Mentally cant get over my huge gambling losses

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Unfortunately you have to realise those monies are not returning and you must not "chase" the losses. That will only result in even more.

Having been in a similar financial position you begin to learn to deal with it. That is so much better than phone calls and letters threatening court action for lack of payments made.

If the debts are a concern give stepchange a call. I pay them a fixed monthly fee and they distribute that amongst the creditors. They can also freeze the interest and stop the phone calls and letters. They also don't charge a monthly fee. (Other debt management companies are available).

Just a few thoughts but mainly you have to let it go.

Best wishes

Thanks Balvaird for your wise words. I can service the debt payments it's just going to take many years to clear. I understand that others have lost homes and houses etc...so I guess I mustn't be too hard on myself? Yes chasing losses is what got me into this situation. I realise that even if I won all that money back I would probably lose it all again the next day! Have you just accepted that you will be paying off debt for years?

Unfortunately yes for a few more years but then the interesting part begins.

I no longer live by any means of credit and when my debts are paid I will have a sum of extra cash each month to spend as I and the good lady see fit. Certainly not on gambling!!!

Best wishes

It's not easy but sometimes we have to say enough to is enough

Personally even if you think you can manage the debt, I would consider contacting Stepchange or Payplan to see if they can help you come to an arrangement with your creditors. Firstly the act of helping yourself will also make yourself feel better and secondly any way of clearing your debt more quickly is an obvious benefit. Having to contemplate years of paying off debt is more likely to drive you back to gambling so take all the assistance you can get.

Hi chaser2508.

You have to mentally get over the money lost even if it takes counselling. Its one of the first hurdles that must be overcome because the money isnt coming back. Its not a get it back later scheme. This has to be dealt with and brushed off so it doesnt make you ill. Your mental health now has top priority. Its time to count your family and friends as more important

I have to use my own systems because there is no point dwelling on it when it can only make me ill. You do eventually have to adopt an easy go / its gone attitude. I have my own systems of oh well a footballer would have spent my losses on a cake or a party.

As I said on another thread the debts have to be dealt with so that it doesnt make you ill. I dont know your income and assets and thats your business You can only pay what you can afford

Then again if you are a property owner I understand that it is considered an asset for some creditors. I do understand its not an easy situation

You may need financial advice from someone that can help you directly.

All the best.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. As soon as I opened my eyes this morning my first thought was about how much money I wasted and I felt like I wanted to cry. How can you stop these thoughts and self loathing? Reading your replies really helps and makes me feel more positive about my situation. I will speak to someone if I can't mentally let this go.

I can't change the past, what is done is done. It's hard...but I have to find ways of focusing on today and my future rather than my negative past mistakes.

Hi

Just a thought-but be careful you're not really focusing on the loss to justify further gambling (eg I'm in too deep, can't get out, no light etc). The mind can come out with unhelpful thoughts, particularly an addicted one. These are just thoughts. Don't buy into them.

I gambled for 16 years, lost circa £120k. s**t happens, I lost a lot but money never equalled happiness. I've stopped for 3 years and tried to address what was driving my addiction and I try to live by my values. The money takes care of itself.

So, like everyone else on here has to do, you accept its gone. You focus on what and who is really important to you.

Best

Louis

I gambled 20 years and spent 20 focused on losses. Let go not easy but it is your only hope

chaser1508 wrote:

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. As soon as I opened my eyes this morning my first thought was about how much money I wasted and I felt like I wanted to cry. How can you stop these thoughts and self loathing? Reading your replies really helps and makes me feel more positive about my situation. I will speak to someone if I can't mentally let this go.

I can't change the past, what is done is done. It's hard...but I have to find ways of focusing on today and my future rather than my negative past mistakes.

Easy to say but it will get better. I hated myself when I had to confront what I had done but when you move out of the world of gambling, the fog does start to lift. Stop the loathing and start loving yourself more - by stopping once and for all.

Thanks everyone for your wise words. It's been great reading your comments and when I am feeling low about my debt I read your posts and feel better. Also when I focus on how stupid I have been I try to switch my focus (as advised) to the important things in life (friends/family etc). Today I have thought about it much less and I think I am starting to accept my huge losses. I am also trying to be grateful for the things I do have in my life that are great (my lovely daughters and wife, house, car, job etc). Focusing on what I have rather than what I did have has been very useful. Thanks again for your advice and I hope we can all beat this horrible addiction for good.

Hi Chaser. I am in a similar position to you. I've managed to run up approx £18000 in debt and I struggle daily with the guilt and shame of what gambling has made me. I have a long road ahead but I think you have to have hope. FOBT roulette and online roulette have destroyed me and my finances. I'm at rock bottom at the moment but determined to get myself out of the mess that I'm in. The losses are gone and they are not coming back. Chasing them just leads to more heartache, frustration and misery. There's more to life.

Hi charlieoscarluke. Sorry to hear that your in a similar situation as me. Yes your correct you have to have hope...also we must look forward and not back. We can't change what's happened but we can change our future by making better choices. Also I read that the dalai larma was asked if he could give only one bit of advice only from all his years of wisdom what would it be. He said "let go, let go, let go." This hit home with me and I try and think of these words when my thoughts go towards my past gambling/debts and it really helps me.

Hi Chaser £18000 in debt with a 48 month repayment plan ahead. I'm never getting the money back but see this as a way of proving that gambling is a mugs game. 4 years of struggle to repay what generally is an hour of watching a ball bounce around a wheel with numbers on it. Defies logic. It's time for a change and bit by bit I will reclaim my life, pay back my debts and kick this habit. What's gone is gone. I'm never getting it back but I can stop anymore money falling down the gambling drain. I can't control my past but I can control my future!