I'm new to the forum so hello everyone.
My name is Chris, I'm 22 years old still living at home and I'm a problem gambler
I have been gambling since I was 16 in the bookies.
I got addicted instantly since then I have lost around 30.000 pounds.
I gamble every single day because I get an urge which I cannot say no to. I am also in 3,000 pounds of debt. I gamble at the bookies and casinos. I have banned my self from around 15 places but I will do whatever it takes to get to the nearest bookies/casino.
I wake up and the first thing on my mind is to gamble and it is the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep.
I live in an area where the is no counselling or face to face help.
I cannot tell anybody about my problem gambling because I'm worried there will be a bad outcome. So basically I am living a lie as this is my secret. I would like to tell my parents but the will not understand what I am going through.
I have tried many times and failed because I cannot find the right support for myself.
I suffer from depression(on medication from doctor) and have suicidal thoughts daily because of gambling.
There is just no one I can talk to in person about my problem, mainly because they will think im a bad person for keeping this such a secret for so long.
I have just and enough of it all and need to stop and payback my gambling debts otherwise I will be 30 years old, no house no job no nothing.
I have done just about everything in the book when it comes to gambling. Over the past 3 weeks ive lost about 2,400 pounds alone, see I could have paid this to my debts but I have to gamble until all of my money is gone.
I have only a part - time job which I take home around 500 pounds per month. It will take me at leats 6 months until im out of debt if I stop gambling but I know It wont be possible although I am trying to stay positive about it. I am trapped and there is no way out for me.
Thanks for reading.
Chris
Hi Chris, welcome to the Forum and well done for posting what you have here,
It can feel like there is no way out - I gambled for twenty years before stopping over five years ago.
The problem with long-term gambling is that stress, debt, worry, deceit and obsession becomes part of everyday life; we forget how we ever functioned or lived before. If you have depression, then that is another addition to an already very heavy burden.
It is important to remember that self-exclusion is only a preventative method and not a cure; I did exactly the same as you my friend - as soon as I had self-excluded from Bookmakers in my town, I was on a train to the next one.
You wake in the morning, and go to sleep with gambling on your mind - if someone locked your bedroom door and kept you in there for six months, then your urges would gradually lessen over time. That isn't going to happen, so you have to draw a line under everything has happened, and reach that point in your own mind.
There is a moment when you resign yourself to your fate and forget everything you have been through. This is the moment, before you gamble, that you must tackle head-on; you have some control at this point, everyone does, but once you start, you are lost.
Depression can't help and my heart goes out to you, but that doesn't mean that you don't have strength, and you don't have options my friend - if not, then you have to ask what the endgame is my friend; winning money is much more dangerous than losing - all it will do is make you crave more of the same at higher stakes than ever before. If you lose, then you face soul wrenching desperation to get it back again, which leads to you losing money you don't have.
A recovery diary on here would help you my friend - it will give you the contact you need and you can monitor your progress every day. It helped me enormously when I first joined this Forum seven years ago.
No-one is trapped my friend, and no-one is beyond hope - you are very young and you have a world of time on your side; there are a lot of open doors at your age - there are many things that can give you positive, constructive experiences instead of destructive; I needed those things when I stopped, so I fought how low and hopeless I was feeling to push myself into trying new things, and now I do charity work, write, sing, go hiking and much more.
Forget everything you have been through and everything you know - take it slowly, one day, one hour at a time if necessary; urges are temporary, they soon pass, and they will pass quicker if you keep your mind occupied. Teach yourself to "ride the storm" when you come - as I said, it is all about the moment before you start - once you do, no matter how small the stake, you are lost, and there will be almost nothing you can do to stop as you say.
I hope you can make good use of this Forum my friend. There is good, non-judgemental advice and a lot of decent people here - be strong, try and be positive; there is a life out there for you - your illness makes it harder, and it will mean you have to work harder than most, but you can get there, no question my friend.
JamesP
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