 

If you ignore these symptoms they will become far worse for you over time , until they spiral completely out of control and like many of us on here you'll lose far more than x amount of pound's :(( .

If you do decide that you actually want to stop gambling then your absolutely in the right place and everyone on this forum will help you unconditionally but this of course is only something you can decide upon .

I wish you well buddy :))  

You have a serious problem and until you realise that you will continue. You are a compulsive gambler because it is making your life unmanageable. Please get some help , setraline is great but doesn't take away your addiction. Your wife will need support too. I'm sorry to say you will never be able to control your gambling. The longer you gamble the more damage you will do to your mental health. 

Thanks for your kind words , I think after reading people comments it’s safe to say I need to stop completely, not sure the best way how two, how did you manage to get over it? 

Thanks 

The advice  I can give you is to sign  up to GAMSTOP for 5 years ( thats the longest they do) I have just done it and really needed to.  I would hate to estimate how much I have truly lost ( probably enough to have bought a house outright) Once you have signed up, you wont be able to gamble online on any of the online forums for that period of time.  Another alternative is to give your partner full control of all money ( giving you only what you need for that day so it doesn't allow you temptation).  This way you can allow yourself time to heal and replenish your finances to a healthy position and give yourself time to think about healing taking the pressure of money off yourself.

Hi again buddy ?.  I’m really glad you’ve made that choice as it’s the only real way your ever going to control this addiction.     There are many ways you can put blocks between you and another bet and breaking the Time money location triangle is one of them , removing just one of those pieces of the triangle means you can’t gamble. As was suggested by the previous poster handing over financial control removes the ability to fund your gambling, GameStop will stop you gambling online , there’s also self exclusions that can be done which will mean no high street bookies and another for casinos . There’s a lot of advice on this on the Gamcare website and maybe have a look at mixers thread at the top of the page which is full of info as well , especially for when you first arrive  .   It’s nit easy especially those early days and weeks after stopping so I’d advise also to stay close to this place , you’ll have extra time on your hands now your not gambling so maybe look at peoples diary’s and learn what you can from them . I stopped just under 4yrs ago after it all got very out of control, I’ve not gambled since thanks to the support I received on these pages . The one thing I would recommend is just for now to take it one day at a time , deal with today and then tomorrow. Stopping gambling for life can be quite a scary thought but in bite sized chunks it’s far easier to deal with ?.     I’m sure we’ll talk again and if there’s anything you need to know just ask , someone usually responds or admin will reply .    Talk to you soon buddy but until then , stay safe ?              Alan 

Posted by: A 9

Hi again buddy ?.  I’m really glad you’ve made that choice as it’s the only real way your ever going to control this addiction.     There are many ways you can put blocks between you and another bet and breaking the Time money location triangle is one of them , removing just one of those pieces of the triangle means you can’t gamble. As was suggested by the previous poster handing over financial control removes the ability to fund your gambling, GameStop will stop you gambling online , there’s also self exclusions that can be done which will mean no high street bookies and another for casinos . There’s a lot of advice on this on the Gamcare website and maybe have a look at mixers thread at the top of the page which is full of info as well , especially for when you first arrive  .   It’s nit easy especially those early days and weeks after stopping so I’d advise also to stay close to this place , you’ll have extra time on your hands now your not gambling so maybe look at peoples diary’s and learn what you can from them . I stopped just under 4yrs ago after it all got very out of control, I’ve not gambled since thanks to the support I received on these pages . The one thing I would recommend is just for now to take it one day at a time , deal with today and then tomorrow. Stopping gambling for life can be quite a scary thought but in bite sized chunks it’s far easier to deal with ?.     I’m sure we’ll talk again and if there’s anything you need to know just ask , someone usually responds or admin will reply .    Talk to you soon buddy but until then , stay safe ?              Alan 

 

 

 

 

I have now officially sign up to the gamstop , it feels like weight off my shoulders but still got a long way to go

Well done.first big step.

Easy answer stop gambling.stop digging that hole .

Plan ahead and reinvent yourself and do more things with ya partner, get a hobby ...anything...just don't ever gamble again 

Hi Hilaire.

Life gets tough for a lot of people but you will pull through it all and you will do it without the need for gambling in your life.

Gambling was never the anwer to what you seek. The truth is that any breaks in the gambling is not a sign of control until you enter a full abstention with monitored blocks.

Focus on what gambling has done to you but do this in a positive moment because there is now no point wallowing in the pity of the losses. Its gone and your life moves on. Yes thats hard but it must be done.

A gambling addiction thrives on depression isolation and pure delusion. Break the cycle and ensure you have no access to cash beyond a small allowance. That is vitally important as your mind takes the time to heal

Its a deadly addiction and it works like a drug addiction. I class it as a drug addiction because I have read numerous books on the subject.

When you feel better inside a serenity will wash over you as its the right thing to do. Nobody says life is easy but gambling onlt makes it worse.

Gambling is NOT an income scheme and its NOT a get it back later scheme. The wins are rare and they are NOT reliable. A gambling addict has no control anyway and they are mainly addicted to the feeling of playing.

There is no room for complacency ever but you can and will beat this. A full recovery is needed because the alternative is new lows as gambling drags people lower and lower.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi

I am glad that you have opened up and shared your painful self destruction habit with us.

In taking the recovery program more seriously in time you will learn to value your self and stop destroying your life.

Asking for help is a sign of strength and means that you are a survivor.

Yet for me attending the recovery program was the only way for me to get truly a healthy life style with our escaping to my addictions and obsession.

The amount of time and energy you put in your recovery will increase of you finding a much healthier life in your future.

It took me time to get motivated in healthy ways.

The truth if you put the same amount of energy in to your recovery as you put in to your addictions and obsessions were guarantee you success in your recovery.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi Hmarshall91,

Welcome to the Forum and thank you for telling your story here.

You have already received many responses and some very good suggestions which you have acted on.

Maybe you would like to give us a call on the Helpline on 0808 80 20 133 or contact us on the Netline, our live chat facility https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/

These services are open from 8 am to midnight every day. You can discuss strategies which can help you stop as well as other support, which is available to you, like face to face counselling.

Kind wishes

Gabriele 

Many thanks for all your kind words 

I am now 4 days In and I must admit it’s been quite hard to stop thinking about it and the thought about the “what if” I won large amount. 

I have signed up to the gamstop and I have also changed my salary to go into my partners account so I have no access, I have also created a new email as I was getting far to many emails from bookies and casinos offering me utter rubbish and I see that as a trigger so that has now gone??

One step top at a time , I do feel a small change in my attitude towards life as well.

regards 

That's good to hear fella and well done on being so proactive :)).

Gambling will keep whispering " What if " in your ear for a while to be honest but having done the same thing for many years it's a bit of a pipe dream .

If you acted on those urges and won , let's say 5 grand ? , do you think you'd stop gambling and walk away ? , If your anything like most of us on here you really wouldn't , once your compulsive it really stops being about the money just the buzz and chances are you'd blow the winnings because your gambling mind is telling you that " your on a winning streak " or " luck's on your side " take it from " Luck and streaks just don't last and pretty soon soon you'd go through those " so called winning's " and use more of your own money , then when that's gone you'd borrow and maybe even steal to fund your habit , it really get's that bad ........ I'm not trying to sound all doom and gloom but just give you an insight into the way thing's develop really quickly . 

Keep doing what your doing my friend , take it one day at a time and keep posting as it really help's when those urges strike .

Take care Bud :)) 

Alan