Hello everyone,
It has been a while since I posted on this website. I have been busy wiith all sorts of things, I however was reminded today to not forget about recovery. My nephew has booked himself into rehab and I was reminded of the long road ahead in the early days of recovery.
I have almost reached a year now just 5 weeks to go until I have reached 365 days my longest period of non gambling in 8 years!! It has not always been easy and there have been times that I have almost given in. What has kept me going? I remember in my last counselling session saying to my counsellor that unless something really bad happens I felt strong enough to stay on the straight and narrow, she challenged me by asking me if maybe that would be an excuse for returning back to gambling. This has really stuck with me.
Just recently my mother suffered from a stroke whilst visiting me from South Africa. My initial thoughts were obviously about her wellbeing but my thoughts soon started thinking about gambling or rather escaping to gambling. I got inside my car many a time and drove towards a gambling establishment, each time the words stuck in my head 'this is an excuse, this is what you have been waiting for'. So I would drive to the beach and go for a walk or sometimes just park up in a layby and have a cry to release the frustration and tension.
There will always be something that will try and lure us back into the vicious cycle of gambling having some tools to fight the urges or excuses keeps me going. I do not want to be going back to my counsellor saying I am back gambling because' ...........of something or someone'. She knows and I know that if I go back to gambling it is because I choose to and all the excuses in the world do not change that fact.
I do not know it all or have some miracle answer, all I know is what works for me and I just wanted to share how our thoughts can take us iether way. Over a year ago I may have chosen to use my mothers illness to escape into gambling now I choose not too.
Thanks
Thanks for sharing and I couldn't agree more with your post
KTF
Congrats on your achievement so far that's to be applauded. Your post really struck a chord with me and something I never thought of. Of course every individual is different and has different triggers but I can relate to what your saying and I know this will help me. Thankyou for sharing and I hope your nephew is ok. All the best
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